BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids So hard to get sterilised??

I've recently started looking into the prospect of being sterilised. Hubby and I are avidly child-free, and at the age of 30, and having been on the contraceptive pill for 14 years, it seemed like a good plan. Hubby is a bit of a wuss, the last minor surgery he had he passed out when I removed the dressing, so though a larger op it seemed better that I get it done. Also he's only 25 so we figured it'd be hard for him to have it done.

To begin with it took me 20 minutes to convince my GP to refer me. It might sound a long time, but he's catholic, yet a reasonable man so he just had to talk it out with me. He explained that I'd face a problem being child-free and only 30 and that my hubby would have to come with me to sign off on it. I wasn't too phased by this, and got the referral.

We headed to the hospital, where we were told the gynecologist would be away until January, and even then he's "triage" my referral and decide if he'd see me at all.

I'm getting a little frustrated by this point, so call a private clinic.... it turns out they don't do sterilisation. A few minutes later I had a brainwave and got my husband to call.

The response he received was very different... oh yes sir, we can make an appointment, any tuesday, it's $345..... my hubby asked if there were any age problems..... oh no sir, any age is fine.

OK, so now I'm [censored]. A guy can decide at any age not to have kids, but a woman has to be older, is supposed to have some already and will need her husbands permission?? *IF* she even gets as far as speaking to someone.

Fair enough, I know the op is more complicated, but surely in this day and age it should be equally as accessible to women as men.

Cue me visiting another private gynecologist.... if this doesn't work out, I'm seriously considering seeking legal advice.

I have been appalled by the many stories I have read in this forum about women having difficulty getting sterilized. I want to share my experiences just in case any of it is helpful to anyone.

I will only go to gynecologists who are women. Aside from the "ick factor" of having some random man probe me, I have always felt that a woman would be more sympathetic to my needs and wishes. Maybe I have just been lucky, but my gynecologists have always seemed to be strong, independent women with whom I could identify, and who would listen to me.

At the age of 23 when I mentioned sterilization to my first gynecologist, she turned me down flat. BUT, she did say that it was because she had only just met me and I sounded uncertain. She added that if she had been seeing me since I was 18 and I had been pursuing sterilization since then, it would be a different story. I do think she had a point; being young and insecure, I know I sounded hesitant, and she didn't know me well enough to be sure of my intentions.

For a few years after that, I moved around, so I was changing doctors and was in-and-out of health insurance plans. Elective surgery wasn't practical at that time. Besides, I kept hearing this magic number of "30 years" from people... that was supposedly the age when women started changing their minds about having children. Fine, I could wait.

So at 30, I spoke with my gynecologist about tubal ligation. She listened intently and was supportive. Being a nurse practitioner, she could not perform surgery herself, so she immediately referred me to an M.D.

I brought my husband with me to the M.D.'s office just in case (in case of what? I wasn't sure -- I just thought it might be a good idea to have him there!). The M.D. spoke with me alone for a while, talking about where I was in my life, what my beliefs about family were, risks of surgery, etc. I really think she was trying to get to know me, to make sure this was something that fit with my life, to make sure I was serious, to make sure I wasn't being pressured, etc. When she said, "I wish your husband were here so that we could talk to him too," I replied, "He's in the waiting room -- I'll get him!" He joined us, and she spoke with him about a vasectomy because it is much less invasive than a tubal ligation, and he expressed his willingness to have a vasectomy... but that I had been insistent that this was about my body (God forbid I should ever be raped, for example, and then my husband's vasectomy wouldn't do me any good).

The M.D. was pleased with how well we were able to articulate our plans for our lives and with how supportive we were of each other. She would do the surgery, but she wanted me to wait three months to sort of think on it. That was no problem for me. Because this was elective surgery, I imagined that I might have to wait for an operation anyway, and I had scheduled my office visit accordingly.

Three months later I had a smooth surgery and have been thrilled with the results. Now at 34 years old, not a day goes by when I don't give myself a little smile and a sigh of relief over it. I have felt so free, so happy with my decision.

To those of you who are still trying to get the surgery, I wish you the best of luck! Keep up the good fight!

