BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Regrets

I would rather regret NOT having children, than regret having them, like so many parents do.

Wow. Thank you all so much for the comments. It's so weird to log onto a place where other people feel the way you do and it's not so taboo feeling. All i hear from people is that I'll regret it big time if I don't have a kid. and how I better get started right now before it's too late. But I just feel in my soul that If I'm not wanting it, I better not do it. Anyway, thanks again!

When those 'people' say ".. better hurry up and get started..." - it could be possible they want you to join them in their misery of sress, e.g.~ no money , no vacations to excotic places, no peace and quiet when you get home from work, no sleeping in on days off, doing laundry multiple times a week, picking up after them for 18+ yrs.,after school activities several evenings a week plus several weekends a month.. shall I go on ? I think not. I'm sure you get the picture

"....better hurry up and get started."

LOL! I heard this very statement tonight. My family was happily talking about the future arrival of my niece/nephew. A friend then comments, "You two better get started." I said, "I know! The baby will be here before they know it!" He said, "No, I was talking about you and your sister." (My sis and I are both single). I quietly and humorously laughed and said, "He obviously doesn't know us very well." My family all busted out laughing. It was great and served him right for making such a thoughtless comment (not that I said it rudely - I tried to make it humorous)! My sister later commented how much she loved my saying that, hehehe. =D

Anyway, back to topic.....
I'd like to comment that you're not just a parent while your kids are young... you're "always" a parent. I heard a mother just the other day comment, "You look so forward to the day your kids move out, but unfortunately I've realized that the problems don't stop and that the older my kids get, the worse their problems get!" Children, grown or not, are always looking to Mom & Dad for help. It's not just an 18 year commitment....

Also, I heard from friends of older ladies who admit that they'd be just fine had they never had children. Personality factors in as well. If you're an introvert, there's probably a good chance that you'll live a happier, more peaceful life without kids, but that's just my opinion. I'm an introvert, and I like having some control over my environment (I would think this would apply to extroverts though as well. I would rather "chose" the people in my life). Once you have kids, you give up that control forever... I had two older ladies in the 70s admit to me that they wished they had never had children and to not have any!! These were the cutest ladies too, but they admitted that their children didn't pay them attention and were more of a burden than a joy. I know SOOOO many parents in which it seems their children are more of a burden than a joy.

Also, if I do have regrets later in life (which I don't think I will), I'd rather be happy when I'm young and healthy than when I'm old anyway!!!

One more thing.... I just read the following:



Thank you to Martinez_42009 for posting the article under the following thread: "Reasons to Not Have Kids"... this is great

What a great find, and I think there's a lot of truth to it. Though I love my family deeply, I feel much closer to my friends than I do the majority of my family, and I tend to enjoy the company of my friends to that of my family. Though I'll admit that the really fun times with family are so special... but that's give and take! haha

[quote=DifferentKindofGirl]Personality factors in as well. If you're an introvert, there's probably a good chance that you'll live a happier, more peaceful life without kids, but that's just my opinion.[/quote] I think you've got something there. I'm very much an introvert (100% on Myers-Briggs tests, for what it's worth), and the hustle and bustle lifestyle of parenthood just isn't for me. My hat is off to good parents, but parenthood is not a choice I would make for myself. I like -- and need -- peace, quiet, and space, all of which are difficult to get when children enter the picture.

^ Same here Thomma Lyn!!

You'll only ever regret not having kids if you allow yourself to. Live a full happy life, pack it with all the kinds of experiences you enjoy, time with family and friends, and whether kids are ever in your life or not, you'll still have many great years to look back on.

And it's true what mrsmars says. You can't mess up a child's life by not having them, but having a child and resenting it doesn't do anyone any good.

Reading all of these posts made me feel so much more at peace. All of you describe feelings that I have about being CF. I love my quiet and my freedom :)