BellaOnline Forums Family Sons Sons with Attitudes!

Does anyone have advice for 18 year olds who think they know everything?

Hey, you could be talking about my 17 yr old! Some days I want to pinch his little head off! I think it is just normal for them to be like that. Patience is the only thing I can think to tell you although mine wears thin at times.

You wait until they finally realize that you were a lot smarter than they thought you were. That takes longer with some than with others, but it usually kicks in when they get kids of their own.
And it is SO sweet!

When sons become an "adult" and know "everything" the best advice is to sit back and let go. This is extremely hard to do especially if he is making poor choices. This life lesson that he needs to learn on his own better as an adolescent than an adult. Don't rescue him when he makes mistakes instead allow him to fall flat on his face (tough love) Try not to say "I told you so", instead talk with him to see what he could have done differently. When he makes good choices, praise him for using good judgment.
A contract was helpful when my son was this age. We each wrote out expectations regarding the household contributions, car privileges,employment,curfew and "rent" and consequences as well. It is important to be consistent with the consequences and if he doesn't like it or appreciate your home, he has the option as an "adult" to live elsewhere.
Most importantly be affectionate to your son and tell him you love him everyday.

Alleaha,
This is excellent advice for any adult child. It worked in my house. We did not write out a conract..a vebal one worked for us.
Sundancer
www.msgembroidery.com

I have three sons, 20,22, and 27. I have lived through it. I am not sure how sometimes, but I have. The age of reason is between 25-27. Those are the years when they finally realize that parents know more than children and we're not so bad after all.

I know it's not easy, in fact it's very difficult to keep your momth quiet when all you want to do is lecture. But I would have to agree with others, let him make his own mistakes. I agree with this as long as a mistake does not mean physical harm to others or to himself.

He lives in your house, just as my sons do. They are welcome to as long as they live the life we live, live by our morals, be respectful, help around the house financially and work wise. They are great boys with a great sense of humor and I love to be around them and their friends. But they know its our home to share with them. They might as well stay here and save money, but this is a family, not a boarding house.

Keep the faith!! It does get better!

Thanks all for your advice - i have 3 boys also - 22, 18 and 15 - and the 22 yr old was near as crazy as the 18 yr old - or maybe he was - i just choose not to remember? My 22 year old is the one who's telling his brother he's making mistakes!

Unfortunately - or fortunately my 18 yr old decided to move out and venture in another direction. We have a 'contract' also - one he didn't follow - didn't obey curfew, didn't pay his bills - expected everyone else to do for him but he wasn't willing to pick up his dirty laundry - you know the drill.....to have such disrespect was almost too much - too many tears and too many nights where i lay awake wondering....but no more.

We had a deal and he didn't follow through with his promise - he is now living with his father and girlfriend, choosing not to return to college (long story but the short version was i paid for his first installment and he pay for the 2nd - he didn't)....i almost gave in and paid for it - but what lesson would he learn? Now of course he tells everyone his mother didn't pay for his school - and that's why he quit...but that is not the truth.

It's frustrating because this is not the child i raised....well actually - he's in there somewhere. It's so hard to stand back and let them fall - but i know at this time in his life it's what is needed. I have tried to talk to him but he doesn't want to and unfortunately my ex is an idiot who thinks this is fun.....so i just wait. His brothers tell me that things will all work out...you love your children so much - and you sacrifice so much for them - and what do we get in return? hopefully like someone else said in a previous post - they have children of their own and realise! I know i did.....my mother used to say to me all the time - just you wait until you have your own kids.....she was right! thanks for all the advice, i will hang in there....this too shall pass