BellaOnline Forums Family Adoption Grandparents adopting grandchildren

Hey ya'll...well, I guess things are as good as they can be.

My father in law had been hospitalized and I had finally talked him into moving in with us so that I could take care of him. I had been trying to get him come stay with me so I could take care of him since we moved to Oklahoma about 6 years ago. He had oxygen difficulties and the dr wanted him to stay at the hospital. He ended up staying in the hospital a month and died a couple of weeks ago. He was in hospice the last week, the hospital is an hour and a half drive one way and in Texas. We are not allowed to take the grandaughter out of state without permission from a judge and the mother so it was a pain to arrange things. At least we all had quit smoking before this, hubby has 4 brothers and all smoked except for one that dips (still does). Dying of cancer was a horrible thing to see. If I had not quit smoking years ago for sure this would have been incentive. The memorial service was a couple of Sundays ago and I am just mentally exhausted.

On top of all this the DHS came a month ago and have decided now that the mom is doing better, she purchased a house and so I guess they think that means that she wants the baby. She has seen her twice in the last 6 weeks. The DHS lady visited yesterday and said the mom is doing well (which I guess well means she has not done anything horrible lately). We did drive by the house and it is a small house, but nice looking on the outside and has a fenced back yard and the neighborhood is not so great, but at least the house seemed nice.

Graduation is on Saturday. My son is very excited and is enrolled in college. He has recieved several scholarships which is great because we don't qualify for any financial aid.

I am getting ready to sand floors. So I have been busy packing up stuff and decluttering. I am only going to tackle two floors but most of our house is open and sanding is going to make a horrible mess. I would like to paint too while I have all the stuff off the walls but I think I need to focus on floors!

Sorry to not keep in touch better. I have just been so depressed lately. My father in law is who my son that passed away was named for. I am really going to miss my father in law, he was always so nice to me. Deep down I hope I was his favorite. My mother in law on the other hand is the type they tell stories about! I could elaborate but will save that for another day! BTW, they had been divorced for almost 30 yrs and get this...she gets his social security because neither of them remarried. She was crowing about this the day of the memorial service and she also gets his house which she was working on emptying out and telling all that she was selling it and wanted to sell all the appliances or anything that she could for $$. She was hateful to my oldest daughter that day and I wanted to punch her in her big mouth. We did get a few of his things and I know she was irked because she wanted to have a big sale. I think I took his nice leather cowboy belt that has his name on the back of it and a big nice belt buckle. Hubby said in his day his dad cut a rug (he would wear that belt and his cowboy hat and boots) and I wish we would have been able to go dancing. By the time I married hubby his dad was already sick. Also I got a nice crystal decanter set that I know the m-i-l had her eye on. And I took his cigarette case but hubby says he didn't remember his dad ever using it. I think that was pretty much it. But anyway, I didn't mean to be dumping everything today! Thanks to you all for listening to me and worrying about me. It is nice to have friends even if you don't see them face to face! Connie

Connie, I'm glad to see you're back. I was afraid things were not going well for you because we hadn't heard in so long.

This is a rough time to be going through. Cancer really is a mean monster. My mother died from cancer, but my father died without warning. Neither is easy to deal with. My sympathy is with you and your entire family.

All of this must have been more difficult because you couldn't take your granddaughter out of state. Did you get permission or did you have to leave her with someone? Has she spent 'overnight' with her mother?

My grandson graduates on June 12th. I checked yesterday and his quilt is not done yet. You know I'll still have to bind it when I get it back. He'll spend two weeks here after graduation, so I can give it to him later. Then he'll have to return to the home, and he is planning on college as well. I don't know what he will be able to do with his autism, but he has some plans.

Don't be too concerned about going on here. I think that's what this forum is for.

You will remain in my thoughts, GrannyH

Hey Granny, we did get permission to go out of state. I am sure they thought I was a pain because I needed to go so often. I went once a week and took Mary Jayne as my father in law enjoyed seeing her so much. I also visited with family when we went and that was really nice. The last night they called for us to come my daughter kept Mary Jayne as it was 1:30 in the morning when the call came. My husband and I were there when he passed and at least he was peaceful then. Up till then was not so peaceful.

I know your grandson will treasure that quilt forever. My gramma was not a quilter but her mother was. When my gramma passed we all recieved one of my great gramma's quilts. I bet your grandson is excited about graduating. My son is. He was gone to Branson last week and came home sick. The choir had a contest there and they were gone for 5 days. He had a good time except for coming home sick. The dr said he was surprised my son didn't have strep throat after looking at it. I kept him home from school for two days and he is feeling much better now.

