BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids No kids at Wedding

Well, that's easy to say Ravyn, but people have friends and family who they want to remain on good terms with and not upset. We can't choose family and sometimes they will take affence if ther children are excluded, that's why ppl are suggesting things to help the situation.
Also, it's not always a privilige to be invited to a wedding LOL - the worry over gift's is a pain, not to mention all the other added stress.
I really liked Holly's wedding day plan, it's just a shame not everyone has that great support.
It just comes back to children behaving, I've read a lot of posts and ppl are sounding like 'The child catcher' LOL. There are nice children out there, I know I was well behaved. Of course there are plenty of nasty, spoilt brats too. I just hope all the nice ones aren't dissapearing LOL. It also goes back to the day being about the bride and groom, so ppl should just respect their wishes. Maybe a few children, usually as stated, they are flower girls etc.
If ppl don't want any children at their wedding, ppl will (like it or not) resent paying for sitters, so maybe a nursery would be a good idea, I can just imagine some ppl saying "well if my children aren't good enough to go - I'm not going.' That's just human nature with some parents, not that I agree with it.

Anyways, hopefully Elaine you'll find a way around it - good luck

Hi RavynG
Definitely understand and respect your wishes. Just curious though...what if they brought another adult that wasn't invited?

I know this was posed to Ravyn, but that is a whole other etiquette post!

That question has been a big issue lately for some reason, maybe just because April and June are the "big" wedding months - but I've seen similar questions posted to Miss Manners, Dear Abby, and other similar columns.

Hopefully an engaged couple will think to include "& guest" on an invitation to a single friend (or if they know the person's steady date, fiancee, or significant other - their name), but sometimes in the rush of wedding planning, things slip people's minds.

That is when a polite call to the couple asking if you may bring a date is appropriate. It is never right to just show up with an extra person. Catering needs have been planned out, especially if it is a plated meal. Bringing an extra guest without permission or notification means that someone who WAS invited, might not get a plate - and that is definitely rude!

I agree totally. The names on the invitation spells out exactly who the invitees are. TAKE THE CLUE, FOLKS.

ALSO, why do some feel they should provide the babysitting service ? Sounds like guilt. And why feel guilty? It' their choice to procreate: it's their responsiblity to find someone to look after them, when they're going to an ADULT event, IMO

I've seen to many young 'uns on the dance floor jumping around when the adults are trying to have a nice dance. (I love dancing .

yes exactly! in fact bringing an uninvited adult is even worse because most wedding receptions that are catered have the seating and meals counted out already! I would think it would be embarrassing for the ones breaking the rules of etiquette! (But I guess some people are beyond being embarrassed, or so it would seem!)

Think of it this way---if you were invited to a dinner party with the BIG BOSS at work would you bring your children or an extra guest without first asking if it was OK to do, or if it was specified not to? So why do people think they can presume on their friends and mess up their one and only special day? You can't take back the pictures if a kid gets in the way--and they will always have them to remember it!

But if you WANT your wedding to be a family affair--then by all means go for it! I am only speaking about the ones who do not want children to be there. I have been to both. And I have to say I have never really seen one with children that were monsters or been bothered by crying babies. I would consider that to be irresponsible parenting and frankly, I would not be very close friends with someone who was irresponsible anyway.

Now I did have a rather expensive dinner date-night with my husband interrupted by a large table of "moms-night-out" a few weeks ago at a restaurant I would have considered to NOT be appropriate for children. There were two young children present and they were loud and rude and the mother's just ignored them like I would assume they do at home. They left just as we were about to request another table. I was irritated, not because of the children so much as the mother just accepted the behavior as 'normal' and expected everyone else to put up with it like she did. The one child about 4 or 5 yrs old said 'mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom' constantly getting louder each time until after about 20 or 30 'moms' she finally answered him, and it was nothing but an attention-getting ploy because she was trying to talk with her friends. They couldn't have had a good time. And I would not have spent $70 on a meal sitting next to them any longer. There is a time and a place and that was not it.

Ravyn

no worries True it is another topic, but I wasn't sure if the problem was someone bringing an uninvited guest or really, really just children that ruined it. I think this is a lovely spirited, yet kind and gentle discussion.

I'm sorry - I didn't mean that to sound like I was saying "take it elsewhere", just meant that I had been seeing this crop up as its own topic all over the place lately!

My mom is a caterer, so these topics always catch my attention.

I remember watching an episode of "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" on TLC, and the couple was soooooooo strict about their RSVP list that they had a "bouncer" at the reception door. If someone showed up that had not RSVPd, they either had to pay for their reception dinner plate themselves or not be let in!

No worries!!! I think if I was spending 1,000's on a wedding, I would want things to go my way too.
Michelle...lol...that bouncer thing though that's TOO funny!

I'm personally surprised that parents get so offended by not having their kids invited to the wedding. Many venues only have limited space, and unfortunately kids don't count as a half when it comes down to fire regulations. And they're unlikely to appreciate posh food, or string quartets. You can't expect kids to remain still or keep quiet for long periods of time, which is why there are some occasions when it's best to leave them behind.

When I was young, you just didn't take kids to weddings unless they were immediate family or somehow involved as a bridesmaid or pageboy. It was accepted as normal and made a nice day out for the parents while someone else watched the kids. I can't help but think that all this fuss about bringing the kids is symptomatic of today's immersion parenting, where everything is about their child and their demands, not about the parents' own needs.

And I know it is some peoples' idea of fun, but I never ever want the hokey cokey at my wedding! Any parent cheeky enough to bring an uninvited child had better hope they're a rock music fan at heart.

It sometimes feels that children have to be everywhere. Parents sometimes need to take on board that they need to nuture themselves without children present. Weddings are family events however the service has limited appeal to children. The wedding breakfast goes on too long sometimes and in the evenings kids get cranky. Brides and grooms should be able to choose who they invite to weddings without fear of offending guests. There is a place for children at weddings where they are catered for specifically but most wedding couples don't have too much money to spend on creche facilities etc. Thank you for the comments that this is a gentle discussion. I don't won't the forum to be a place for nasty postings. To be supportive of each other yet respect people have different view points is how I would love the forum to be.