BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage A poll: Would you marry him if you knew?

If you knew how your life would turn out together, would you marry him? Would you marry him all over again?

Would you marry him again? multiple choice
	Absolutely! Good and bad times have been worth it.
	No way.
	Maybe. But I'd do things differently next time.
	I'd have him sign a prenup!
	I don't know.
Votes accepted starting: 03/06/09 02:28 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

Maybe - but I'd do things differently next time - We had a huge wedding with lots of money put into it, so I would elope!! LOL

I would definately marry him again. He is the love of my life.
However, we go through marriage counseling first - or pre-marriage counseling - for both our benefit.

There are so many things that need to be talked about before taking such a big step.

I don't know the answer yet. I've been married for 8 years ,have a 7 yo kid. I think I love him, but sometimes I feel so tired. He is basically a good man. He takes care of our daughter, likes to cook, doesn't complain about me so much. Every one of my friends said, he is a catch, keep him. I think so, too. Two, three small things just annoy me. I'm from different county and having difficulty to enjoy my life in US sometimes because of culture difference, language barrier, and so on. And another thing is that we are so much different for each other. I don't like what he likes. He doesn't like what I like. We often argue about something small. He said I attack him all the time whenever he talks about TV, news, and even small gossip. I kind of admit it. But I can't help it. Before marriage, I didn't realize that to have same value of life or same hobby, or same point of view with a partner is so important. I mean even "similar" ... And of course, usually we discover new aspects after marriage that we never knew before marriage, right? How can people like us keep their marriage happily? Any advice?

You're probably just frustrated so your tolerance is low. Plus, you mentioned that you feel tired. Maybe you should see a doctor. Medical problems make people tired and irritable. How is your general health? Do you eat well, get exercise? Are you nearing menopause? There could be something health-related to take care of before you can feel better about yourself and your relationships.

Cultural differences get tiresome, too. I know. I am married to a man of different culture and I know others in the same situation.

But, you married each other knowing you would have to accept each other's differences. It is unfair to be angry about it now. Focus on the good things you like about each other's cultures and learn more about them.

You DO have something in common: You love each other and your child. You both belong to the human race and humans share the same core values about love and family. Look for the similarities. They're there.

Find new things to enjoy together. Choose a new hobby or interest together. There are so many things to enjoy in life! Explore! Collect something, travel, see movies, make mutual friends, play games, learn a language or sport. Be open-minded. Learn to like new things. Doing the same old thing all the time is one sure way to get bored in life.

I have to tell you, riverboat, that your post has clues that you might have an underlying issue to deal with. You said you "can't help" attacking him all the time about anything. You sound like you are bored, frustrated and/or have a medical condition that makes you tired and irritable.

You say you don't love him, but you probably do. You're just not feeling right emotionally right now. Here's a clue: Ask yourself if you would care if your husband left you for another woman. Can you imagine another woman stealing him away? Loving him, kissing him...making him happy.

Please get a medical check up. Let the doctor know about your fatigue and irritability. And be open to new experiences with him. A good man is hard to find.

P.S. What is your cultural background?

Thanks Lori. You're right. I think so too I may be frustrated or have medical problem. I fatigue dealing with this life in US. I worked as a night shift stocker 6 days a week for 4 years and now I'm a full time student to be a LPN. Dealing with work and study as a second language wear me out. My husband does not make so much money but supports me a lot. And I chose this marriage, so I can't complain. I know he can't do anything about my cultural and language issue. So, again, not him but I have to deal with it.... I may take out on him! Thanks anyway for your advice... The fact that someone actually listens to my complain and give me advice comforts me a lot.... By the way, I'm from Japan.

riverboat,

I can 'feel' the sadness in both your posts. I truly get the sense that you are depressed. Fatique, irritability and sadness are sure signs of depression, IMO (in my opinion).

There are very good medications for this. I know , I was depressed for many years and finally had a talk with my doctor who put me on a very mild dosage. I was on it for about 3 or 4 years , then weaned myself off (with no problem). Many things have changed in my life, for the better and I don't need them anymore, but they got me through some very stressful times. I believe that I would have had a nervous breakdown if I hadn't admitted to myself that I really needed help.

I wish you all the best. Please talk to your doctor ~ explain exactly how you feel.

Hoping you keep us informed .

Regards,
cp

Riverboat, I have similar problems with my marriage. Although we love and adore each other, we don't have much in common and that makes things very hard at times. I suffer from Clinical Depression along with some other illnesses. I'm also unhappy with our current living situation. I want to move and he doesn't seem to care all that much. I have gotten across that I'm not happy here, where I live. And I'm not always happy with the way he thinks and goes about doing things. He's a smart, generous, loving man but he's just a little naive at times. There's also a small problem with the in-laws. I mean, generally, I love them and they're great people but they're nothing like me. We don't share the same religious views, behave or even talk the same. And hubby tends not to speak up to them when he should. So you could imagine the problems that can bring about. Like the others have said, it would be wise of you to get checked out for depression. Or maybe counseling with your husband would be a good idea. It sounds like your husband isn't understanding the severity of your needs at the moment. And in turn it's making you feel horrible. I hope you and your husband are able to work things out. Wishing you the best. Please keep us updated on how you're feeling.

Well no wonder you're tired! You are overworked and over-stressed. And it is exhausting to live in a foreign country and have to learn a new language while going to school and work...plus care for a family.

Is there a way you can do less? Can you work fewer hours? Six days a week is too much! Full-time school, too!

He needs to help you out more and be understanding about your stress level then.

Find ways to reduce your stress and your workload. Try not to take on too much. You are putting too much strain on yourself, your family and your marriage. You will get sick!

By the way, I am Japanese too. But I was not born in Japan so I don't have the same situation. The Japanese from Japan that I know do miss Japan and Japanese ways. Where do you live? Do you live near Japanese stores where you can find things from Japan? That will give you some comfort. Japanese foods, books, movies and other things from Japan. Your husband could love learning more about Japan and even speak Japanese! It would be good for your child, too!

Keep in touch!

I just found out after almost 40 years and an affair that he had that he initiated without caring about my feelings that I am married to a textbook narcissist/sociopath. If I knew then what I know now, I would have gladly spent my life alone.