BellaOnline Forums Relationships Dating What if you know you won't marry him?

So I have a dilemma. What do you do when you like someone, they like you, but you are pretty sure you won't be with them forever? Is it ok to date, or am I just setting us up for heartbreak? I am moving from Ohio to California in about a year for work. Many people I have/am/will date love living here and don't want to move. I am divorced and don't ever HAVE to get married! But many of the men around here are the traditional, 'get married and have kids' type (neither of which I want). I'm 27, I'm not looking for "The One", but I do want to go out on dates and have fun... I try to look for people that are in the same industry as me, and also love to travel, etc. Its so hard... you can't always control who you meet. So is it pointless for me to be dating? Thanks, Julie

just be honest. i'm divorced too and marriage is not a priority. as a matter of fact, i don't want marriage again. i'm in a relationship now with a man who also doesn't want marriage. we see ourselves together and are committed to each other (he even gave me a ring but it's not an engagement ring), but we don't want to get married.

i'm sure there are guys out there, but it takes time to find them. you don't want to get burned either, so be careful. i wish i knew how to get you to switch places with a friend of mine. she is in her early 30s and desperately wants to get married again (once wasn't enough?), but all the guys she meets don't want that. y'all should just switch spots for a while.

btw, i think you'll find a lot of guys in california who will meet the criteria. just a hunch because it seems california is more progressive than ohio. it's just my opinion though.

hang in there. it's possible to have relationships without the wedding or even the prospect of the wedding. but like anything worthwhile, it might take some time finding it.

Hi Julie:

That's a very interesting question. My suggestion is that you get very clear about what you want and stand your ground. Don't allow others to talk you out of what you want. At the same time be open to changing your mind--on your own terms--down the line. You might want different things later on in life.

As Holles says, be honest. Tell them that you are just not interested in marriage right now. And that's it.

Hi Julie

just be honest and upfront from the beginning it won't be too diffcult early on in the dating to point out your future plans.
That way there are no nasty surprises or announcements from you coming out of the blue. That said human beings are wonderfully surprising, so be aware of getting too close to men emotionally if you really have to leave.

The best thing to do is be honest and let the other person decide if they want to stay or go.