BellaOnline Forums Family Adoption Grandparents adopting grandchildren

Do I understand that they are telling you an abusive mother is better than a set of loving, thoughtful grandparents? I will tell you to be careful in dealing with the 'officals'. Not that any two cases are the same, but we went through something similiar a few years ago with our, then, 15 year old grandson. I made an off-hand comment and lost visitation and phone privileges. And we lost all momentum. That grandson is now living in a group home 200 miles away. We got visitation back, but the other grandmother has legal authority.

I hope you are part of a support group or getting some counseling. (I needed it. You are still dealing with the loss of your son. My son was purposefully doing this to me.) I'm certainly praying for you.

Their goal is reunification with the family. The workers make all kinds of excuses, she is on drugs, she is young, she had a bad upbringing, our son died (they had been broken up for 2 weeks at that time) you name it, we have heard it. Her new boyfriend has been living with her since November and recently beat the tar out of her. Finally after seeing her so beat up they started doing some checking and decided to limit her visits to supervised only. And they ordered a hair folicle test. She has been passing all the tests, but I always felt she could not really be passing them. But I am the grandmother and so anything I say they really do not take seriously as if it were someone not so involved. Today is her normal visit day and we will see if she even shows up at all again.

No, we have not joined any support group, I keep thinking things will slow down some, but with the mom it is constant drama. I am sure a support group would help. I guess for now we are clinging to the hope of being able to adopt our grandaughter. I can't tell you how many nights I have not been able to sleep over worrying about her future.

Connie

GrannyH, I'm so sorry about what you went through and are going through!

Connie, I second GrannyH's suggestion about joining a support group or getting some counseling. I think it would help in having an advocate on your side, or some friendly faces to support you in your goal of trying to adopt your granddaughter.

Let us know how it turns out today...keeping you in my thoughts!

We do have lots of support of family and friends and even strangers. We live in a small town and people talk. I went into the corner store the other night and the clerk asked me if I was Mary Jayne's gramma and then told me she had called the DHS about how the mom was acting several times (I guess she is a regular, every night stops in for a case of beer) and was outraged when she had heard she had a chance to get the baby back. So it is nice to hear that others are helping us. But only in a small town!

The mom did not show for her visit or call. This stomach bug is going around and the baby has had it for a couple of days now. I knew something was wrong when she would not eat. She loves to eat. This morning she is running a low grade temperature and is grumpy. I had called the drs office and they told me it takes a few days to get over and to offer and bland diet.

Hi Connie!

I'm so glad that there are others helping you!

I am so sorry that there wasn't a visit yesterday. That must have been so disappointing, to say the least. Are they (social worker?) keeping track of missed visits and such? Forgive me if that sounds like a silly question.

You sound like an amazing and strong grandmother!

Good luck battling the stomach bug--I hope she feels better soon!

Hi Brandii, I actually prefer no visits from the mom. Last few times she came to our house to visit she was too busy texting/talking on the phone to pay attention to our grandaughter.

I do have a journal that I keep. Sometimes the social worker asks to see it.

Well, she passed the stomach bug on to me but she is doing better. This morning we gave her some milk so we will see if it doesn't bother her.

Connie

Hey Connie, Stay well. Everytime this winter that one of my grandkids got that bug and couldn't go to school, they spent the day with me. I've had that bug three times, and don't think I could fight it another time.

Your granddaughter is fairly young if I remember correctly. Does she react badly when she has a visit from her 'mother'? Or does she even have a relationship with her? How long did she live with her 'mother'? How old was she when your son died? I'm just trying to find out if she's had parenting from anyone besides from you.

Brandii, thanks for your thoughts in my situation. It's something we have gotten beyond, but not without changing our lives. As far as my grandson is concerned - if he's not with me at least he's not with his parents. He may even be doing better where he is than if he would here. But he isn't getting what I call parenting where he is, I always think of the wasted potential. He isn't encouraged to become anything, to grow.

Connie, keep us informed. Good thoughts to you.

Hi Granny, Mary Jayne is doing a lot better now, but I am still having problems. Isn't that the way it goes!

Mary Jayne is 20 mths now. She came to live with us at 10 months. Most of the time prior to that my grandaughter stayed with her other gramma. She would keep her for a couple of weeks at a time and a lot of time one of her aunts kept her that lived with my son and the babies mom. Sometimes the neighbors would keep her. Pretty much anyone but the mom and my son was just as bad when he wasn't working. She was 13 months when my son died. Usually after visiting her mom Mary Jayne regresses to crawling (we think because that was what she was doing when she lived with her last) and also throws screaming kicking fits and is horrible to be around until the next morning. When the mom would visit in our home it wasn't as bad. I just figure that she would not tell her no at her house because she doesn't want to have to discipline her which doesn't help any, but I can understand I guess if you are only seeing the child very little how you wouldn't want to tell her no. But it is her own fault that she isn't seeing her. Before her visits were limited again we kept telling her any time she wanted to see her we were more than happy to let her take her. We were very concerned about the lack of bond between the two of them. The mom lives right behind us in apartments and it takes 2 minutes to walk over here. She didn't want to see her on days she worked for some reason. She did have a part time job, and I stress part time but would only want to visit on days off even though she only would see her for 2 hrs.

Ya'll, I could write a Lifetime movie and Patty Duke could play me....enough for today! Connie

Connie, how is everyone feeling today?

I hope you all are feeling much, much better!

Thank goodness we are all well and eating normally again. My husband laughed at me one day when I told him I ate saltines for breakfast and popcorn for lunch. I am working on supper right now...meatloaf and macaroni and cheese...comfort foods.