BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids In-laws!!!

Thank you for all the replies. It's definitely not as bad as it could be. We can't have really deep conversations because we don't speak each others language well enough. Usually it's Just surface conversations. I just find it really annoying that she has to call my husband almost everyday and that everyone trys to make her feel like she is getting her way just because they don't want to listen to her. I guess I'll just handle things day by day. I'm definitely going to stand up for myself from now on though. I never realized that my MIL would be the hardest thing to deal with in my marriage. It's crazy. It shouldn't have to be this way. I guess it makes it worse that my husband lived with her until he was 26 (until we got married). I think that this makes it harder for her to cut the strings with him maybe. She said she doesn't want any of her kids to move out (my sister-in-law 29 and brother-in-law 22 still live with her). She said that her children are her life. I don't understand. I asked her if she looks at the good aspects like she will have more time to do what she wants to do. She said she doesn't want alone time. I don't get it. She is a prime example of why I never want to be a mother. She has lost herself. She doesn't even know what she likes to do anymore because her life has been her children for so long. Now that they're slowly moving out of the home, she is left empty. It's really sad in a way.

Try inviting your mother-in-law to an event, lunch, movie or dinner with you. Make her YOUR friend, not just your ML and keep doing it, and little things. Call her yourself; she will love that, and do it at a time when your husband isn't home.
She is a different generation and perhaps didn't have the same options you had.
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Rachel Rome
Spas Editor

Isn't this the Married No Kids board?

I think it's inappropriate to make the assumption that the original poster WILL want children. She knows herself and what she wants, and for a complete stranger to assert that she knows more about her life than she does is plain silly. And insulting to the intelligence of the OP.

Unfortunately, that's the kind of well meaning but unspeakably patronising attitude we deal with every day. A pat on the head, and "you will want children, I know better than you what you should do with your own uterus."

Hello, MindyBaby - - I think you must have mis-read the original posting. Martinez made it quite clear that she does NOT want children. I do agree that she has the right to change her mind, if that change is her honest desire and comes from inside her. You have NO way of knowing whether she might or might not experience such a fundamental change. Please do not pretend to have such knowledge.

Mindy, if you are really a Bella editor, please edit your post ASAP, or I fear a bunch of us are going to want to leave this site. Thanks.

Are you kidding me!!! I can't believe you just said that!! That is very offensive to me. I found this forum thinking that this is the one place that I wouldn't have to deal with people like YOU! Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to want to have a child. How would YOU know what I want? You are not inside my brain. You don't know me, what I've been through in life, how I feel, etc. That is sooo inappropriate to post this comment on a forum that is geared towards people who don't want kids and are HAPPY with NOT wanting them.

HereToTalk, Martinez - - I would have thought that if MindyBaby was an editor, they would know better than that. I'm not leaving - - I'm too stubborn and contrary for that. I was born in St. Louis, so that makes me an old Misouri Mule. Once in a great while, I kick.

Martinez, imagine me with a large, beat up baseball bat, with a big nail through the business end of it, standing quietly with you.

Why should any of us leave, because someone came in, couldn't or wouldn't understand Martinez's post, and made a silly and unjustifiable pronouncement?

Fellow non-sproggers, this site is such a nice place to be, and we get really interesting and thoughtful posts. Let's not leave, just because someone who is not normally here made a thoughtless and inappropriate remark.

I do think Mindy ought to apologise though. On this forum, such a remark is way out of line. It's like going to an infertility thread and telling people they are crazy to want kids anyway - so hurtful and unhelpful, and something I am sure none of us would ever do. Hugging ya, Martinez.

Hi ladies,
I chime in here from time to time, even though I have kids. I find the topic absolutely fascinating and definitely appreciate how you feel. I usually always chime in when the topic turns to bad kids...high on my "I do not like list" or people that spend their work day talking to their kids...what the heck is that about...I don't and I have kids...oh sorry I digress
Sometimes comments are made that are intentional and sometimes they are not. If you peeked in the political ones sometimes, those can definitely get...lively...for lack of a better word.
I agree that, or I hope that people would not leave because someone posted something they disagree with or find objectionable, but rather just say "i disagree with you" or I find it offensive - pretty much like Kalinka is doing...
The only thing I would caution is alluding to any type of violence or threats, that would not be so good.
Each Bella Online forum should be considered a safe haven for sharing your thoughts, but occassionally things just happen.
Hopefully you won't find anything I said too objectionable here. Please do stay and enjoy the married no kids forum.

All righty, Dianne Walker has a good point. I was a little apprehensive about my "baseball bat" image when I said it. I did go over the line a bit there. I am kind of a blunt old so and so. Sorry, folks, this old mule will watch his temperature guage more closely in the future.

I'm definitely not leaving.

Martinez, since the pen is mightier than the sword, how about: me standing quietly next to you with a large Bic pen, clicked and ready to write most emphatically?