I struggled immensely with Postpartum Depression after my twins were born and ended up hospitalized for it. Since then, my husband has left me and is trying to take custody of the boys. They are 15 months old now. I was a stay at home mom and a full time graduate student and now I haven't been able to find a job yet. We have been living with my mom. I feel so powerless, and as much as I know I love the boys and that they are such a blessing, staying at home with them all day is killing me. It's so isolating. I'm about two seconds away from just taking a waitress job when they're with their dad, but I won't be able to come close to living on that. I feel like I can't go to the PPD group I went to anymore because all of them have newborns. I still feel depressed sometimes, and dont want to leave the house to go to the park with them or anything most days. I feel like a failure, and as scared as I am that he will get the kids, some days I just want to say "Here! I've had it!" I just can't leave the house, and I don't know why. I don't know how to talk to anyone about it either because none of my friends have kids yet and won't for some time. I'm so scared to do this alone, and the cost of childcare would be almost as much as my pay. I don't want to apply for welfare, but I qualify. I'm so confused! I don't know what the next step is for us or how to help myself be a better mom and not let all the stress upset the kids.
