BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Is This Rude ?

I invited 2 couples over my house for dinner in a couple weeks. One of them does not have kids but is frequently taking care of her 12 year old granddaughter. The other couple has 3 kids: ages 6, 10 & 12.

I called both couples and invited them but made no mention of them bringing their children. I just said: "I want to invite you guys over for dinner. Let me know if you are allergic to anything so I don't cook with it." (because I would not want anyone to get sick).

My friend with no kids asked me if I invited the kids of the other couple. I said, I didn't mention it - I just said "you guys" - so then I said: "I didn't want to come outright and say "don't bring your kids" but by wording as such I was hoping they'd realize it was an adults only evening get together at my house. So my friend said, oh well if they show up with their kids I will bring my granddaughter so they have someone to play with..

She knows my house is not kid-proof. I don't have a pool, I don't have a huge backyard, it's still cold outside and I have nothing in my house that can entertain children and keep them occupied while 6 adults eat and have adult conversation and jokes.

Was I wrong to not even MENTION to the other couple if they were bringing their kids?

I am annoyed at my friend for even saying she's bring her granddaughter knowing well, I do not have a child proof home. Besides, my dining room table only seats 6 people as I do not have a HUGE dining room.

This dinner has not taken place yet.

Tell me if I am out of line please.

You haven't been rude or out of line...yet. You will be if you are not specific about who you invited to your dinner. If people with children are invited to a meal, they will assume their children are invited as well. If you want an adult-only gathering, it's your duty to clarify that, cause you can invite whoever you want to invite. You just have to say this is not a family dinner, it's a couple's dinner.

One of the first things we learn in life is not to assume anything. So don't assume that parents will realize their children won't be accomodated in your home.

I know from experience to specifically say, " Hi 'Jane', I would like to invite you and 'Dick' over for a dinner party on Sat. night. Will that work for you?" You could include "Jack and Jill will be coming to the dinner party,as well."

You MUST specifically say their names or sure as sh-- they'll think the young 'uns are included. I know this will happen! Also if you say 'dinner party' it sounds more "adult"-like.

If that isn't enough of a clue (gawd only knows, some people still don't get it! DUH), one or both might say something about the kids coming as well - you could say "it'll be so nice for the six of us adults to have a wonderful evening together."

Trust me, you have spell it out so damn clear to some people.

Please keep us posted. It will be so interesting to hear how things go .

Best of luck.

Yes, cream pie is right: You have to spell it out. You can't assume anything!!!

Be sure to let them know that, "I'm looking forward to our adult-only dinner. I'm sure you will enjoy having a getaway evening just for adults."

They shouldn't be offended. All adults need some time away from the kids. Sounds like you're providing a nice opportunity for that!

Hi
Echo the above points, sometimes people really need life spelt out to them. assumptions are made by all of us at sometime in our lives. If babysitters are a problem couples may bring children along rather than say no to an evening out. Contact your guests and have a conversation along the lines of 'just to clarify its adults only guys. I'm not living in a child friendly house right now' will hopefully head off any surprises on the night.

Yep ditto. As a parent I can tell you that it is easy to forget the autonomous self at times. :-D Everything I do involves a decision about how that will effect the children. So what you said in the first post certainly makes it sound like a family gathering to me - "you guys" being plural implies the entire group.

If you prefer an adult-only gathering be sure to mention it! I would love to have a dinner part with my adult friends. But if you don't SAY it, they won't KNOW that's what you mean. It wouldn't be rude on their part, just lack of clarification by both sides.

Don't feel guilty for calling back to clarify. Better that then making them feel embarassed if they bring the kids and then can tell you didn't want them there.

Angela <><

I agree about maybe wording your invitation a bit better to be more clear.

What I don't understand in some situations is, if parents are going to a person's house that is CHILD FREE, why would they automatically assume they can bring their kids. If it were me and it was not clear in the invitation, I would ASK if I could bring the kids before just bringing them.

You are absolutely correct, if an invitation is not clear the invited should ask for clarification.

But to add an explanation for the rest of your comment: People with children are families first and couples second. When they are invited to anything they will think the invitation was meant for 'them'.

A CHILD FREE home does not automatically mean child are unwelcome. When my children were small most of our friends were single and/or child-free. My children were always welcome.

My final statement is, in the original question here, I believed the people asked to attend the dinner were friends. In that case, they should know the host well enough to know not to bring the children.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain."

I love that, GrannyH. A lot of storms in my life now...I am gonna dance.

it should be more clear if you ask me. if you think the kids will show, print off some coloring pages from the internet for the little ones and have some kid friendly foods. corny dogs and french fries are always a hit. and there's not a lot of cleanup either. be sure to have certain doors locked. my ex and i had a few firearms in the house, and one night our neighbors came over with their daughter. she was young and wanted to explore, so she did. we had to stop things right away and go lock the firearms away. yeah, she shouldn't have been exploring, but i'm not going to tell someone else how to raise their kids. also, be sure meds are locked up too.

but you will have to be more clear. perhaps you could invite them to "dinner for six at six" or something like that. that will give a hint i think.