I was married and had 3 kids. Got divorced. My ex husband had an affair. I have all boys - they were very young when we divorced. He would try to get the boys to call her step mom - but he's had a bad track record. He was very abusive in our relationship -and that relationship ended with an assault charge....get where im going with this one? Anyways - i have always tried to be hard on the boys - thinking - i want them to grow up and be responsible young men - thoughtful - caring etc right? We all try i am sure. My ex - couldn't care less - it was his mission in life to make my life miserable - causing problems between me and the kids constantly - we shared custody at first - (they were 13, 10 and 7 at the time) - then he started having issues - when he got charged with assault i was told he would have to have supervised visits until he sought counselling.
My middle son at 13 when this happened - wanted to live with his dad - i didn't think it was safe - but long story short he did. He cut off all ties with me. It was very hard for me - he didn't like my new husband - they didn't get along. My ex wasn't helping matters by making up stories and saying mean things. Then my middle son after 3 years decided to come and live with us again.
the same problems re-surfaced again - and i wasn't on top of them - and let him away with alot - probably guilt - but when i look back on it now - i was scared. I was scared he would go back to his dad's and i would be seen in a bad light. Stupid i know - but scarry all the same. All things came to a head when he turned 18. Up to this point he wasn't making curfew - he wasn't paying his bills on time - he was abusing my vehicle etc. Finally - he started talking to me like his father had all those years before - and i lost it. Told him if he didn't like the rules then he could leave. He called his dad and left the next day. To preface this - when he moved back with us at 16 - for a whole year he wouldnt' talk to his dad - i was the one who got them talking and his dad's girlfriend.
Now i am a piranha - im the bad mom that told him to leave. Im the witch that did nothing for him. He even said once that i chose my husband over him. (i know my ex and i know these are his words). The last straw for me - the lies - he told so many lies that after he left - i was still finding out stuff he had lied about. Thankfully - the rest of the family understood - and even his brothers said - let him go - teach him a lesson.
When he moved back with us - he told us his father had abused him - mentally and physically and because i had gone thru the same stuff i believed him - and the guilt got worse.
I don't think we will ever get back what we lost when he was 13 and left the first time. He hurt me terribly. For months i didn't go in his room -for months i cried. when he came back i was so thankful that i let things go. He treated my husband and his brothers and me disrespectfully and finally i drew the line in the sand.
What hurts the most really? My ex husband did nothing to prevent this - and not his girlfriend either who at the time proposed to be helping! Ya right! I keep saying - just you wait - it will happen to you too.
My oldest son told me i did the right thing. He said his brother was being selfish and stupid and he would learn. I try to concentrate on the positive - but i have to tell you - the guilt is enough to kill your heart sometimes when you're a parent as im sure you know. You make a decision and you think its the right one - but you still feel guilty. I KNOW it was the right decision to ask him to leave. He disrupted everyone's lives - and then i found out after he moved out - that he had been cooking this up for months - which hurt even more!
I am hoping that one day he will see - but for right now he is not talking to me. When i've spoken to the ex - he says - i told you he would come back to me. It was all a game to him - and he has no idea the damage he has done to his kids. Good luck
