BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids i'm losing it

Well, the truth is that while some of us adore being moms, motherhood is tough.

Some mothers I know do NOT have great relationships with their children, young or grown. Some play favorites. Some have horrible mothering skills. Some do all they can and STILL have troubling relationships with their kids. And some kids come with so many problems (medical, physical, psychological and emotiona) that the gig is even harder.

If you even think motherhood may not be for you, I would NOT talk you into it. It must be a calling. A labor of love. Because your dedication and sanity WILL be tested. Will it be worth it? I think so. But my kids came out pretty nice and loving.

I cry for my friend who was told that her child would grow up to be a sociopath if they didn't do intense therapy and medication. Another person my husband knows bought his grown daughter a new car and she flipped him off as she drove it out of the car lot and never saw him again. No kidding.

My own little boy was born with a terminal genetic disorder. He slept only three hours a night, was violent and destructive for years until his health worsened, had chronic diahhrea and took off his diapers all the time (I had to scrub the floors and walls daily)...but in his defense, he made us laugh and love more than we knew was possible and we were thankful to be his parents...But then he up and died and broke our hearts so badly that we can hardly go on living.

These are the stories you don't hear from moms.

Having children takes all the resources of your heart and soul and you may or may not get anything in return! I am telling you that I did. Motherhood defined me and was the best thing about my otherwise worthless life.

But...it isn't that way for everyone. If you know you don't want children, you should NOT be made to feel bad about your decision. In fact, you should commend yourself on being wise and courageous enough to know what is right for you. Too many others are pressured into motherhood and it ruins their lives and the lives of their children.

Have you read the posts where mothers regret being moms? Heartbreaking because they're stuck in a bad situation and everyone suffers.

I know what you mean. A while back I posted about my mom's best friend telling me that if I don't want kids then most certainly don't have them. She told me that she regretted having kids and if she could do it over again, she wouldn't have any. Her and her husband are about the nicest people you would ever meet. I am sure they weren't perfect parents, but I just can't seem to figure out why her kids turned out the way they did. Well, one of them for sure. Exactly what you mean about the kids treating their parents like [censored]. I believe that her children were planned and they were wanted children so it isn't like she had them and didn't want them.
Sometimes it doesn't matter how a child is raised, some people just turn out to be jerks, or whatever it is you want to say.

Besides my mom, she was the first person who when I said I didn't want kids didn't give me the same old response that frustrates us CF. Also, she was the first mother that I have ever heard say she regretted having kids. It boggled my mind at the time, but not really so much anymore.

on_a_roll....I've written about myself in this forum in the same situation that you're in now. And it SUCKS...I know. Yes, you have all the things Lori mentioned but it is hard to deal with the day-to-day demands of forcing yourself to be happy for your friends, when you know you'll lose them shortly after the birth! Out of my friends who have babies, I'm only close with one of them now. The others haven't had kids yet but it's inevitable. I've sort of resigned myself to feeling left out, and having friends either older or younger than me...or online friends! We're here for you!

Lori-Marriage I like you! :D As for friends having kids...the thing that I find sucks about that is that once they have kids you can pretty much bid farewell to that friendship....it just won't be the same. Sara _________________________ www.ChildfreeCommunity.com The first and only social network dedicated exclusively to the Childfree!

A child-free by choice friend of mine once told me that because of my desire to be child-free, at times I would feel alone, like I don't belong. I think that you have done yourself a service by posting on these forums,maybe you will meet some locals on here who also don't want kids.

I can relate completely to your situation, on_a_roll - in the week after Christmas, SEVEN of my friends called me to announce they were pregnant. It got to the point where the phone would ring and I would think, "Here's another one!" I kept thinking, "well, at least [two other close friends] aren't pregnant..." A month later, friend X called to announce the news, and just last week I heard from friend Y. Apparently it's the new trend. It's a bizarre feeling. On one hand, I feel really alone and almost kind of betrayed, since some of these announcements were very unexpected. At the same time, I also feel a very strong sense of relief. None of these phone calls has prompted me even to think, "Oh, maybe I should do this too!" The sudden onslaught of pregnancies has prompted me to self-analyze more, though - why it is that I feel differently about this issue. It's been surprisingly clarifying, even as I grieve the shift that I know will inevitably take place in these relationships. Lori-Marriage, thank you for posting your thoughts. It makes a huge difference to hear the things that Moms don't usually share. That's not to detract from the rewards of motherhood that you and many others have experienced, but the honesty means a lot and helps to validate my own discernment process.

Im frustrated with all the attention pregnant women get. A male friend and his girlfirend recently broke up. He returned the engagement ring. Now she is 2 months pregnant because she went off of the pill and didn't tell him. He is planning to buy her a new SUV becuase its somehow a deduction from child support that he will pay. Also, he worked out a deal with his boss to fudge his wages so he won't pay as much for child support. The girl doesn't make enough money and will apply for Medicaid assistance. Her mom bought her a house.Now the guy might marry the girl only becuase she is pregnant. I don't understand why knocked up women get praised and showered with gifts for being careless. With todays society, a baby is always welcomed no matter how many problems it will bring for the rest of us. I don't get why people have dreams and future plans such as careers, college, cars, homes and throw it away for an unintended pregnancy. I put myself through college and will graduate this week. I am not getting a free house or car. I had to buy my own car and am driving the same car since I was 16. I've noticed that it takes getting knocked up to be appreciated and to get free things that should be earned. Sorry for the rant but this world isn't fair. Any thoughts?

Hi Aw21-

Don't apologize for speaking your mind. I agree with you! I had to pay for college, but if I had just gotten myself knocked up, I could have gotten money for college! Imagine that!

It really sucks hey... the other day I was thinking it is FREE to have a child... how come people with kids have ALL THIS GOVERNEMENT SUPPORT? For something they chose to do. When I chose to move to EDUCATE!!! myself... noone rewards me for it, even tho' I can then contribute to society better, and have more to give....

Surely its a lifestyle choice... just like moving to live by the ocean... or chosing to wear nothing but Gucci