I first mentioned to my doc last year (at 27) that I was considering sterilization, and she, too, threw the magic 30 at me. I said that it wouldn't happen. And she agreed that it may not, but that she'd seen it happen too many times where someone changed their mind in their 30s. So whereas she was reluctant, she didn't flat-out deny me.

When I was there again on Monday, I saw a nurse practitioner. I asked her about the Essure procedure, and she actually said that they'd seen several women get pregnant after having the procedure, even though most of those resulted in miscarriage. But there was no mention of my age, or of my husband's age when I told her he was thinking of getting a vasectomy. She was VERY supportive. I was happy she told me about the problems with Essure because it was obvious that she wanted me to realize there was still a possibility of getting pregnant, which I clearly am wanting to avoid! There were absolutely no questions of how many kids I wanted, etc. (maybe the doc wrote it in the file last year), which was a great relief. She did mention that Essure was for when a patient is "all done having kids", but that was the only time the "K" word came up.

At any rate, I'm staying on the pill for now. I may switch to an IUD depending on some information I'm looking for as far as family medical history goes. But hubby's still going to try to get snipped after the first of the year.

Hi all -- just wanted to share my sterilization fight in the hopes that it might be helpful.

Like a lot of women on this forum, I've always known I was going to be childfree. So for me, birth control of one sort or another was always going to be in the picture as long as I was in a relationship with a male.

When I was 26 and a grad student at a university in New York state, I decided that I'd had my fill of paying 30$ a month for birth control and that I was tired of taking hormones every month to prevent pregnancy. The insurance plan I carried fully covered sterilization for both men and women, so I seized on the opportunity to save some money and permanently prevent pregnancy.

When I raised the issue with my female GYN, she balked. I wasn't *old* enough to make that decision, she argued. How could I be sure I didn't want kids? I gave her a long list of reasons, but she still hesitated. I wasn't married at the time, so of course this was used against me. (FYI, I was in a monogamous relationship with a male, and years later, we're still together. Better than most marriages, I'd say! Not that this should matter. If were a lesbian, I should still be able to get sterilized if I wanted it!).

No matter what I said, the GYN just put me off. I could tell that she was very uncomfortable with my request.

A week passed while I decided what I was going to do. I wasn't going to take no for an answer, and I let all my feminist rage build inside me while I concocted an alternative plan. The first thing I did was call my GYN's office and request a copy of my records. This is a not-so-subtle signal to them that I intended to change practices.

Then I contacted the local Planned Parenthood [see bottom of post for more info] and asked for a referral to a GYN in the area who performs surgical procedures. I reasoned that someone linked up with Planned Parenthood would be less likely to hassle me about NOT having kids.

I was right about the Planned Parenthood referral. This doctor, a male, didn't give me a hard time at all.

BUT, I didn't end up doing the procedure with him. Why? Well, when my female GYN found out that I'd requested my records, she called me and asked me why. When I told her that I intended to go to another doctor, she said that she would do the procedure. I guess my decision to go somewhere else convinced her that I was serious.

So, at 26 I had a bilateral tubal ligation. I am now in my mid-30s, and I have NEVER regretted it. Not for one second.

My suggestion: don't take no for an answer. Go in armed with a detailed list of why you want what you want. If you can't find satisfaction, call the nearest Planned Parenthood and see if they can help you. Whatever you do, don't give up. It is possible to get the health care that you are seeking. It helps, too, if your GYN is not an OB. I live in a different part of the country now, and I get my plumbing cared for my a doctor who's not in the baby delivering business. It does seem to make a difference.

GOOD LUCK with your quest. Keep you chin up, and don't let them get you down.

[Edited to add: I referred in my post of "Planned Parenthood" before I realized that the original poster is not from the U.S. Planned Parenthood is a not-for-profit organization that attends to the reproductive health of both men and women in the U.S. Among other things, they offer low-cost birth control, annual exams, abortion services, etc. I don't know if there are equivalent organizations outside of the U.S. -- your health care might be more integrated than the mess we have here.]

I remember my doctor also wanted me to wait until I hit the 'magic 30' before he did my tubal (hubby was too much of a wuss as well). I had asked him at every visit for five years, and he told me finally I just wore him down It was super easy - done by laparoscopy (sp?) so just a day procedure.

