BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Support Issues

Hi everyone - i am new to the boards (a couple of weeks). I have an issue with support and sharing information. If anyone else has any advice -i would appreciate it - i am from Ontario, Canada.

To start off with - i have been divorced since 2001. I have 2 children who are now 18 and 15. When i got divorced - because we hadn't figured out the amount of support - the judge ordered us to make up a PARENTING AGREEMENT that would be included in the divorce judgement. In this agreement - it sets out all the issues - Higher Education - medical/dental coverage - extraordinary expenses (tudoring/sports expenses etc). I went to a legal aid person to help me draw this contract up - which had to be signed by both of us. It was entered and filed at that time with our divorce granted.

My ex has never really paid support. On and off and very sporadically he has. He has never had medical/dental insurance - rather i have always covered them under my employment. This year our older son was ready to attend college - when the 1st installment of fees were due (back in August) i paid them - (approx 2300) - with an agreement with our son that he would pay the 2nd installment (1600) which was due this month. My ex - well he finally gave me around $2000 in September towards support and college fees. (at that point he owed me over $4000 in arrears) - so i just applied it to that....he is now saying that he GETS to tell me how the support is spent and on what. That im not allowed to use that money to pay the gas bill etc. Long story short - my older son decided that the rules were too much in our house - and he moved in with his dad - now they're both calling me a bad mother- and how could i not pay for his fees.

Here's where i have the issue. My son left because he couldn't come home on curfew (with my truck) of which he hadn't paid his portion of insurance for 2 mths. He left me with a phone that has 2 years left on the contract $400 - and owed me monies around $200 that he SAID he would pay me back. He also promised that the money he made from his summer job he would save for school. That didn't happen at all.

Now i'm being made to feel guilty to sticking to my guns. My ex sees our younger son all the time - i have never stopped the contact and i never would. But my younger one came home last night and started questioning me about how i was spending the support etc...first of all - this is an issue between his father and i - then his father said - what kind of a mother doesn't take care of her children.

I know my younger one is confused and upset. He has his father and his girlfriend saying all sorts - and then he comes home and is upset. I don't know the answers anymore. I know that i won't let my ex dictate to me.

The only solution i have is to file the parenting agreement with the court office - so they can send it to FRO (Family Responsibility Office) who will enforce the payments - something i should've done a long time ago!

It's so hurtful that he would say these things to our kids - he was abusive when i was married to him - and the woman he left me for 10 years ago - charged him with assault - he has since lost his license to DUI. I have always been there for my kids - but now because of my ex- they are saying things that are adult issues and im not sure how to handle it! HELP

I think you should file with the court. Then, when you win, maybe everyone will see that you are in the right?

Whatever you do resist the urge to discuss this with the kids. Just go through the court, and just try to stop feeling guilty. You do what you know is right and let it go.

Thank you for your advice. I did file the paperwork -and now it's a waiting game. I refuse to stoop to his level - and i have tried and been successful at saying to my son i won't. He knows this now. I guess my ex thought i would call him and yell at him (about 8 years ago i would've) but i have learned that doing that only makes things worse - and makes me feel like [censored] - and it makes everything awful. I don't anymore - which makes him angrier - but oh well. I know that in the end - the kids will know what i DIDN'T do - and i kept my integrity......it's just sad they have to be subjected to this.....