BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids i'm losing it

Hey all-

Well, it's official- every friend I have ever had is either a mom or pregnant or trying..I feel like i can't breathe. i am so overhwelmed right now. i just needed to get that out-

Thanks =)

OMG!!!! I feel the same way, it is quite stressful isn't it, in a wierd kind of way. Do you ever start to second guess yourself?

i know the feeling. ugh, i had 14 friends pregnant 1 year. sheez. a baby shower every other week it seemed. at the time, i had been trying to have a child of my own for almost 10 years, so it was awful for me. i relied on my medication to get through those weekends.

nowadays, it bugs me because there are ladies i work with who are pg and ladies who haven't had kids. people keep asking the ones without kids when they're going to have them, and i just want to scream at the people to leave them alone. let them make up their own mind if and when and if they don't have them, then that's fine. why do people always feel the need to coerce others into reproducing? it really bothers me. sometimes i wonder if that's why i wanted children in the first place. after all, everyone else was doing it, and people kept asking me and asking me when i was having kids or why i didn't have kids or didn't i even like kids.

i know you're probably going through those questions. it's a different situation for you than it was for me, but the questions are still the same. and they're personal and unfair if you ask me. i'm thinking of you, hon. when those silly questions get asked, remember that you are who you are. you are a strong and wonderful woman who has a lot of value. your value is from within and not from the kids you produce. i had to remind myself of that many times.

and one thing that helped me get through my friends trying to tell me that i should have kids (many of them had no clue i had been trying for so long and was horribly depressed by it all) was remembering their complaints about the changes their bodies were going through. they had no control over anything, and for once, i was feeling better than they were. it was weird, and it was one of the few things that got me through.

it's hard when all your friends are changing, and you're not. even if you don't want to take the road they're on, it's still hard. it's a very isolating feeling.

on_a_roll....I will be your friend ;-)

Hi Holly, Andos, and on-a-roll
I'm a parent, but I agree with you - those questions are intrusive. I think sometimes it's asked by well meaning people, sometimes I think that they're just being nosy. They don't know everyone's personal business whether they're trying to have kids and are unsuccessful or just plain don't want kids. Either way it really isn't anyone's business except yours.
I'm not sure if there is a solution to it all, but I feel your pain and aggrevation...just wanted you to know

On_a_roll,

I just got done talking to snack_cake_girl (from the fence-sitter post) about the same thing. This same scenario hit me back in about 2006 to 2007 -- I'm the only one not in the "toddlers" club.

Hang in there and don't give in to the pressure. I know it's easier said than done. I'll say a prayer for you :-) -- I have to say a lot for myself.

- beth_m

Thanks for the kind words, everyone!

I used to think the most difficult thing in a freindship was distance, but know i know it's pregnancy. It's like from the day they say "I'm pregnant", they're gone forever. It's such a feeling of loss, like a kick in the stomach...but at the same time, you are "supposed" to be happy! It's draining.

Even though I have/had children and loved it, I can sympathize with you. I know people make child-free women feel uncomfortable. We had a great time raising our children (although we had hard and unfun times, too!) But I can't say that is the reality for every mother.

Have you seen Nanny 911? *ack* If all children were like that, I would be happily child-free, too!

I hear true and horrible stories about parents with grown children who now treat them like [censored]. So, don't think that having children ensures company in your old age! One can say, "Well, it's the way they were raised--poorly!" True. But sometimes, kids just turn out selfish or rotten due to external influences through bad friends, drugs, booze and television, etc. Even in good families.

Other good things you have over mothers:

1. No stretch marks or stretched out bellies.
2. No saggy breasts from breastfeeding.
3. No loose vaginal muscles.
4. No baggy eyes from lack of sleep.
5. A nice wardrobe with no food stains.
6. Time to talk with friends on the phone without interruptions.
7. A tidy house.
8. Money in the bank.
9. Mental stimulation that goes beyond Sesame Street.
10. Fingerprint-free car windows.
11. Exotic, ethnic meals in nice restaurants.
12. Adult songs that run through your mind instead of "I love you, you love me..." sung by a purple dinosaur.
13. Uninterrupted sex time without worrying about waking up the kids.
14. Eight hours of deep sleep.
15. Real vacations.
16. Presents. Usually, it's "Don't bother to get me anything. Just buy stuff for the kids."
17. No guilt or anxiety about your mothering skills that might produce a sociopath.
18. Your own sense of self intact.

...you get the picture. But you already know all of this. When moms make you feel as though you're missing out, smile and think, "Oh no. YOU'RE missing out."

Then, catch an episode of Nanny 911 and know you made a good decision.

Lori,

Thanks for the post. You've just brightened my day ;-).

-Beth

Actually Lori, as you say, we or maybe I speak for myself but, yes, I may know those things, but when it comes from an actual mother, that gives it all a whole different meaning. So thank you for sharing those things, and even tho' I wish I had more money in the bank, and more holidays.. I guess what I realise is, I would have less of it, if I had decided to take the alternative route.