BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Total strangers' assumptions (kinda long)

I'm so glad I found this forum. I can totally relate to feeling frustrated by this. My husband and I are constantly bothered by kids in public and we never say anything, but it's just those type of responses like "wait til you have one" that makes me want to rant.

I went out with a girlfriend, "A", who had a couple other girlfriends go with us recently. I was telling "A" about my choice to go sterile and how happy it was making us to not have to worry about birth control ever again and being drug-free. "A" is totally cool with it but her friend was mortified. She asked, "and just how do you KNOW you don't want kids?". I was offended but kept my cool and explained our general reasons to which she still was so snotty and couldn't believe we didn't want them. I finally said, "how do YOU know that you WANT kids?". And of course she couldn't answer. I said - well, at least I know why I'm making my choice. That at least stopped the conversation. I tried to be civil but she was just so rude.

A sort of funny one though was my husband's uncle - his family is really cool about us being childfree but his uncle is just a non-stop teaser. He was pretty incredulous about us not having kids and said, "Don't you want a little {husband's name} running around?". I said - I already have a big one; what do I need a little one for?

I never wanted to have children and I always had to live with those comments, often from strangers. My favorite: I say:
"I can't stand children", answer "you will change your mind when you have one". Isn't that awful? Shouldn't I change my mind BEFORE?
As I wrote somewhere else (in "pregnancy freaks me out") I had a child though. And it has not been the best thing that ever happened to me at all, as it was supposed to be and I suffer horribly from incomprehension, guilt, disappointement in myself... Well, nobody will believe me. "Come on, admit it is great" I had to hear once. Or even worst, everybody takes soo for granted that I have changed and that I am such a "real" mother, that I should keep having children!!! So my admiration to all those women who never let themselves forced into motherhood and who were so lucky to find someone who shared their views.

Solalux, I admire the fact that you can admit that motherhood wasn't the best thing that can happen to a person. I'm sure that takes a lot of strength.

Most parents develop a "mute" button to kids' screaming. I've seen it in action that they truly don't hear the caterwauling until it's brought to their attention. Then it's a startled look and "huh! wha?" If you point out that their brats need to drop the decibel level, they'll get defensive and growl "what, they're just kids! all kids are noisy. I guess you don't remember being a kid." To which I would reply, "yes, I do remember being a kid. I also remember my parents three strikes rule: one - the look of death, two - a *shush*, three - I get slapped into the next county."

I seriously cannot stand loud noises. Too much and I totally freak out and have to be restrained from grabbing whatever is making the noise and slamming it against the nearest wall. That's been one of my comments to those who insist I would love being a mother once I had one of my own. I learned to utter the threat in such a dire, deadly tone that it usually shut people up.

Dh and I have adopted a lifestyle that is bearable for me. We live on 5 acres in the country, work third shift, always do our shopping at night or early in the morning on weekdays when stores open and parents are just then getting their kids herded into the formation to be taken out. If we plan vacations at family friendly spots we always do them during the off-season, though I've noticed that parents nowadays don't regard school schedules as an impediment. We did an Orlando vacation in the middle of January, during the week, and found the place infested with children. I remarked to Dh "wtf are all these kids doing here? why aren't they in school?"