BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I appreciate the moms' input here!

I haven't posted my story yet but I am planning to do it soon, there have been several people here who have written about being on the fence and I had to double check it wasn't me (maybe having sleep-written it!) Before I do though I have been meaning to say that I think this board is unique because there is so much great input from people who are already moms and who are so honest about what it's like. I feel like in the past I was only getting information from ecstatic moms or people who are childfree and knew it from an early age, never looked back (I was one of those, but not anymore unfortunately). Hearing from people like Solalux, Jeannette, Michelle, and so many others gives me hope that I will be able to stop obsessing about how great it would be to have kids. I don't want to divorce my husband and be a single mom to have a child, only to realize that it is not as fulfilling and wonderful as my friends and TV led me to believe. I don't mean to say that the moms who post here are all saying the same thing, or are saying don't have kids, I just feel like they are expressing a spectrum of opinions and emotions instead of the black and white; e.g. kids ruin your life or kids are the only reason to live.

Reading your post made me want to say that making the decision to have a child (although sometimes getting pregnant is an oopsy) is like making a decision to buy a house. You really really really have to make sure this is what you want to do for the rest of your life. I am 35 and still call my parents from time to time for advice and insight. You are usually in a contract to buy a house for 15 to 30 years. You won't move into a house without a lot of thought and planning. I really respect people who decide to be child free.

A decision to remain child free is such a personal choice, one that maybe needs to be reviewed every now and again. Life is not black and white. Most mom's are good mom's most of the time. Some mom's find parenting difficult and at times extremely challenging. Raising children can be difficult at the best of times. To have a child and the choice was ambivalent can lead to unhappy lives. The reality is that for some mother's a different choice may have been better in the first place

I was talking to a friend last night - she has two grown up kids who have now left home. She asked me if I ever wanted to have them and I told her no, I had never felt the urge to do so. And she said that while she was happy she'd had her kids, if she'd known what hard work it would be, she might have thought again. She also made the point that it's LIFELONG - even when your kids are independent, you never stop caring, you never stop worrying and you continue to be there for them, in good times and bad.

She also said her kids have brought her a lot of fun and joy, but she totally understands that it is not a choice for everyone.

I love mums who tell it like it is! There have been such good insights from the mothers on here, I really appreciate their sharing.

Heh. That kind of makes me laugh. I imagine a conversation between my Conscious Self and Internal Self.

Conscious Self: "well, it's time for That Conversation again. Here you are, xx years old and still haven't had kids. Are you sure you are happy with that?"

Internal Self: "Yes, I am, dammit. Do we have to have this same boring talk, over and over again? The answer is NO. It's always been NO and it will always be NO. Now shuddup. I'm really getting sick of you bringing this up!"