I worked on striping floor yesterday afternoon. In the morning I cut all the dead wood out of the honeysuckle vine. Boy my hands are sore this morning! It sure was nice to do some actual work. I forget how much I enjoy working on the floors. I have a chair down in the basement that I had bought at an antique store and am stripping the petobismal pink paint off it. I am mostly done but when Mary Jayne moved in I had to stop. I think doing that kind of stuff is so enjoyable.

Talk to you soon....Connie

Hi Connie,

When I came back to BellaOnline, I was looking all over the place for you...and here you are.

I'm so sorry you've had such troubles, but it's good to hear that there are some positive things going on as well. I always knew you had a great heart, but hearing you talk about your father-in-law puts double-topping on that thought.

Hang in there, gal,
ME

Hi Connie!

I'm so sorry for all that you have been through, and really sorry about your father in law. It sounds like you had to deal with some 'family drama' in addition to his loss, and I'm sure that added to the stress.

For the record, never worry about ranting on too much--GrannyH is right, that's what we are here for!

Is your daughter-in-law's house close to where you live?

I was thinking about you and your granddaughter. Does she have a guardian ad litem or special advocate?

I know DHS said your daughter in law has her own house now, but don't they also look at how many times she's actually visited and played with her daughter?

On a much, much lighter note, it sounds like you really enjoy working on the floors and on the rocking chair in your basement! Is there anyway you can take some time for yourself to do more of this? You sounded so happy in your last message talking about these things, and it made me so happy for you.

Does your granddaughter take a nap during the day? Maybe you could steal an hour here or there to do something fun and stress relieving for you. You certainly do deserve it!


Have a great weekend!

Hey Mary, thanks for the nice thoughts! My husbands family is mega disfunctional. I think they put the dis in functional! Lol, guess that old saying is true, you can pick your friends but not your relatives. I just keep trudging along and thinking God never gives you more than you can handle. Connie

Hey Brandii, I think there is drama for everyone when a death happens. Part of it because of everyone has a different way of dealing with things.

The baby's mom lives about 10 miles from us. For quite some time she lived in the apartments behind us and it took 3 minutes tops to walk over here but she couldn't find the time to do that.

My grandaughter is in DHS care, us being the foster parents which the longer this goes on makes me realize that we are just glorified babysitters in their eyes. I am not complaining though, I am just glad that we were the ones that were able to look after her. I would worry about her if she was in a foster home and we would only be allowed limited visits.

The thing they keep telling us is that the baby needs her mom. We have told them over and over that we want to adopt her, we love her and care about her. Who knows what is going to happen. They told me the other day that we may have to keep our grandaughter for another 6 months to 18 months so that her mom has a chance to get her act together. Their goal is reunification of the family. It is a big upsetting mess. I found out a couple of days ago that her mom may be pregnant again. Just what she needs!

Yes, I do put my grandaughter down for a nap every day and that is definately me time! Plus in the evenings and on the weekends my husband is here and he helps out very much. She loves her papa so much!

Thanks for all the good thoughts! Connie

Hi Connie,

Well, you're still gardening and doing a load of projects around that ol' house of yours. I can only imagine how painful it must be to love and care for this little girl, never knowing when/if she will be taken away. Trite, but there's a lot to be said for living in the present. (I know, we're not made that way, really. We always try to prepare for the future: what's for breakfast tomorrow, how will I dress the baby, all the things that go along with caring for a child.)

Good luck, I'll be thinking about y'all!

Connie,

Have you eve thought about suing for custody and to have her parental rights terminated so that yuou may adoipt her

Hey Mary, yes still gardening and doing projects. The baby has just slowed progress down a bit! But she is getting older now and you don't have to watch her every second. She loves to be outside and my husband built a "baby pen". Mostly it is a keep the dog out of her stuff! He has chewed up several of her toys. I will be glad when he grows out of this chewing and digging holes stage. There is a sandbox and lots of toys in her area and it is under a big shade tree. She is very fair complected and burns so easily. She loves helping water all the flowers and I have planted some new perenials and started a new bed. Every summer I try to start something new.

This evening is graduation and about 10 there is a picnic to show appreciation for foster parents so it will be a busy day! My parents and mother in law are coming for graduation so it will be nice to see everyone. My parents have not met my mother in law. We've been married 14 years in October. It should be interesting! I will have to report back later! We are expecting more rain today but hopefully it will not cancel the picnic. Connie