BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Getting back together after being divorced.

Has anyone ever gotten back together with their ex-spouse after being divorced for a number of years? Any success?

We weren't divorced but my ex and I were separated for two years and got back together and no it did not work. Are you thinking of getting back with an ex husband? What has changed?

We've been divorced for close to 5 years and we're considering it. I have asked myself that question over and over again. I think it's that we never really let each other go, even when we've been in other relationships, even though at the moment we're still living 400 miles apart, good gosh...just typing this makes me sound crazy. I guess I need to give it a little more thought...It could be just a comfort level thing. What do you think?
Why didn't it work for you?

I can see good and bad.

It could easily be the comfort that you both are missing. It is very easy when you are lonely to forget the bad times and just remember the good times. Especially around this time of year when family is gathering (tonight in particular!)

On the other hand - if you can look back at what went wrong with a clear eye, and both of you really take ownership for the part that each of you played in the ending of your marriage the first time - then that gives you a very realistic start for a future together. The "hindsight is 20/20" is actually a good thing, because you know what didn't work the first time.

But both of you have to be prepared to be brutally honest about yourselves in order for that to happen. Not many people can do that and live with each other. I mean, I can look back and see all the mistakes I made in my first marriage - but I don't know if I could make it work with him even then. I would always have guilt, and being with him would actually be a reminder of the mistakes that both he AND I made.

My ex and I did not work because fundamentally nothing had changed about why we were apart to start with. He wanted what he wanted and I wanted what I wanted, and the two would not meet in the middle. There was nothing that could be done. We only really got back together because of the kids anyway. That is never really a good enough reason.

The way I see it there is only one good reason to be with anyone and that is because you really love each other and want to be together.

I was separated and had started divorce proceedings. In Canada you have to live separate and apart for 1 year before your divorce is granted. I left because he was having an affair. After i left he moved her in.....we had children so we saw each other frequently when he would pick the kids up or drop them off. I was going through an awakening at that time - i lost weight - i started exercising more - taking better care of myself (for 10 years i focused on the kids and him) - when i started doing that - it was like he 'noticed' me. I was no longer his 'wife' - i was another woman he was attracted to.

One time - shortly after our separation - he came over to drop off the boys - we were intimate - and while we were intimate - his pager went off....afterwards he said he felt guilty - like he was cheating on her....i didn't. He felt 'comfortable'. I felt i had him before her......

At some point he wanted to get back together and there was a family function that i was invited to.....and the kids of course. Really i think i was invited because of the kids. I went - and he showed up with her.....then found me later and said he couldn't leave without her because she knew i would be there. He told me he loved me - and needed me - and that we should stop the divorce -and start over.

It was at that moment - precisely when i saw him for him - the REAL reason we split up - he hadn't changed - nor did he want to - he would do the same things to 'her' as he had done to me. He wasn't interested in 'me' he was interested in the sex (something we didn't seem to ever have a problem with) - so i left the gathering and went home. I called my bestest friend and told her what happened (who had been telling me all along NOT to be intimate with him and move on).....i told her to hit me if i ever mentioned his name again in that manner......

He of course tried harder - because he didn't 'have' me anymore - so it was a game to him. I finally went to 'her' and told her what was going on - that i didn't love him anymore (that was huge!) and i wanted him to stop bothering me. 2 months later our divorce became final. He called me crying saying how much he missed me and wanted me back. I simply said - too late. You had your chance - and you screwed up.

I just knew in my heart that it wouldn't work. I had changed and he hadn't. I still say to this day that everything happens for a reason - i didn't date at all (my kids were young) and i didn't want them to go through the 'relationship' thing. I concentrated on work and family - and shortly after - i met my now husband (we've been together for 8 years-married for 5). I believe he came into my life at the right time. He is sweet and sincere - and loving - and kind. (nothing like my ex). He has shown me how i should've been treated all those years ago - and now i don't know any better.

My ex HATES my husband and takes every opportunity to make snide comments to him - like - she doesn't really love you like she loved me - she's great in bed - stuff like that. Eventually my husband has learned that tuning him out - ignoring him - is the best thing. My ex is not happy with his life - and therefore believes i should not be either.

Leaving him - and not going back was a turning point in my life. It was hard work - but it was worth it!

Good for you!I am glad you are finally happy!

Wow your stories are great. I'm going through a hard time and needed to hear some other perspective!