BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Regrets

Hi, I'm new here but was reading through some posts and feel a real connections to those of you who aren't sure about having kids. I've been with my husband for over 10 years and am 30 now. Both of us have never wanted children. I do love my nieces and nephews and I see them all the time and like the happy moments with them, but I love not being around them all the time. I have a hard time even doing an overnight babysitting thing. I do have 2 dogs and I remember before we got our first one, I had dreams and knew in my heart that I NEEDED to have a dog. But I have not felt that feeling for a child. I live in Utah where a typical person gets married at 20 and starts having kids and by the time they're my age you have 6 or 7. Anyway, the only thing i'm sorta curious about, is the possibility of regret down the road. I'm wondering if there are people that are older who never wanted kids and what there opinions are. I know either way there could be regret. I'm the type of person that would rather regret not having them then regret having them.

mntwhitten,

I'm close to your age, and I've been married for eight years. I know how you feel about this -- in fact, my husband and I have gone back and forth about sterilization, but we put it off, thinking that someday our minds might change. But I've figured out through my own CF struggles that you must live only one day at a time. If you want to be CF right now, that's all that matters. Live with that intention until you do change your mind (if that ever even happens).

You should go to the forum string called "Need support - I hate being a mom" on the Moms forum -- I believe Solalux posted it on this forum a couple months ago. I looked it myself, and it blew me away to read about this woman that had a baby and regretted it. She was in a world of trouble internally. You'll see from this forum that regretting not having a child later in life is far better than having a child and regretting it.

I'm a 51 year old fellow. Far from any regrets, my wife and I seem to be happier every day that we never got ourselves tied down with kids. I've seen people around me raise kids, and it's NOT for me.

I'm passed the childbearing age. I've known all my life that I would NEVER have kids, and trust me, I have NEVER regretted my choice,and dh feels the same.

The less complicated life is , the better. And believe me- having kids makes everything more complicated.

It is so very nice to jump in the car at a moments notice to go out for coffee, a movie, or whatever. Not to mention having extra money to take vacations

AND, ohhhhhhhhh I think I'll sleep in tomorrow

mntwhitten,
I am 46 and my husband and I new early on we did not want children. I did wonder once in awhile. Like the halloween when a little girl came to the door and I thought... I will never know what it will be like to dress up my kid for halloween. I was sad. But the next day I was like, no, not for me! Sometimes I still wonder about the what if's. But I think we did the right thing. It is a very hard job. No guarantees. I also think there are plenty of people already here.

I'm 45 years old and have known from about my mid twenties that I definitely did not want kids (before that I was waffling, mostly because I lived at home until I was 24 - long story - and was still entrenched in my mother's hopes and expectations). The only times I have ever waffled from THAT (ie idly considering adopting some 3-4 year old child)were when I felt guilty because my husband and I could provide a great financially and emotionally stable home and we chose not to. That phase lasted approx. 3 days. Otherwise, I have had no regrets whatsoever. Every day I appreciate my CF choice more. When you listen to coworkers and watch their struggles with children (handing over money to useless adult children, dealing with kids getting kicked out of school, etc., ad nauseum) I breathe a huge sigh of relief, head home to my lovely, quiet home, and toast my life with a big martini!

I'm just about 41 yo and my husband and I have never wanted kids. I love my nieces & nephews - other kids I have no interest in. My passion is animals. I love them. Currently have 2 cats. Lost our dog 1 year ago and can't wait to get another. Right now I am questioning our choice to not have kids. I am 90% sure I don't want kids, but there is a small part of me that worries that I will regret my decision. FEAR of regret is driving my emotions right now - and that is not reason enough to have them. I haven't yet regretted my deicision, just worried that I might. I'll deal with it if it does happen. Hope this helps. I guess if I'd really wanted kids I would have had them by now.

Jillster ~ let me do the math here>>>> 41+18=59 at the kids high school graduation hmmmmmmmm. whatever.....

And forget about an early retirement 'cause it costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to raise a kid. whatever...

Each to their own

[quote=beth_m]mntwhitten, But I've figured out through my own CF struggles that you must live only one day at a time. If you want to be CF right now, that's all that matters. Live with that intention until you do change your mind (if that ever even happens). [/quote] I really appreciated this comment - and I think it's so true. It doesn't help me to try to project into the future and wonder how I will feel 3, 5, 7 years from now. I know and trust my current feelings. Whether those might change down the road, who knows? But if they don't, I'm ok with that. I've never felt like I have to be a parent in order to be happy or to fulfill my identity. If anything, I worry more about how to stay CF and keep my husband happy!

[quote=sophia7 I really appreciated this comment - and I think it's so true. It doesn't help me to try to project into the future and wonder how I will feel 3, 5, 7 years from now. I know and trust my current feelings. Whether those might change down the road, who knows? But if they don't, I'm ok with that. I've never felt like I have to be a parent in order to be happy or to fulfill my identity. If anything, I worry more about how to stay CF and keep my husband happy![/quote] Thank you for those words = they are helping me with my struggle right now.