BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Disabilities Invisible Disabilities

Many people we meet daily have "invisible disabilities". Sometimes in our rush we forget that, for example when we see someone that appears perfectly healthy park in a disabled zone.

This month we will recognize some of those people. National Awareness Days for February:

National Wise Mental Health Consumer Month, National American Heart Month, National Women's Heart Health Day and National Have-A-Heart Day on February 14th.

If you or someone you love has an invisible disability I hope you will take a moment and share your thoughts with us on the subject.

I personally can identify, what about you?

Yes, my daughter is a symptomatic carrier of a genetic disorder. She looks, speaks and behaves like a typical young adult but her memory problems are extreme. People who talk to her think she's just ditzy because they have to repeat things to her over and over. It is so bad that if we're in public, I can't just send her to go and throw away a garbage in a trash can too far away or she won't find me on the way back!

And...is this a disability? An emotional disability? I suffer from bouts of extreme self-doubt. It is debilitating. I can't tell you how it has messed up my life. I've run away from great jobs because I get hit with this sudden overwhelming feeling of being inferior and inadequate.

For example even now, I was accepted at Suite101.com to contribute food articles. I needed to type in my bio/profile, but when I read someone else's I couldn't believe how accomplished she was! By comparison, I wondered what I was doing there. And then...all of a sudden, I wondered why I am here at BellaOnline...and then the spiral begins.

I am bowled over by people's professional accomplishments! They've traveled extensively, produced their own shows, published books, etc. etc.

I keep reminding myself that I have had several challenges in life: One being my own emotional/mental health issues and two, my handicapped, terminally ill children.

But still...it is so hard to overcome the "disabilities" of my own self-esteem.

I have a grandchild that has a form of Epilepsy. He has what is called silent or absence seizures. I often read anything I can find about "invisible disabilities". Those who suffer with these types of illnesses often have a difficult time understanding their own feelings/emotions. Trying to explain to someone who does not suffer from such an illness can be next to impossible. As I have mentioned previously I encourage increasing ones knowledge about their own disease in order to help others understand how they feel. The internet has much information on just about any type of disease. Then of course there is always the library. Please encourage your daughter to learn about her disease. Also, take some time for yourself and read up on the emotional issues you are experiencing. Knowledge truly is power!

Well deafness is certainly invisible

Hi Felicity,

Yes, deafness ranks up there very high on the invisible disabilities list. Perhaps there is something you could share with the the previous poster friendly girl and her daughter about that would help them both to see that this is the beginning of a new journey for both of them and their family and friends. Friendly girl's daughter has been newly diagnosed and she is a very young person I'm sure this new way of life seems very overwhelming to her. I have visited your website and read that you began dealing with your deafness as a child.

Friendly girl, I hope that you and your daughter will visit Felicity's Deafness Site here on Bellaonline and also her other link at:BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I have Fibromyalgia, which definitely falls into the invisible disabilities category. And to make matters worse, if I have a good day I can walk and function just fine. That makes other people tend to think there is nothing really wrong when I am having a flare.

I had a deaf employee several years ago at a retail store. She was our full time receiver and worked mostly in the back. I took sign language lessons and worked with her so I could learn to communicate with her more effectively. She could read lips very well and therefore was able to talk with most people, but when she would have to do any work on the floor it was hard for her.

I used to get complaints about "that woman who was ignoring me" all the time, and while most were understanding, I was always surprised at the people who did not understand she was not ignoring them, she was deaf. I had actually been asked more than once why I would hire someone like that!! Talk about intolerance... I always stated simply that she was very conscientious and good at her job, and I wished I had more employees of her caliber. I could never say what I really wanted to those few people, unfortunately...

Hi Sarah,

This subject is very close to my heart as well. I have a sister who is schizophrenic. When her illness is out of control it is obvious to anyone that she has a mental disability. However, when she is properly medicated most people would look at her and wonder how she could possibly be drawing disability. Her's is a long story that took place over many years. Unfortunately, due to her illness and things that have happened to her because of her illness she will never be able to work again. I've often had people ask me why she doesn't live with me instead of in a home. If they only knew!

The more common term for disabilities that are not obvious is "hidden disabilities." And, they are a problem for many people. This is particularly true for younger people. As I age, I am finding that using a disability parking permit gets easier. I have not been asked why I am using disability parking for years. However, in my 30's and 40's it was a constant problem.

I have been living with hidden mobility issues for most of my life. When I have used crutches, no one has questioned that I need to use disability parking. However, I only use them when I have an injury or surgery.

I drove a station wagon for about 10 years. I was showing dogs for part of that time and I had 2 children. It was the right vehicle for the time. When I was single again, I eventually decided that I should get a newer car because I was driving 2 children in Minnesota winters on some pretty remote roads. The station wagon was 10 years old and I was starting to have to replace parts. It was at the time when 4 cylinder cars were first on the market. I decided that I would still need a 6 cylinder car that could carry hockey equipment and skis for my children. The Cavalier was a great fit for my family and they had a model with 6 cylinders--a Z-24. Not being well versed on car models, I did not realize that a Z in the car name meant sports car. (You can laugh. It just shows how uninformed I was.)

When I bought the Z-24, I learned many things. I learned immediately that insurance on a sports car costs more. I learned that the tires that come on cars with a Z in the name do not stop well in rain or snow--so new tires were found. I learned that a small car with a 6 cylinder engine goes pretty fast pretty quickly, so I had to learn some new driving lessons such as using cruise control because the speed limit felt too slow. And, I learned that the general public does not expect people with disabilities to drive a sports car. The experience was awful! I even had problems with people with disabilities. I had those nasty stickers put onto my car even though I was legally using the parking permit. I was told that the spots should be left for people with wheelchairs who really needed the spaces. I had a man try to keep me away from my car when my son was already in it--requiring me to choose between getting help or staying with my son. He felt I should leave the spot for someone who really needed it. The list could go on.

I have used a disability scooter for mobility for about 14 years. I do not own a van, so I could not use it as much as I would like to. This year, I moved up to an electric wheelchair. I usually cannot use it when I leave home. When I do use an either device, I still experience people telling me I don't need it and that I walk just fine. I can agree. For a short time, I walk just fine. Then I start having issues of pain in many joints all over my body. The other issue is that I walk ok, but I haven't yet learned how to fall well--and falling causes injuries that take a long time to heal. I've been falling since my mid-20's and I'm tired of being injured.

There is a point to this post. Not all people understand disability. And there are people who think that people who are not using wheelchairs are somehow cheating everyone. There are people who have very negative attitudes about any disability issues. We can't make them go away.

We do have choices though. I have personally learned to try to choose to be positive about the encounters. They can be opportunities to educate people without going into the nitty gritty of our conditions. Or we can choose to be polite and move on. And, we can also wonder what happened to people who are so bitter. I cannot imagine living with constant anger. It is exhausting and it doesn't usually lead to anything good. Instead, I say a silent prayer and try to move on with my life.

This isn't profound by any means, but it does make living with disabilites a more positive experience. And it motivates many to get active in the disability community to advocate for all people with disabilities. Advocacy is a positive force that can help to promote change. And, you can feel good everytime there is a step forward for people with disabilities.

Kathy Strom