BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids No kids at Wedding

It really depends on the type of wedding (how formal it is) and the time of day (2 pm vs 7 pm) as to whether children are involved in a wedding - and of course the the wedding couple's wishes.

My wedding was at 2 in the afternoon, and since I had children from a previous marriage, and several children in my family (cousins, nieces, nephews, ect) we decided to make our reception a very "child-friendly" reception. The DJ played songs like the hokey-pokey and other fun ones that little ones would like.

On the other end of the scale, a friend of my husband got married on New Year's Eve, and it was a black-tie affair that started at 9 PM and we rang in the New Year at the recpetion. Children we NOT invited to this one, they did not even have a ring-bearer or flower girl (well, they did, but they were both adolescents - around 12-13).

These days weddings are as individualized as the couples themselves.

I think it is definitely up to the individual couple seeing as it's their big day. We wanted our wedding to be very much about celebrating with all of our family and friends, which included the children who are part of our family too. Even though I don't want my own children, I see how offended people would be by excluding their children from the celebrations. Friends of ours got married just before we did and stipulated no children at their wedding. This caused an enormous rift between them and another couple who were even more overjoyed than usual to be parents because they had previously lost a baby close to full term. So even though the couple have the right to decide on who can come to the wedding, I think they have to be prepared for bad feeling and potentially longer lasting consequences.

I wonder if some parents really have no concept of how disturbing their kids can be. Or, if they think about a situation and forget to imagine that a baby or small child could be potentially disturbing and they fail to have a plan in place in case someone starts getting fussy (like sitting by the back door of the church - that was a nice move). Their lives, understandably, revolve around their children, so a fussy baby might not be a big deal to them, as it's just what a baby does. The people sitting next to them, who might want to hear what's going on, might not be so appreciative. To me, that's a universal commonality, no matter the situation. I attended a play and the president of the university came with his young son (old enough to enjoy the show) and infant. Sure as Murphy's law, that baby started crying not 10 minutes into the play and the actor literally stopped his performance and waited. The father took the initiative to leave the theatre before he ruined the show any further and apologized to the actor after the fact. It was an awful idea to attempt that and he should never have done it in the first place. There are some places you just don't need to bring babies. Whether you're all about children or not, there are just times and places when it's not appropriate. Weddings are often seen as family events, so I can see why people would be offended if they were told not to bring their children. However, I can also agree that it's up to the bride and groom. It's their day, after all, and they are choosing with whom to share it and I don't think they should have that decision held against them. My brother's wedding ceremony was very small, immediate family only, but they had a very open reception for more family and friends, including any children. Although this was not their intent, I can see this as a potential compromise.

Hi Apple Blossom,
I think what you're saying is true, but I would agree the operative word in your statement are the words"SOME parents". I have kids and I absolutely have a horribly difficult time with parents that have NO clue how disruptive their children can be and that just because they may think their kid throwing a triple threat total melt down is cute, many of us are like "why don't you get your kid under control" I guess I'm too stern a parent because I absolutely DARED my kids to act out...They KNEW better. But when they were younger I hardly went out unless I found a babysitter. (I don't even carry pics of kids in my wallet...I'm such a bad mom...lol..)
But I also agree with the Horror movie editor that it's the bride and grooms choice if they want kids fine, if not fine. If they want kids at their wedding and the other attendees don't like it, then they don't have to attend. But if they don't want kids, parents shouldn't bring their kids (or any extra family member) - it's rude. If the parents can't find a babysitter, then perhaps they need to sit this event out.
Anyway, just my two cents.

Hi All

Thank you for your contributions- it sure does stir up a hornet's nest! The debate is still raging,I'm hoping to peacemaker a compromise so that most people are happy for most of the day. At the end of the day it will be up to the bride and groom to make the final decision, just hope they don't upset too many people in the process

Dianne, I don't think you're being horrible at all! :-) My mom was the same way: She didn't take us anywhere until we were old enough to handle it and even then, depending on the place, we got talked to ahead of time about what was and wasn't going to work. I worked for a lady who told me she had some people out to her house who had never met her then four or five year old son until they got there! It was the same thing: She just didn't take him out. For starters, it's got to be less stress on the parent, I think. My mom didn't want the crying baby in the cart to deal with as well as picking out groceries and sorting through coupons. Not all parents have this option and I feel sorry for them. Also, I remember a client in a clinic where I used to work. Her own adult children kept asking her to watch the grandkids so they could go do things. She made it clear she wasn't always going to do so; she had a life of her own, too. She was a teacher herself and loved children (obviously) but like you said, if you can't find someone to watch them, sometimes it means you just have to stay home and this lady told her own kids just that. It's part of being a parent. Or, so I assume. I wouldn't know and don't intend to find out. I, for one, thank you for making sure your children know about appropriate behavior. I think it's a responsibility factor in parents, too. So many are so lofty about letting kids be kids and not setting any limits or anything at all like discipline. I'm not talking beating with sticks discipline, but just the setting of rules and the consequences that come from breaking those rules. Seems simple enough to me. I think too many bad parents really ruin it for the ones out there who are trying to be responsible for their kids. It's unfortuate that some CFs have such a bad taste in their mouths about it, but I, for one, am thankful to the parents out there who are working hard to set standards and not let their kids carry on and on and on and on... as I have done! Sorry for the long post. Just so much to say that I haven't been able to share in a long time! I'm so glad I was directed to this place!

"In short, you should be able to trust that parents will bring their kids to weddings and keep them quiet and disciplined." I wish that was something you could trust parents to do, but I've seen way too many instances where it just wasn't the case. I've been to many weddings and have seen the following things: 1. Kids out on the dance floor during a couple's first/last dance blocking the photographer who was desperately trying to get pictures of the couple. 2. Kids wandering around without supervision because their parents are off talking and/or are drunk. I've seen this several times. I was at a wedding where a guy was extremely drunk and had his back turned to his two kids who were putting their hands in the food and hiding under/bumping the table where the cake was at. I could go on and on. At my wedding, I didn't want children there so I provided a babysitter upstairs and even provided separate kid food for the children as well as goodie bags with coloring books and stuff. Parents STILL brought their children down to the reception. People just have no respect sometimes.

well, when i got married ages and ages ago, i asked if i could use the church nursery where the wedding took place. i had been a member there my whole life, so it was no big deal. the regular people who worked in the nursery showed up that day to work for the wedding. did it as a gift to me.

so it was an easy decision. i just put on the invitation "nursery will be provided" and no one took offense. i wanted the kiddos there because they were family, and one was my godson. he needed to be there.

if you can provide a nursery or some sort of area for kiddos, then do so. it really makes for happier guests.

a wedding is not a public event, it is private. you get invitations to one IF you are invited. It is a privilege to be invited, not an entitlement. If children are not invited it is rude and disgraceful to ignore the proper etiquette and you would not get invited to anything else I ever held again, children or not.

RavynG