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Can I say that I'm relieved to find that there are others like me who are struggling with motherhood? I am raising my two grandchildren ages 2 and 3 and not loving it. Simply cannot take the screaming, whining, fighting, diapers, sleep deprivation.

These are my daughters children (same dad :)) and my husband is thrilled to be a dad. We've been married shy of five years. We adopted last April. He'd never been married before/no kids. We've had the 3yo since 6mos. The 2yo since birth. Before the 2yo came along I tried to tell my husband that I was overwhelmed (working, daycare, house, life). A counselor asked me why I agreed to adopt - because my husband said we had to.

If I have a day off while the kids are in day care to catch a break/down time it doesn't really happen because he works out of the house. I'm physically and emotionally drained, chaos at work, chaos at home. Tried to suggest a p/t nanny that would come to the house 2/3 days week to avoid the morning struggles of getting out the door. Shot down. Tried to suggest a housekeeper - shot down - can't afford.

I've never been a natural nurturer - never will be. I want to run away from my life. I can only focus on how much I hate my life. I want off the ride.

Each day I fall deeper into a depression with no light at the end of the tunnel, no relief in sight. ugh

Nals, welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy your stay.
"Rosie"

It sounds to me as though you are going to have to insist on help. I can imagine how you feel. When my grandchildren were little they wore both my husband and me out when they stayed. Full time is a lot of work. You need help with them so you can enjoy your grandchildren. They are meant to be loved. You are too busy and too tired to feel like a grandma should feel.

Have you talked to your doctor?

Hi Nals,

This is a major change in your life, and one that it sounds like you were not prepared to make when you first got married.

It is perfectly understandable that you feel overwhelmed.

Add in the fact that you did not have the birth experience/ hormone changes to physically connect you with these children, and there you go.

You expected to be a grandmother. Play with them, spoil them some, rev them up and send them home.

Instead, the rules got switched midstride on you.

You say you cannot relax at home while the kiddos are at school because your hubby works from home. What about joining a club or special interest group doing something that you enjoy? Or going to a gym to get some exercise (real exercise that will help your body get rid of all the builtup stress chemicals in your muscles - chasing after toddlers doesn't count).

Also, if your husband works from home, then he is in the ideal position to help you with housework, chasing munchkins, etc. If he says there is not the money to hire help - then he needs to step up and help out, too.

Even having just 1 day for yourself a week will be tremendously helpful in restoring yourself. Point this out to your husband. Asking for 1 day out of 7 is not too much.

I had a nervous breakdown and was contemplating suicide when my youngest child was 2 yrs old. I actually spent a few days in the hospital. We learned the hard way that getting overwhelmed can be serious.

One of the things my counselor suggested to me was putting my son into daycare part time so that I could have some of that alone time. I was also dx with clinical Depression and started taking medication for that as well. But the simple time to myself made a HUGE difference.

As far as the children go - this stage will pass. In just a couple of years they will be off to Kindergarten. Two years sounds like a long time when you are under stress, but it is a light at the end of the tunnel. They will eventually potty-train, they will sleep through the night, they will grow up.

In the meantime - feel free to come here and vent as needed and share with other parents, and maybe find an interest outside of kids.

Good Luck!

Ditto, what Michelle says. And this is not what you signed up for. Keeping respectful communication between you and your spouse is really important now, and letting him know how you feel. Instead of stating I need a housekeeper, maybe try, "I'm overwhelmed and can't keep up with the housework, what can WE do to keep the house taken care of?" Try, "The mornings are nuts around here, what can WE do to make them go smoother?" Sometimes stating an interest (mornings smoother) is more likely to get a helpful response than stating a position (care-giver), it is interest based bargaining updated for the home.

Have you found out if your area has caregiver support groups. They were a godsend to me when I was raising kids, knowing I wasn't alone was terrific. I also was diagnosed with clinical depression and found with therapy (my hunsband's insurance paid through their employee assistance program-not medical insurance) and medication life got better.

Again, communication about how I felt helped my husband understand how it was to juggle everything, and then he in turn was able to partner me in raising the kids instead of just being a "babysitter" when I couldn't cope. What seemed obvious to me, wasn't to him, so pointing things out specifically helped a lot.

Keep coming back here for support, we are thinking about you.

You sound so much like my sister. She had 7 kids and 16 grandchildren. Her 5 daughters were forever dumping their kids on her to look after and she was always so tired. Never a moments peace.

You need help, dear. And you need to ask for it. Reach out to your hubby, your friends and people in your community. And I second all the wonderful advice the other forum members have given you. I wish you the best of luck.

Perhaps this article on Finding More Time For Yourself Finding More Time For Yourself Will help.

Hi mom, welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy your stay

Hi Nals,
How about a support group. Check to see if there is one in your area. There are several grandparent raising grandkids groups in my area. I have 5 grandchildren and twins grandsons due in October...when I have 2 grandkids overnight...it wears me out.
Sundancer
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Everyone's given good advice. You *DO* need help with the kids. I'd also agree that a support group could be helpful too. I'm not sure about raising grandkids support groups, but when my boys were little I joined the local MOMS club and it gave me something to look forward to and the kids something to do. We had playgroups, mom's night out, a babysitting co-op, met for coffee, etc. I only wish I had found it earlier (my kids were 2 and 4 at the time).

And you can always come here for commiseration

I came across an article that may help

Raising Grandkids: What To Do When The Honeymoon Ends