BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Is this child abuse?

I have a friend that has twins age 2 1/2 years old. My friend and I have the same job that requires us to work at night. I have 3 children and at least 2 of them are up every morning around 6am if not before. I get up with my kids each and every morning unless my husband has the day off and lets me sleep in. My question is: Is it considered child abuse that my friend will lock her kids in their room and get up whenever she feels like it? I've tried calling her between 9:30 and 10:00 am and no answer, I've gone to her house in the morning before and can hear her kids awake and playing and she's still sleeping in bed. So, am I an over achiever as a mom or is she abusing her children by letting them be hungry without supervision? Personally I think she is in the wrong here and is committing child abuse on some level but I can't find any specific documentation stating as such. (I could rant about this all day cause I don't believe kids should have to wait to eat, but maybe that's just me)

I think this borders on child abuse depending on the details. Are you positive she is not feeding them until she wakes up? My parents work split shift for the longest I could remember. Before I was old enough to take care of myself and my brother, she would sleep in my room or his room and lock us in with her BUT she would also feed us breakfast and have snacks in the room with us. If we had to use the bathroom, we would wake her up and she would let us go then we came back in. She would sleep for about 4 hours then get up and fix us lunch and do whatever til my dad got home, then she would take another quick nap before going to her job (She worked 3rd all the time and dad worked 1st or 2nd). Then when I was old enough to cook and clean, we had full range of the house while she slept on the couch. We were never ever allowed outside unless she was awake. My aunt got mad at my mom one day and called child services on us. The social worker that visited talked to my mom and me and said what she was doing was ok because technically we were safe and she was feeding us and letting us use the bathroom when we needed to. And children's services were A LOT more lenient then they are now!!!! You may want to call your local childrens services and ask annonymously if it is bothering you. I think the situation you described would bother me enough to call if I were positive they were not being fed and allowed to use the bathroom.

My ex husband does this when my son goes to visit him. He is 9 now so he can fix cereal and such, so its not such a big deal. But yes, its neglect on some level. First of all 2 year olds NEED supervision. I can't imagine the trouble they get into just by being curious.

Thank you for your input. Yes, I do KNOW they are not being fed~she even makes jokes about how she is a bad mom cause her kids were hungry for an hour an a half or two while she slept. She says cause they are both chunky that it doesn't hurt them one bit. Both kids are still in diapers so using the potty is not an issue. I think in part that because neither one of them can talk very good at all that she isn't as active as a parent as she should be. Not that it's an excuse at all but man o man do I get frustrated with her when it comes to parenting. On a lot of issues about how she raises her kids but my worry factor is when the kids don't get fed and are locked in their room until mommy wakes up. I wish I could get her to realize what she is doing to them and how they are going to treat their children when they grow up.

Thank you for your response. I agree that a 9 year old can fix his own breakfast like cereal and such but these are 2 babies. I use the word babies instead of toddler cause that's how they act and behave. I'm so worried they are going to choke on a toy, get out the window, get stuck in the closet, etc.... I'm not trying to be mean about calling them babies instead of toddlers but for instance my "just" 2 year old will get his own food out of the fridge without asking like hot dogs, cheese, pudding, etc... and her kids will be 3 in the next few month and can't tell you what it is they want. I am so worried for them and she's one of those moms that knows everything and the famous quote: "They'll be just fine" I think I will talk to DFS and see what they say. If nothing else I will be able to educate myself about this matter and hopefully get her to understand that she needs to be a mom on the kids' time not her own personal schedule. *fingers crossed*

It is neglect and if you think the children are in danger you should tell your friend in as kind a way as possible. I hesitate to say call the state because oftentimes that is worse than the neglect here.

As a mandatory reporter, we are are told not to judge or get involved... contact child services and let them decide. The number is in the phone book... you have to do it for the county in which the child lives. It's anonymous, so no one will know who called -- usually even if it goes to court. If you're at all worried, make the call. Otherwise forget it and put it down to different child-rearing practices.

I agree it is neglect, she should not have children if she is going to be so selfish. I just to do that with my baby, when I worked the 2nd shift and she was about 2, but I kept her in the same room with me and made sure that she had enough bottles of milk or snacks to eat and I changed her diaper so would be fresh, I made sure that there was nothing on floor that she could accidentally swallow and that the doors for the closet and bathroom were closed, and I was never totally out, if I heard a weird noise I was up in a nanosecond. I will also put the TV on shows for her to help her entertain herself, while I napped or had an extra hour of "Sleep". But 2 years old babies need constant attention, I think you should call CPS and make an anonimous report, without telling her or warning her about it either, so if she is really doing something wrong she will be caugh red handed. If they do not do anything, at least she will probably get scared enough to wake her up as a mom. Bella

I'm new here, but I just can't keep my mouth shut.
Is it abuse/neglect? In a word....yes.
Going to the bathroom is an issue with babies still in diapers. Sitting in a dirty diaper for 2 hours can burn the heck out of a baby's little bottom.
I was not a perfect momma and I regret being selfish and less than mindful when my daughter was growing up. She's 34 now, and is a mom and is a wonderful mom. She learned from my miserable mistakes.
Your friends babies need intervention. They can't take care of themselves. I know how hard it is to make this kind of decision. Trust your gut. I did the same thing about a year and a half ago and I'm glad I did.

This is definitely a very touchy subject, but a very important one to discuss. At 2 1/2 years old, they are still babies. I do think that regardless of whether or not they are in diapers, going to the bathroom is a big issue. Little ones cannot sit for long periods of time in a dirty diaper or they will get a rash from it. Also, locking the children in a room by themselves at that age is inappropriate and neglectful, in my opinion. What would happen if there was an emergency, such as a fire? How would the children get out to safety? What if the children were to get hurt? She wouldn't know, since she was asleep. If she is in another room and sound asleep, she is not going to hear what is happening in their room. That can be very dangerous. The children need constant supervision.

I would certainly make the call to child protective services and alert them to it. I want to commend you on getting involved. Too many people do not want to get involved and it is the children that suffer. Please make the call.