The "Last Chance" thread got me to thinking about a similar subject: having another kid when the first one is practically out the door.
My sister had her first child as a teenager and then married another guy close enough in that time so that her son was raised as his. It seemed like that would be the only child; they passed thru the first decade of marriage, then started into their second without my sister becoming pregnant. Even her in-laws treated Nephew like he was their bio-grandchild. However, when Nephew was in his late teens, the only bio-grandchild in that family died. 18 months later, my sister tells me she's pregnant. Could it be any more
blatant - the
reason for that pregnancy?
I kept my mouth shut - not my business - but I was disappointed. Here Sister was, late 30s and almost
free! I can understand the ulterior motive: providing her husband with a DNA replicant because the other one died and there would be no one to "carry on the family genes" as she put it. Not that there's anything wonderful about our families. Alcoholism and mental illness are liberally dispersed between both sides. But the new baby helped the family deal with the grief. I just wonder if she has ever figured out (Niece is almost out of high school) why there was such a stretch between her and her brother and the fact that her conception came on the heels of her only cousin's death?
Anyway, two other similar situations happened to co-workers, though I might be able to make one see some reason.
Co-worker #1 - she listed on a company billboard that she felt her greatest accomplishment was her only son. He had just graduated with honors and was off to college. She was also an early mother and only in her mid-30s when her son went off to college. The woman (divorced)goes on to marry one of the hottest guys at work. This guy turned heads when he passed female employees (and a few of the guys
) in the hall. He was also just an all-around cool person. Everyone predicted a dazzling marriage for them both. Now, Hot Male Co-worker
was also divorced and paying out big $$ in child support. So, you'd think "OK, she doesn't bring any baggage to the marriage - her son is out of the house. They can just
enjoy being together".
Nooope. Within 6 months, the woman is pregnant. Her line: "I just love him
sooo much, I
have to have his baby!" Tell ya what, even the most maternal women at work were boggled. I was just down right disgusted. I think karma bit her fatuous @ss, too. When she was ready to come back from maternity leave, she found that the company had outsourced her position. Another one commensurate with her previous spot was available, per the law, but she didn't want it. She's now a SAHM with a husband who has to support her and kids from his previous marriage. The guy doesn't look so Hot now, when going down the hall. He looks quite frazzled
Co-worker #2 - I
might be able to save this one. She just got engaged to a fellow who has 3 kids from previous relationships. She also has one of her own - a kid in the last year of high school. CW2 doesn't want anymore kids. She
does see the good things about having all that out of the way and just enjoying her husband, however,
he wants a kid with her. My thoughts are that this is some controlling, machismo BS that says he has to spread his genes with as many women as possible; co-worker might end up dumped by this guy if he follows the same trend shown by his other relationships; but she's in the first thrush of love and isn't wanting to hear
that. So, I'm trying to be subtle.
CW2 has grumbled "I wonder if I can get sterilized without Fiance knowing about it?" I validate that by pointing out it's a sign that she doesn't want to be a mother again and how fair would that be to the kid if she went ahead and had one? She then brings out a flier for a chi-chi Bahamas resort she and Fiance are thinking about as a spring vacation (he has money. another reason for him to bug her about a DNA replicant "
heyyy baybeee, I can afford a
dozen kids!) I oggle the flier, then cluck sadly "well, enjoy
that while you can. you know that kind of fun will end once you are preggers." I then proceed to fire up my laptop and show her the vacation pictures from the travels my Dh and I have made during
all the 20+ years of our marriage. Finally, she and I are sitting at our stations when I have to make a call to one of our oncall people. We have a problem I can't fix. The oncall person, for the entire length of the conversation, sounds like he has a screaming kid on his lap. I have to keep repeating stuff because I can barely get my question across over the screeching. In disgust, I MUTE the phone so he can't hear my comment, put it on speaker, and tell CW2 "would you listen to this freakin' brat! F****, I can't get anything done with this guy because he won't put his brat away! THIS will be your life if you let your fiance talk you into another kid!
"
I
think I'm making some progress. Anyway, if CW2 goes ahead and falls into the Dark Side,
against what she knows she wants, I won't have to deal with her. When she came into work one day, muttering because Fiance had brought up the "kid" subject again, she stated "if I have a baby with Fiance, I am quitting work. Damned if I have to be a mother
and work at this place."
