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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 24
J
Newbie
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J
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 24
it's great responsbilities.

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Joined: Jul 2008
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A
Gecko
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A
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Even things like "where will we send Thanksgiving" and other holidays can be greatly "de-stressed" if you plan those things out ahead of time.

My husband and I went through a book called "Preparing for Marriage" with a mentor couple and it was REALLY helpful.

Angela <><


Angela England
Joined: Dec 2008
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Gecko
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Hello all! Good list. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that feelings won't change over time, just as Violette and Karen mentioned.

We evolve as individuals. What we want yesterday may not be what we want today or tomorrow. I know a woman who insisted she did not want children only to surprise both her husband and herself when her biological clock started ringing.

A male friend entered his marriage perfectly accepting of his in-laws only to find over time that their habits and personalities grated on his nerves.

People want so desperately to ensure marital success that they attempt to come to agreements on every little thing before they walk down the aisle. One couple wrote into their prenuptial agreement how often they would have sex (at least three times a week. Non-negotiable. More if both parties agree.)

Whatever works, I suppose. But the one thing people have forgotten is Love. How much do you love this person?

In my experience, the best contracts can force parties to comply to your demands, wishes and agreements...but Love makes them want to.

We, and more couples out there than you know, make marriage work because we love each other more than we love ourselves. In that state, anything can be overcome.

The list makes sure that there are commonalities so there are fewer areas of disagreements. That's good. Just don't forget to ask: How much do I love you?

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 70
Amoeba
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Amoeba
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 70
An additional question:

Will you be supportive of my hopes and dreams (i think someone said that already)-also - if either of us should become ill - what are your thoughts about caring for the other person. If either of our parents become ill - will you be supportive if they have to come and live with us? IF our marriage fails and there are children - are we willing to get a mediator to ensure the children's safety and be able to have a relationship with BOTH parents equally - without hurtful words or expressions.

Everyone's IDEA of marriage is soooo different - UNTIL you say I DO. Even if you discuss all these points - there is ultimately things that happen in your marriage that surprises you -the reaction you get.

My husband found out he had sleep apnea last year. He has to be on a breathing apparatus at night -a CPAP machine. I sleep pretty soundly - and i really thought i was being supportive. It was scary at first because he had really high blood pressure (45) and i was concerned - until they discovered he had sleep apnea.....the machine DROVE me insane for the first few months - and then my husband told me that he was really hurt that i wasn't more caring towards him and his machine. I had to really look at how i was speaking to him....now it's fine - we joke about it - and if his machine bothers me at all - i quietly get out of bed....of course if we have an argument - the things that bother you the most - always come up in the argument!

I had to learn to be more understanding - and more caring. I found that i really couldn't handle him being sick - i got angry - but really - i was scared. Once i got over that - we were able to discuss the REAL issue - the thought of losing him at all.

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