Funny, 15 years later I had to have a hysterectomy! (one week ago, from which I'm recovering very well and NO MORE PERIODS! YAAAA HOOOOOO!!!!!!!_)

Keep at it! The tubal was one of the best things I ever did. In fact, whenever my husband and I are exposed to unruly children (like yesterday at a nice restaurant where they're climbing all over the booths - DON'T get me started...) I used to smile and hum my little "I love my tubal" song, which always made us grin in sheer relief!

Karen

Well I have been trying to get fixed since I was 18. First off I am a uncontroled diebetic obese and have asthma! My hormones are so out of wack it causes my insulin to be hayweird and I also have low thyriod . Not to mention every Dr i have been to tells me I should not get prego. Plus I am alrigic to latax spermicides and metal and BCPills make me so sick I cant take them either... this blockes out every form a birth control know to man save going with out! :(( I am married to a man that is almost 50 and I am 30 so you would think they would encourage me to get fixed right? WRONG!!!!!!! OH SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WRONG!!! I have to have two kids and be 35-40 and my husband has to approve. Just how in the hell am I supost to get 2 kids when I should not get prego? Build a nest and HATCH them like birds? I have been to at lest one gyno every year since I was 18 mind you I have changed dr every time they give me the same bs What I pisses me off is the fact that Womens medical care is so assbackwards! The only thing that the specialist or drs ever tell me is I have a Hormone imbalance and not to worry I would be able to have childern one day but not not to get preg. now because of my health! WTF??????????????? this is after the looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggg talk about I NEVER WANT ANY KIDS AT ALL PERIOD END OF STORY!!!
and When I say it the WHOLE building Understands completely how I feel about kids and having kids and why.....just not the DR idot standing between me and worry free life! :(( every month I have to go get a pt and check because I dont have normal periods so I never know when and if I am ovulating or when and if I will have a period.

now if I was wanting to GET pregant they would be more then happy to tellme what hormones are wacked and how to fix them but appearently its not impornt enough just because my bs runs any where between 35 and 555!!! or that I gain on average 10 pounds a month or more when I dont have a period!

Anyone else get the impression a womans health is not important if she is not trying to get prego or preg?

of course I could go out and get an abortion but insurants wont pay and finding a Dr to do one is almost as hard to find as a dr that will fix me! and YES I am PRO CHOICE just because It is a womans body and SHE and SHE allone should be able to have a say over her own body! and As much child abuse and baby's for goverment money checks and as hard as it is to get FIXED...I think it is the first step in better health care for women!

Mystic Sophia---what country do you live in? I am in the US and I told them when I was 32 that I had health issues and did not ever want to have children because of it and they said fine and I had a tubal ligation. I was not married at the time, nor sexually active. I just wanted to make the decision when it was still mine alone to make.

Ravyn

I live in the USA. My Friend went to the dr to get her tubes tied and they told My friend she had ovarian Cancer and her dr wanted her to get preg have the baby and then have a total Historictomy and start chemo! now you would think the FIRST pryority would be her health but no she told the dr that she didnt want kids and that she wanted to start treatment He told her he would not do the surgury until she had at lest one child. She changed drs and got they redid the test and found no cancer at all. the Dr Just wanted to scar her into getting pregent inorder to get the health care she needed for the cancer she didnt have! In What World would a dr think he could get away with that? I told her she should sue for malpractice and go after his MD but she doesnt have that kind of money and now she wishes she had had Cancer sothey would do a historectomy because she still cant get her tubes tied!
I find it very sad how Women cant have control over there own bodies. How is this any differnt then Rape? in both cases you are helpless and out of control of what happens to your own body. I think My friends Dr should be in woman prison and make it know publicly what he did and why and let the women take care of him!!!

Yes that is ridiculous. You should be able choose what you want to do. I cant believe a man can do this at anytime so why cant a women. Someone else has control over what you do with your body?!?!?! That is rediculous. I was just speaking with my girlfriends about this and she said they only offer you this at a certain age or after youve had one child. Unbelievable!