BellaOnline Forums Education Gifted Education second child syndrome?

i have 2 boys. my oldest has always been VERY verbal and outspoken - NEVER shy. because of how he expresses it, you can't miss the kid's smarts. so, he gets the CONSTANT comments from people on the fact that he is smart. he's an attention glutton who finds ways to constantly engage people and is very often the center of things.

then there's my youngest. people always assume that he is younger than he is. he took forever to decide that he should probably talk and doesn't care to really pronounce things well - only enough to be understood. he is very reserved when he is in a group of people and quiet. he is often underestimated. he's wicked brilliant - creative, advanced sense of humor, instant ability to know a person's next move. he is also starting to tell me he's not good at things that my oldest is. people always speak to my oldest and quite often don't acknowledge my youngest.

i know this is a complicated question, but how can i keep my youngest from feeling like he's always being out-done? side question - since he looks up to his older brother, is there a way to get the oldest to help him see/appreciate his talents/brains?

This question came up in a discussion at a gifted conference this weekend. Your case sounds like it has a lot to do with personality types and introversion vs. extroversion. You can't force an introverted child to become extroverted, but you can coach them to let their voice be heard.

In general, younger sibs do tend to carve out different niches for themselves. Parents can try to keep the competition and comparisons down by letting the younger child know that he or she is also smart. Sometimes it can be helpful to show the younger child samples of the older child's work at the same age. You can enlist the help of the older child in talking about how hard it was for him to learn certain things, so the younger will understand that the older child still has to work at some tasks.

It takes time for this sort of message to sink in, so be prepared to have ongoing conversations.

good luck!

My second child definitely has a different temperament than his elder brother but also has very definite attitudes related to being the younger brother. He has always carried around some unspoken issues about not being as advanced as his elder brother who is PG and is also 5 years older than he is. He seemed ready to read at a younger age than his older brother (who read at 18 months or so)but was resistant so I let it slide. He is easily as musical or more musical than DS11 but has often acted as if that is big brother's realm.

This year we homeschooled both boys and I was able to see all that my younger son was capable of. He is beginning to get more confidence in his gifts and in fact said this evening "I'm smart but don't let other people know it".

I think that Lorel hit the nail on the head to let each find his own passions. Even with my boys, who have very similar gifts in some areas, I am able to point out that #2 is very talented with building and art and has more interests there.#1 compliments his little brother on his work all of the time but really it needs to come from within with my second child...he does not buy into external praise.

We spend alot of time listening and asking questions when there are hints of the sibling issues. Often my younger one (who just turned 7)really answers his own questions and concerns and just needs to be heard. I am the youngest of 5 so I freely share my experiences in that realm.

Just being open to the concern as you are is definitely a good thing for both of your kids!

Interestingly, we had a sibling issue come up this week. Awards arrived for an exam that ds 12 and dd (8 at the time of the exam) both took. DS won a certain medal, and DD won a medal at the next level down. She was crushed, and started in with, "He's always better than me" stuff. I had to point out that she is 3.5 years younger and "lost" to her brother by only two points. It took a lot of talking (and pointing out that she had "beat" him at certain things before) before she stopped fussing.

I think we have to be aware of these tendencies and try to have ongoing conversations.

take care,