BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids *sigh* please, just be quiet!

I know that this subject is talked about a lot on this forum, but I just have to vent to some like-minded people.

My cousin and his new wife just came and stayed with us for the weekend. This was the first time I met her, so I was looking forward to the visit. She seemed nice enough I suppose. But you know when people talk soo much you end up zoning out and staring at them blankly wondering, "Don't you need a bathroom break or something?" Well, that was me the entire weekend. I had to refocus my brain this morning and try to get it back to normal.

That is bad enough, but what she talked about the most was her kids. I don't mind listening to people talk about their kids, to a certain point. Sometimes they have really funny or interesting stories, but my fiance and I got their life story in the span of a couple days. She is a 40 year old woman, you would think she would have more to talk about!

What is even worse is that she would look mainly at me the whole time she would talk. There was no escape from her gaze or stories! My fiance would get to go poke at the fire, go to the bathroom, step outside for a smoke. And I, forever trying not to be rude, felt like I just had to sit there and listen. And listen, and listen. I wanted to take a nap or read a book or something to pass the time while she was talking.

Every time we would try to change the subject and talk about something else, she had a story about her kids that some how tied into that subject. I woke up this morning thinking "Yay! They are leaving today!" I was sad to see my cousin go though. He doesn't have kids of his own, so I hope he is adjusting to hers ok. She has 4 total and she was bragging about them quite a bit. But from her stories, I don't think I would be bragging about them that much.

So, I am glad for our decision to be child-free, and know that we won't be one of those that beat our kids' stories over the heads of other people.

I know what you mean. My husband's step-sisters both had their first kids within a couple months of each other. So the weekend spent together was my in-laws, the four new parents with kids, my husband and I. Okay - I get it - they're new parents and grandparents. But the entire time was spent talking in baby voice. WTF? Even when they were talking to each other, mostly it was about the baby, and it was in that crazy baby voice. We almost went insane. But my husband definitely got to leave more than I did and it was more accepted that he wasn't into it. Me - I walk in and within 10 seconds they shove a baby in my arms. I'm not anti-kids, but they didn't do it to my husband! And what am I supposed to do at that point - say I don't want to hold them? Sigh....I'm with you, I'm so glad for our decision to be childfree!

Having more than one new parent in one house is the worst! Just after we moved here (NC) we went to visit some friends who were visiting a friend in Atlanta (did that come out right?). Anyway, both the couples had their first babies a few months before. And it was just like you said...baby voices all weekend, baby this, baby that, you should have one, it will really change your life. The guys were in the garage or outside talking about cars and tools, and the woman were in the kitchen talking about the babies. Bleck. Both are boring to me but I went outside because I was more interested in hearing about tools and cars more than babies and changing diapers (sp?).

Hi,

I'm hardly child-free - in fact I have a one-year-old - but I am in entire sympathy with you. I had my baby at 40, and it's very weird for me to be so immersed in Junior - living, eating, breathing the kid - when before he came into existence, not so much. And I'm the worst of the lot when I'm talking to people. I don't do the baby voice, but I'm definitely all like, "My baby blinked. That's right, he BLINKED, and boy, was it CUTE. Can you imagine how cute his blinking was? G'wan, try!"

Because we're drowning in babyness here, we don't get to see the other side. The side that says, "Thank heavens they're gone." But I'm sure it exists. I was on that side, once.

I have two bits of advice, based on being on both sides of the fence. 1) WHENEVER new parents threaten to approach, try to immediately set up an escape plan with your cohorts, and 2) If you get caught, give the proud parent a wide-eyed, I'm-going-crazy-here-and-will-scream-if-I-hear-one-more-kidecdote smile. Most parents, if they have any sensitivity at all, will have SOME self-consciousness about their compulsion to talk about their kids and realize what they're doing and laugh. If they don't, then I firmly believe you have every right to grab that book on the coffee table and thumb through it while you're "listening"...

Karen
Nerd Writer Mom

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one time I asked a friend who recently had a baby "what did you talk about before you had a baby?" she got the point and the conversations were more manageable (and two-sided) after that.

That one is actually a very good idea! That way you can get onto neutral ground on a topic that you are both interested in.

Because one reason parents (new Moms especially) talk about their kids so much, is that they don't have a lot of time for "current events". I know the majority of my time leisure time is spent going to my kids sporting events (admittedly- I think high school football is wayyyy better than pro - the kids actually care about the game as opposed to the salary). But my point is, I don't have as much time and money to do the things I would like to because parenthood does mean I sacrifice my "me" stuff. So it means I don't have the same amount of diversity to choose from.

Now, open up the conversation to general interests as opposed to what is happening at this moment - and yea! I get adult conversation and I love it.

That is a good idea!

I can understand about moms not having the time for a lot of things. Especially new moms, and wanting to talk about their new babies. Whenever I get something new and cool, I want to talk about it too! As long as I can have some way to escape for a few minutes or be able to change the subject. (which didn't seem possible in the case of my original post!)

We are moving back to Colorado this spring, and I am really hoping to be able to meet a friend or 2 that are childfree. I think One of our friends is left that doesn't have kids.

It is nice sometimes to hear different suggestions on things to say and how to deal better with subjects like these. Because, as I said, my fiance and I are the only ones who don't want kids. And if we want to keep our friendships then We are the ones that need to learn how to deal with it.

That is the story of my life!!! Nothing could of prepared me for this part of being married! Before marriage, hanging out with friends was guys and girls mixed. Some inside, some outside, I always had a blast. Now I'm married, and what the heck happened!?! The women always end up in the kitchen, talking about pregnancy and/or children, while the men are drinking beer on the deck talking about football. I waould prefer to hang out with the guys, but how is this accomplished? What is wrong with me?

I don't know why that happens! I guess it just isn't a "guy" thing to sit around and talk about babies, so it's an automatic thing to separate into guys and girls.

I would guess there isn't anything wrong with you! It is hard to figure out which conversation you would rather be in, babies or sports? Pretty sad that those are the only choices sometimes! I would rather hang out with the guys as well. Most of the time (in both cases) I kind of just stand there and wait for the conversation to turn to something I have interest in too.

I have no problem with telling people I am not interested in hearing kid-stories, or that I've reached my limit on the subject. I figure it's a kindness to them to not just let them blather on and bore me, unbeknownst to them. 8)

I say it kinder than that though.