BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids List of Reasons for Not Having Children

I'm new here, and I thought I'd make my first post featuring my list of why I want to be child-free. Feel free to add to the list, and I might add some later on as well.

1. Everytime I see parents in public with their kids, most of them seem stressed out over their mischievous kids.
2. I once met a childless couple along with a couple with a baby who cries a lot. The childless couple seem much happier.
3. I like the idea of spending the rest of my life doing the things I've always wanted to do.
4. I want room to pursue other interests besides my career.
5. To raise a child into someone admirable and mature is VERY hard in this complex society where so many things can influence the child at any time, for better or for worse.
6. I like the idea of always having room for a romantic life. Having kids really can restrict it.
7. The population is 6.5 billion, and according to the UN, from what I've heard, it could go up to 9 billion by 2050. The human population isn't exactly low, so I wouldn't be contributing anything.
8. I don't believe you can raise a good child by only spending an hour with the child each night. It takes much more than that.
9. Even if people say I'm a good person and will be a good father, there are things I cannot control (i.e. the media, other kids, etc.), so I can never tell how a child will turn out. I don't like uncertainty when it comes to
parenting.
10. Children are the same as cats and dogs: cute to look at, but owning and being responsible for taking care of one is a whole different thing altogether.
11. Based on my somewhat unhappy childhood, I'm afraid of having a child that would go through the same obstacles in school (bullies, etc.) as I did.
12. The world has enough problems so that I consider it a more adult-friendly world than a child-friendly one.

Again, additions are welcome. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

13.) Once you become a parent, you are always a parent. There is no retirement, vacation time, nor breaks when it comes to children. Full time job doesn't even come close to covering the description. I just wanted the chance to say how much I respect those you are going through difficult times because you have chosen to be child free. The endless questions and hurtful remarks, plus the all the harassment that I have read about in just the few short hours since I have happened upon this site has really opened my eyes. It has saddened me to think that in this day and age, people are pressed into thinking that they must have children in order to be accepted, though it is still true about many other things as well. It takes great courage and fortitude to step off the beaten path and do what is right for you, and to stick to your plans while facing all the negative aspects. And while I look forward to being a mother someday, I am amazed and grateful for everyone here who has posted, because you have helped me. It may sound odd, but you have. You have decided to forgo a responsibility that you didn't want to have, and have made a mature decision about the way that you want to live your life, and there is nothing selfish about it. I respect everyone here who has made their decision based on what they want in life, and you should not be made to feel that what you are doing is wrong, because there are so many unwanted children looking for loving homes, and it would be much worst to add to that number(this is just my opinion, I mean no disrespect toward those who had no choice but to give up their children.). I wish everyone here many years of happiness and that the negative remarks and impressions dwindle as the time passes. BB. Ladyscorpio

14. If you do not have patience, children are not something you bring into this world to teach you patience.

They need patience and understanding. If you don't feel you have that to offer a child, please reconsider.


15. It DOES NOT always work "When you have your own children, you'll feel differently".

What if you don't feel differently?


16. With the rate of divorce in this world and deadbeat parents (financially and emotionally), could you provide for your child (children) if something happens to your partner?

Right now with the recession - this is a good time to think about having a child or children. Can you really afford it? While sometimes it seems like roses in your future, sooner or later, there are thorns.

That's a very good point. And also a funny paradox. I used to tell people things like "I am not interested in kids", "I have no patience". "a baby crying makes the most annoying noise I can think of", "Labor is for me such a horrible thing that I see it as a reason to dislike your child, not to love him". And I kept hearing: "you will feel differently when you have your own children". My answer was always, shouldn't my views change FIRST and not AFTER?

And I bet a lot of post partum depressions come from having children thinking that the magic to see his/ her little face will be so powerful that all fears and doubts will be gone AFTER. Wrooong!!

I definitely agree with you that you should want a child first and not hope to fall in love later. I feel so horrible for the little ones and the mothers on the thread "I hate being a Mom" - because the adult feels trapped, but the baby IS trapped, they certainly had no control over coming into this world.

However, I did want to comment on your post-partum comment. Post partum depression is caused by a change of hormones and brain chemicals that throw the body into a real chemical Depression just like Clinical Depression. This is not just the same thing as being overwhelmed or feeling sad, Post Partum Depression is a psychologically diagnosed disroder. Most women require medication to deal with it.

I suffer from Clinical Depression and Bi-Polar, so am more likely to have PPD, and we knew it, so when it happened I could "logic" it out, and we had the medication ready. I still spent hours on a crying jag just after my last child was born however. But new Moms that have never been through this before may have no idea what they are suffering.

