BellaOnline Forums Relationships Dating Ideal Breakup??

Is there any such a thing? I just got out of a long-term relationship and my ex broke up with me in a horrible manner. I came home to find he had moved his things out while I was away for the day. I was sickened that someone could just leave like that after 2 1/2yrs. That they could walk away from their responsibilities (me, the apt, the bills) with no care in the world. We spoke the day of and he asked me - well how would you liked me to have done this?

My answer was....you could have sat down with me like an adult and said this isn't working. You could have given me the chance to voice my feelings and have them acknowledged (he cheated, lied and was horrible to me). That was the end of the conversation. Is that too much to ask? Has anyone gone through a breakup where it went well?

I don't believe there is any such thing as an ideal break up. Even when it is painfully obvious that ending the relationship is in the best interest of both people involved, the process is inevitably still a heart-wrenching one. Based on what you described about his treatment of you, it seems pretty clear that you are far better off without him but unfortunately, it may take your heart some time to catch up with what your head may already know.

I think it was very reasonable of you to expect that he would have at least had the decency to tell you that he was planning to leave so that you two could have parted ways in a manner that might have given you some sense of closure. However, at this point whatever his reasons were for doing so are irrelevant. The important thing now is that you focus on you and your needs. Let yourself go through the motions so that you can come out of this experience with a new perspective and hopefully a new lease on life to go along with it.

I doubt that anyone can say they went through a break up that went well unless it was a situation in which one or neither of the people involved were truly in love or otherwise invested in the relationship.

I am sorry that you are facing a very troubling road ahead of you but I am confident that you will somehow find the strength to eventually make your way toward greener pastures. Feel free to stop by this forum anytime and vent your frustrations. We would be happy to hear you out and help however possible.

Good luck and hang in there!

HI Kristen,
Since he was lying, cheating on you & treated you horrible, you should not be too surprised that he just walked out like that. I'm not telling you this to hurt your feelings. But since he was not a decent, good man to begin with, why would you expect him to all of a sudden do this in a mature, compassionate way?

Kristina had alot of good things to say to you. There is no ideal breakup. But people should treat the other person better than that. At least do it face to face in person. It does hurt alot. But from what you said, you are much better off without this man in your life.

Try to learn from this experience as to why you kept putting up with his bad behavior & treatment of you. Now, that you went through this you can know for sure what you don't want in a relationship. Don't be surprised if he tries to get back with you. I would not do that, if I was you.

The pain will be less as times goes on. Treat yourself real good & with alot of kindness. Good luck to you. Judy K.

Thank you guys. That helps to hear. I guess breakups are always hard but it would be nice if they could be done with some level of compassion.

Kristin,


I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I know it must be painful.

As others have stated there is no pleasant way to break up. Since he didn't provide any closure, you have to seek this for yourself without him. From what I've read the No Contact Rule works best. You should not contact him for **any** reason and do your best to put him out of your mind. No more thinking about what he has done. Move on and focus on your life and being good to yourself instead.