BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Stepdaughter ruining my marriage

When I'm out of town my 19 year old stepdaughter comes over to our house with a few of her friends to use our hot tub. She does ask her dad first and only comes over when he is present. They behave fine and dont cause any problems. This happens perhaps once a month or sometimes not for two months. I don't think she should ever come over with her friends just to use the hot tub! This causes HUGE friction between my husband and me. He see's nothing wrong in it and has said he will continue to let her do it. Am I being unreasonable?

Hi there! I know how this makes you feel. But from my experiance the best thing to do is act like it dosnt bother you. That way you dont give her the power to yank your chain. Tell her it would be nice if she would come when you are there also. This whole thing will wear off if you dont react the way she wants you to.Try hard not to let her come between you and your husband. Men dont know the games girls play, he is probably oblivious to why you would feel bad. Take care,chose your battles carefully.

I do think you're being unreasonable. I don't understand why you don't want her ever to come over with her friends to use the hot tub especially if, like you say, they're not doing anything outrageous or wrong. Certainly it would be wrong if it was during plans you and your husband had already, but she's doing it when you're not even there.

Children are very important, and I think it would be wonderful if my children brought their friends over to our house even as adults. As long as they clean up their mess and aren't loud or disruptive what's the big deal?

I think it's unreasonable. It's your husbands child. Family is suppose to act like family. You step daughter feels comfortable enough to bring her friends over and feels like this is her home too. You should make her feel welcome, not alienated from the family. Maybe this is why she doesn't come over when your there. It's still your husbands child. He's going to let her over, why wouldn't he?

From my perspective, you have it good. I have just left my husband because I have reached the limit of my endurance with his adult daughters living here rent-free and mooching off us. If you love your husbamd, try not to leave him over this. It could be much, much worse. Just never let her move in, under any circumstances, or under any pretenses - if he can't set limits about a hot tub, he won't set them on anything else either. Good luck.