BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Pregnancy freaks me out

There is something gross about it. I remember a friend of mine being pregnant about four years back. She claimed to have felt fine, but acted like she was a cancer patient. She wanted everyone to wait on her hand and foot, and make a huge fuss. I found it very strange. she also used to say things like, "The baby is hungry." or "The baby wants to take a nap." These comments were made while the child was IN UTERO! Ugh, strange!!!!

Wow! I've yet to hear anyone brag about a pregnant belly. LOL. A baby yes, but not the pregnancy itself. I was afraid of the pain of being pregnant. It looked like it hurt even before labor.

As it turned out both of my prenancies were smooth and trouble free--by far the easiest part of being a mom. The baby is in there growing and developing with all of their needs being met, no feeding times, no diapers to change just a wonderfullly happy baby all snug secure and happy. And happy mommy eating just about anything she wants. LOL.

And yes when the wife is pregnant, the man definitely goes through many changes as well.

I have posted my thoughts about kids before: my boyfriend wants kids but Im not so sure. Recently I have done tons of research about pregnancy and birth. It scares the [censored] out of me. Bleeding for weeks, tearing, strecth marks, in labor for hours, etc. I have watched videos and lo and the more I learn the more I don't want kids. I thought maybe if I had a c section it wouldn't be that bad. But ive heard so many negative things about them because it's a serious surgery and takes awhile to recover. Even with c-sections, there are scars, vaginal bleeding, infections, no sex etc. Im wondering why a woman would want to go thru pregnancy and child birth with all of these negative and permanent results. I could avoid all of this and keep taking a pill once a day. I would like to know if putting my body thru everything is worth it? Is pregnancy and childbirth a simple thing or is it a horrible process that women must endure? I know my bf would be a great father and it would make him proud but im the one that would have to go thru this.

I think you either don't mind the idea or it really upsets you. I have always been horrified by the idea of pregnancy and birth and the more I read about it, the worse it gets. However, I've spoken to women who really don't mind. I've always been appalled by the idea of birth - being touched and shoved about by all those people, looks like some kind of sexual assault to me. I always assumed it would be okay though, because everyone says it is. Then i read this article about women who had traumatic birth experiences and it just confirmed everything I've ever thought. I've got a good friend with two kids who's a tough, brave lady and she says now she finds smear tests difficult, post birth. What's worst is my boyfriend wants kids. Sometimes I look at him and know he wants me to have this experience and it makes me hate him. I really gets me also that pregnant women on TV are always portrayed at being just delighted with all their internal exams they have to have, because their getting to have a baby and they never portray birth realistically. It isn't exactly helpful if your partner gets most of his info in life from the telly.

I actually think women who are pregnant look stunning. There's just something beautiful and magical about it to me. Have no idea why. But when it comes down to experiencing pregnancy, I have no idea what could possibly be so appealing. To me it is the worst thing that can ever happen to your body and I choose not to torture myself in such a manner. The horrible things pregnant women go through, makes me shudder with fear. If you want children, yet are afraid to birth them, adoption is always an option. Giving love to a child who is already here is a wonderful thing.

I think they look lovely too! :-) Adoption definitely would be a solution if you wanted children and didn't want / couldn't do pregnancy / birth. Oh, but my partner doesn't like that idea. Oh no. But I'm expected to go through the most horrendous physical and emotional experience ever.

Lol, what is with men and their wanting their women to give birth? It's like they think they're kings and must pass down the thrown to their little princes. My husband would prefer his own children as well. He once said, "It's nice to see your seedling walking around." I gave him the most evil look after he said that lol. Men just don't know better. They don't share our experiences. They're completely oblivious to so many 'womanly' issues. I pay no mind to them. They'll just aggravate you to tears.

Lol. Unfortunately, they just don't know better. It just really upsets me that someone who says he loves he would put me through so much for something he wants and *he* thinks I'm the abnormal one! Once I half-jokingly said he would maybe have a vasectomy one day and he was like 'no way! What if it went wrong?!'. I suppose I just have to respond to pregnancy / birth questions in the same way. Basically, they will expect you to do loads of stuff they would never contemplate, so I guess it's just down to me to say 'no'. I'm off to look for a brick wall to bang my head against.

Don't let it get to you so hard. He just feels something you don't. His approach is all wrong though. How long have you both been together? Because children are pretty much deal breakers. I don't see how he will be happy in the future without children, and you with children. Have you both discussed this with each other? My husband is somewhere in the middle. He's not sure if he wants children. And if the day ever came where he felt he needed children, then we'd have no choice but to separate. I will not sacrifice my life, body and soul just to make someone happy. Someone who won't even go through half of the misery I'll be going through. Why should they care anyway? They don't give birth. And if a divorce comes their way, they leave you behind with the kids. Not only that but if you end up being a housewife, he gets to go off to work and have his break from the children. Where does that leave you? I told my husband that I would think about it very carefully and then make my decision. I've been thinking about it since I was 25, I'm now about to hit 30 in August and I still have no desire to bear children. I doubt I ever will. He has to be okay with this. I have made that perfectly clear to him. As of now, he doesn't mind and said he'll stay with me regardless. So I'm alright, for now anyway.

Sounds like you are in a good position with your husband and it's really good you've been clear with him. My bf knows I don't like the idea of children. I've gone on about it at length in other posts :-/ I think I just want him to come out and say "that looks horrible, I would never do that, i don't want you to go through that unless it's what you really want." Instead of "you'll be fine" and "it's only 9 months".