I know there are Moms out there that are whiners, but please don't lump women with PPD in with that group. They really cannot help what they are feeling, no more than a person who is suffering from autism can.

I still have to say that I am fascinated by this forum because I was an adult for 10 years, and together with my husband for 7 before I had a baby and no one ever asked me to justify myself as to why I was married without children. Even my husband--who saw himself as a father--didn't pressure or question me. EVER.

In fact once when I was 26, married and without children I was walking down the street with a friend who was also married but she had a baby. In front of us was a woman who was so pregnant you could see it from behind. She was walking .000001 miles an hour. It was obvious something was wrong. I watched the pregnant woman horrified and said to my friend "Oh my God, what is wrong with her?" And my friend said "yeah, when you're pregnant you have to walk like that because your tailbone hurts." I then said. "I guess I'll never be pregnant."

My friend didn't then launch into a lecture about how when you see the baby's face all the pain of labor goes away (yeah right) and then try to convince me that having a baby was one of life's major joys blah, blah, blah...Are you kidding? She went on about the other aches and pains associated with pregnancy.

When I didn't have children it would have been okay for me to say that I didn't want to have children "just because I don't want to" and my friends wouldn't have shunned or lectured me or tried to change my mind or brain wash me. I have friends and family (out of all of our siblings between me and my husband we're THE only ones with kids and I don't know why no one else doesn't--none of my business) who don't have children and I don't ask them why or to justify themselves. I just figure that they don't want to. And get this, out of all of my friends and family who don't have children--all ranging in age from 30-53. None of them--as far as I know--are pining away for a child. They're content with their lives. As happy as those I know who do have children as far as I can see anyway.

But in regards to this thread. I think one major reason for not having children, is that this is not a child friendly socieity. It's not. It takes a village to raise a child and the U.S. is an individualistic society and the children don't get what thy really need because of it.

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I know there are Moms out there that are whiners, but please don't lump women with PPD in with that group. They really cannot help what they are feeling, no more than a person who is suffering from autism can. [/quote]

I am sorry, I think you misunderstood me. I never meant to say that women with PPD are whiners AT ALL (anyway what I write in this forum could make ME a whiner :-)), or that PPD is not a real thing. Of course it is. What I am saying is, that I have the impression, not scientific, just my impression, that it might be over-diagnosed. Stereotypes are very powerful, and even a doctor with a degree in psychiatry can ask all the right questions and not get honest answers. I read somewhere in the Moms forum, I think you did too, about this woman who never wanted to have children, but had them because of some contraception failure, loved them but did not feel what I always call the "magical" bond. She had been diagnosed PPD. (That struck me, because I read in a brochure that PPD is specially typical among women who really, really wanted a baby). Of course I don't know about the circumstances and I cannot judge here at all, but I thought, that's exactly how I felt. After birth a midwife came to visit as at home to help out once a week for a couple of weeks, and I told her about my "lack of magical bond". Her automatic response was to give me some brochure about PPD. I knew I was not depressed, I was furious and disappointed and hating my body, but not depressed in the clinical sense. When my anger did not banish I asked for help and I had post traumatic stress (because of labor) and low frustration levels. That was it. If I had not known better, if I had been conventional enough to follow the flow, I might have ended up with PPD too!!

It is unbelievable how little people know sometimes about themselves. Women are told so many times how wonderful it is to have your child in your arms for the first time, that even those like me who did not believe it, hope for it. I wonder how many women out there want kids to be like the rest, to conform to a pattern, to fulfill a fantasy of a family and then feel disappointed that the "magical bond" does not show up, but are to embarrassed to admit it. That alone can lead to a depressive state, but not necessarily PPD.

Ah, yes I understand.

I was one of those who wanted children (just the timing was very bad). I still do love babies and find rocking a baby to sleep to be very soothing for me as well.

So when I couldn't hold my last child without having a breakdown, it was hard. (But then his was a hard birth, too.)

Yes, many psychologial illnesses are overdx; adhd, anxiety, depression-that's part of what makes it so much harder for those people thst truly DO suffer from these, because then they just get blown off. It is sad.

17. The homes of my friends with children are almost always a disaster area... strewn with toys, high chairs, playpens, baby blankets, etc. I could not live in all that clutter.

18. I am already a complete person. I don't need a child to make me whole.

19. With as busy as my life is, I don't have the physical or emotional energy to take care of a child.

I so agree. I hated it too. At home, since my son could crawl, all his things stay in his room. And eating is only allowed in the kitchen. By looking at our living room, you couldn't tell a toddler lives here. Friends with children are always impressed when they visit. I guess it�s for some a disciplinary challenge. Not for children, for parents. It might make some their life easier to have your kid, your TV, your food, his food, your things, his things all together.