BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Who looks after you when you're old?

I'd really like to hear others' thoughts on this. I can think of lots of people I know of who are in their 60s (i.e. my parents' friends / friends' parents) whose offspring either live far away or live close don't really bother to visit them (e.g. my bf's mum lives 10 mins up the road and he only sees her every couple of months). However, I do worry about being older than that, say late 70s / 80s (doubt I'll make 90, I've not been that healthy!) and not having any relatives and possibly a deceased spouse. I'm lucky I've got a few good friends locally who aren't planning kids (most are a bit older than me) and I can think of lots of old ladies that seems to have been quite independent to an old age. Is it just a question of planning more if you are CF, because you know you need to have things in place, because you can't rely on family? I read about a study that said childlessness (probably more than childfreeness in that particular age group) that, I recall, said not having children was not really a factor in depression in the elderly. I don't think having kids will guarantee you will have help, support and company in old age, but I have to admit, it does worry me a bit.

I plan to be the best aunt possible to my seven (so far) nieces and nephews.

Here in Germany it's normal for people to be pretty active into their old age - walking and cycling everywhere, hiking, being busy with things in the community and having a wide circle of friends. There doesn't seem to be the same sense of slowing down because the years are advancing, so I am hoping for a fit and active old age.

I will admit that the thought of being old and lonely doesn't appeal, but the best defence against that is building a good circle of support while I'm young(ish). Perhaps CF people have more freedom to build that circle, because they're not busy with childrearing. After all, having children is no guarantee that they will be there for you when you are old, for a dozen different reasons.

One idea I've advanced to friends is to buy (or rent) a house together when we're elderly, and share the living space, so that nobody is left to be alone and frail, and we could share the cost of a carer or helper - someone to clean, do the shopping, cook etc. It seems like a good idea to me - what do others think?

Kalinka, not only is that a great idea, but your post brought up a funny memory. A few months ago, my bf and I were talking about the 'who will look after us when we're old' topic. Strangely enough, not only are both of us childfree and married, but all our siblings are also (whether by choice or circumstance). We decided when our husbands are gone (chances are we will outlive them) we would move in together. Idly we were discussing legal matters such as buying a condo together, etc., and instead of spending a huge amount on lawyers, I suggested that perhaps we should just get married! We laughed so hard at the thought I think tea came out my nose!

And, in retrospect, as much as we were joking, that may be a viable option...

Karen

The idea of sharing a house is great, my parents-in-law live in Bremen (also Germany :-)) and, a big house next to theirs is shared by three married couples, all of them over 65 and retired. I don't know if they all have children but, according to my mother-in- law, they are really happy and active by themselves. I think even the ex-mayor of Bremen lives in such a community. Yes, Germany is no bad place to grow old!

I had this worry also, check out my post, Newbie & Mid Life Problem. Some great answers there. When I was young the house next door had 3 older ladies living there, sharing expences and companionship. Then when I was in my teens there were 3 more older ladies living there. Same thing, sharing expences and living together. I think that would work for me too! I don't think they were closely related either.

I tell all my children alot, please what ever you do will you please take care of mom and dad when we get old?

I have their confirmations that the four of them will always take care of us!

Mary Caliendo
Tea Editor

Well, I hope they don't change their mind.

I wouldn't want to be a burden to my children,

Amen to that -- my parents don't expect or require me to do anything for them. My in-laws are somewhat different, however. My father-in-law calls my husband at all hours of the day for favors, the most frequent being moving money in the bank and computer help. It drives him crazy, and I'm glad my parents call simply to see how I'M DOING!!

To mary-tea1: Recall that this is the "Married No Kids" forum. Having unwanted children for the mere purpose of caring for elderly parents is not the advice we're trying to encourage here!!!