BellaOnline Forums Education Gifted Education moving this to a new thread-Carla's problem

Hello, so glad to have found this forum. I hope I find lots of good ideas here. My son just started Kindergarten, and they are teaching letters and basic sight words he's been reading since he was 3 and a half. They don't advance grade, they don't place him in advanced program part of the day, nothing...I will probably post this separately as I need ideas on what to do.
Carla

Hi Carla, and welcome to the board. Your problem is sadly not so uncommon- many schools are not prepared to give challenging work to those who are past the standard curriculum. I suggest that you read up on parent advocacy and the laws in your state. Here are some great sites to get you started:

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Have you considered homeschooling?

welcome!!

Carla,

I think that many of us have been in your shoes, so please feel free to ask questions and vent. I have an 11 1/2 year old son whose disappointment with school came out in full force when he was a few months into Kindergarten. My 6 1/2 year old had similar issues in K...but was so different than his older brother that my solutions were far from perfect.

I would say that the biggest MISTAKE my DH and I made in my elder son's K year was sitting back and allowing the school to ignore his needs. We were old school and felt that it was not surprising that he was boredbut that he would "get to the good stuff" in 1st grade. Our expectations were low and we let the school off the hook for too long. I volunteered for hours and hours each week, was well-known in the school due to my great attitude, and knew exactly what was going on in the classroom. We were too nice in some ways.We also felt that the school was just interested in pre-reading skills and socialization in K so we waited until the second semester to get to the business of principal meetings, etc, because we were focused on his placement in 1st grade. But my son was so sad. He was very social, so mostly played in school. He never got into any trouble...he was the perfect boy that you could ignore.

When we asked for some specific placement considerations for 1st grade the K teacher was very upset and started acting as if DS had social or developmental issues. My DH had come to the meeting and I vowed that day never to do a school meeting alone so we are always able to compare notes and tag team. We came with work samples from home and school and I think we overwhelmed them a bit, but the principal "got it". Unfortunately, the teachers decide on placement at that school and the K teacher went against our wishes for a structured, challenging classroom teacher and DS actually was placed in the less structured and "resistant to appropriate work" teacher. We eventually took him out of that school (our local elementary) and I was very sad that the principal told me that I was doing the right thing because his school did not have plans or resources for kids like DS. I still feel that what he needed would not have taken any more resources than flexibility and caring.

Keep a folder of your DS's work. Focus on his happiness and what HE needs. Don't let others undermine your confidence in how you parent or your knowledge of your child. Keep your eye on these goals and use resources such as www.hoagiesgifted.org and SENG to educate yourself on advocacy. If you have a state or local gifted advocacy group, attend a few meetings and network so you know your rights, key contacts, and the roads that have already been laid.

Good luck.

Mary Beth

Mary Beth--So glad you mentioned the issue of happiness. The importance of this issue is so easy to underestimate. We really overlooked it for too long with our eldest child. It's so easy to miss the fact that a child's perspective on time is vastly different from that of an adult. Any time period you can pick will seem longer to a child, even a teenager, because it represents a bigger percentage of his/her life. For a child who is miserable in school, it must seem like they're miserable for a HUGE percentage of life. They don't have the advantage of retrospection--can't look back on a lifetime that makes school look short.

I remember asking my oldest why she could not just look at her time spent in school as temporary and something that would pass--sort of like I did in certain 3-day continuing education seminars. I'm sure that seemed impossible to her--from her vantage point. Ultimately, we opted for homeschooling, and she blossomed--went on to graduate from college. For us, homeschooling was a perfect way to tailor our child's education to that child. (I know it's not for everyone. I did have to quit my career--haven't missed it, though! )

Regarding the issue of "socialization" as is occurs in schools, that one drives me crazy. The socialization one receives in school is far from natural, so, in my opinion, homeschooled kids are not really missing anything without school socialization. Most homeschooled kids accompany their parents in such a variety of settings that they learn to conduct themselves with all ages and in many settings. It's like my husband says, "What did you ever learn from your school peers that you would have been proud to share with your parents?"

Anyway, a child's happiness, as you so rightly point out, is not to be overlooked. Thanks for such a good post.

if you're sure that the environment doesn't give your child what they need and the teacher won't work with you on work that suits your child, or on advancement, go over their head - politely, of course. whomever you seek out (curriculum coordinator for the district, principal, more senior teachers...) to help you remedy this, remember to tell them right up front that you aren't questioning that the teacher is a great teacher and that you aren't looking for special treatment. you just want what's best for your child and to help them do their best at that school. they don't know your kid, or their capabilities, like you do and may treat you like an uppity snob unless you kiss a little tuchus before you humbly fight like a pitbull with school officials.

that got mine (in a district that doesn't skip) a 2 grade skip after they observed him in that classroom for one week. after the observation week, every possibly-involved school official within 20 miles met with me to discuss the possibilities. after they found out he was gifted and qualified them for additional funding (considered "special needs"), they were willing to work with us.

no, homeschooling is NOT for everyone, but it's great for my sons. we have a profoundly gifted, hyperactive boy. when you mix pg and adhd, there's nothing in a reg. classroom that is going to hold their attention! boredom and a resourceful mind do not add up to happy parent-teacher meetings, even if you are blessed with a wonderful teacher. homeschooling does let your child explore things at their intellectual level. if you are stay-at-home, or have a schedule that works for it, it may be something to look into. it had never occurred to me as an option until i was grasping at straws when we attempted the local school system. we're halfway through our second year now. even if i wanted to send him back, he has told me that there's no way he ever wants to go to "school" again.

Hi, Zandes. I can so relate to what your son said about not wanting to go back to "school" again. Our younger child asked to be homeschooled after we started with the older one. The younger child was having no school problems--made excellent grades in accelerated classes and had plenty of friends--but still did NOT like "school." Her request was made in mid-seventh grade. We told her to think about it until the end of the school year and get back to us if she still wanted to be homeschooled. I figured she'd forget about it. Just like clockwork, without our bringing up the subject, she asked to be homeschooled at the end of the year. We agreed, and she did fine. She's now in college and doing very well.

I think there's something limiting about restricting kids to certain subjects and to certain lengths of time in those subjects that just is not conducive to learning for some of them. Both our kids say they'll definitely homeschool their children. I think that says a lot.