BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce The last straw?

Everyone has a breaking point. That proverbial line in the sand and when crossed, it's over.

Many women in bad marriages don't know when to leave. It's mostly out of fear. Fear of the unknown, mostly. Sometimes, fear of religious repercussion.

There are bad reasons and good reasons to leave a marriage.

When did you decide to call it quits?

My husband had an affair and a child while we were married. I stayed in it for about 2 years after this affair. I stayed in it because I thought we could work it out and because I had had a child during this time. It sounds strange that I felt guilty about abandoning the marriage because of religious reasons. I felt that God would be angry and that noone would want me, but I went to counseling and was told that I wasnt the problem, he was and his infidelity. I am currently going through the divorce and have no regrets. I am at peace with myself and there is no drama in my house.

No, you weren't the problem. I'm glad you found peace and have no regrets.

Good luck and good love to you.

My husband basically left me for another woman but honestly our marriage had been over for some time. I was just desperately holding on due to finances.

I think a lot of people hang on because of the finances. We all need to survive.

i was like the wife in "diary of a mad, black woman." i had no idea he loved someone else. i had met her, heck, i even liked her. but it didn't occur to me that they would fall in love. and when he told me, i tried to do everything i could to deny it. i wouldn't leave. i wouldn't move my stuff out. i did move into the guest room, but only because i would cry all night, and i was ashamed of it. eventually, he and i agreed we would separate, but i would have the house to myself 3 nights a week, and he would have it 3 nights a week. 1 night we'd be there together (without speaking to one another of course). i kept saying i wanted to stay because of the pets, but i think it was really because i wanted something in my life i could still have some sort of control. but it was an awful existence.

finally, she decided enough was enough and moved in. i left the next day. signed a lease on an apartment without ever seeing it first (got lucky and have a great place with a gorgeous view of a nature preserve) and moved out that day. it was so hard though. we'd been married 14 years, and i was NOT ready to give up. but i had to.

and you know what? i'm very happy now. i wasn't worried about finances then. i knew i'd have to start completely over, and i did. i took my paycheck that first month and deposited it in a different account. and that's all i took in the way of money. it was hard, and there were lots of times i worried. but i was out of a situation that was not good for me or for anyone.

when i finally did see "diary of a mad, black woman," i saw myself in that girl. and i realized how pathetic i must have been. i wish i could say i had been stronger and had left the minute he told me, but i tried to stick it out, and i ended up staying a few months trying to get him to "come back to me." those few months almost killed me. i dropped down to 105 pounds and was just a walking skeleton with no soul even.

i remember the day i moved out, and that i was standing at my car putting stuff in the trunk. ex was going to his girl's house to get some of her stuff i think (can't remember where he was going, but i think that was it), and a friend of mine called my cell. i answered it, and it upset ex so much that i was talking to a man (not a romantic relationship at all; trust me). i put my phone back into my pocket (without hanging up) and continued to load my car, and when i put my phone back to my ear after ex left, i could hear my friend on the other end of the line praying. i'll never forget how that made me feel. it gave me so much courage for some reason.

i like to say now that by the grace of God, i am a strong, courageous, trusting, happy woman. sometimes i need to work to believe it, but that's what i want to be.