BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Accidentally (maybe) bingoed at work!

I was talking to my husband on my cell phone in the breakroom at work today when a coworker from a different department walked through. We're OK friends, and I told her that I was in the middle of sending her an email. She asked if it was good or bad, and I said that it was not work-related, so it was good in that respect (the e-mail was about a movie I thought she was going to see). She looked at and mouthed "Are you pregnant?" and mimed a big belly with her hand! WTF? Why do people automatically think that??? Grrr. I said, "'Carrie', how can you say that? I thought you were one of the good guys!"

When I got back to my desk, I was telling another coworker, "Brenda" (a little bit closer friend who also knows Carrie) what had just happened. She said that she thought maybe Carrie didn't know what I thought about the whole "having babies" issue. Could be, but I thought she did know. It's not like I keep it a secret. BUT, Brenda sent Carrie the following e-mail:


What happened to [Sister Dino] in the break room Wednesday afternoon? She came back crying, very upset and said something about Carrie said something but I couldn't make it out because she was sobbing so much. I didn't want to bring it up again after she calmed down because I didn't want her to cry again. What in the world is going on?

Thought it was cool of her to come to my rescue like that. At first I felt bad because I didn't want Carrie to feel too bad, but then I though, you know what? People should see how it feels and that they can make others just as uncomfortable with their bingoing.

What is it with people and the pregnancy assumption? I just had a conversation with a friend yesterday and said I had something to tell him, but I'd wait till I saw him because it was too funny (I'm heading that way for a visit in a few weeks.) He immediately became suspicious and asked if I was pregnant.

I mean really people! Aren't there a million other things it could be? I got a job promotion, I'm going on a trip to Cuba, I won a lottery, my parents moved to Florida...etc.?

I hate those assumptions. Whenever I'm sick, "are you pregnant?" or tired, "maybe you're pregnant?", I'm stressed, "pregnant?" Holy cow! Being 25 and married for five years people ask me if I'm pregnant at least once a month, it seems like. It's really annoying.

Don't feel too bad on this one, ladies.

I'm not CF, but my feelings were hurt horribly when several years ago my boss all of a sudden called me into her office and said, "Michelle, is there something you're not telling me?"

And I was completely stumped - I had no idea what she was talking about.

Then she did her hand over her belly and I realized she thought I was pregnant.

I had lost my great-grandmother several months before, and had been terribly depressed about it. When I am depressed I eat - and I had gained about 20 pounds. So I had to sit there in her office and be mortified saying, "No, I'm not pregnant, I've just gained that much weight".

It was like saying, "No, thank you, I'm just fat."

I felt horrible, and she avoided me like the plague for about a month.

Michelle, how awful for you! That's one reason (of many) that I never ask a woman if she's pregnant!

Also, I learned at a very young age not to ask such questions. When I was about 6 years old, I had a babysitter (probably about 12-14 years old) whose mother had a rather round belly, shaped very much like a pregnant belly. I knew better than to say something to the woman herself, but I whispered to my babysitter, "Is your mom going to have a baby?" The babysitter laughed at me, told her mom what I had asked, and all of the adults in the room then laughed at me. I was so terribly embarrassed that I never asked anyone that question again.

As I grew older, I always wondered how much that innocent question may have hurt the woman's feelings.

Wow, Chelle how horrible for you-and your boss. I've been on both sides of this: I saw an old friend at a wedding and noticed she looked a little big in the stomach area. I didn't say anything to her then. But I looked her up on Facebook, and she had pictures of a baby up, so I told her congratulations and that I thought she was pregnant at the wedding but didn't want to say anything. She wrote back and told me that her baby actually had died six months or so before. I felt SOOO bad! I'd be surprised if she ever talked to me again.

Then, I have been on the end of it when at my sister's wedding, my dress had an empire waist, and I had gained a few pounds and someone thought I was pregnant.

So I'll always keep my mouth shut from now on.

LoveChildFree- you have the excuse of only being 6 years old, that is very understandable.

And Iandysgrl, you made a very concious effort to try and find out about your friend.

I don't think either one of you have anything to feel bad or embarrassed about. The fact that you do just shows how good your hearts are.

Ah, the old Empire Waist. They make everyone look pregnant. I just had a friend who has no belly fat at all get asked how far along she was, wearing an empire waisted dress.

She was like, "do i look fat?" ...really worried. But, no, it was the dress.

She ditched those dresses shortly after.

I see how defensive everyone here is on this topic: That is the problem. You are too defensive.
Why would ANY "normal" person cry at being asked if they were pregnant? Why would you make it an issue so big in your life, that you feel the need to go "tell another co-worker what just happened?" What's the big deal? Why did you MAKE it a big deal?

If they had asked if you were dying, you would have laughed, said "no, of course not! It's just about that movie you were going to see..." etc.. and had another laugh.
So what gives Sister?
If you cannot explain why you reacted in such a way, then I advise a Psychoanylist who can help you find an answer.

I think it has to do with the fact that these women are asked this question all the time, not only by coworkers, but by friends and family, too. And especially family tends to put a lot of pressure on to have children. THAT is where the tears came from.

Everyone has their breaking point, especially when there was a person that they believed was understanding of their position.

It is rather insensitive of you to come into this communtiy (which is stated up front as a support group for people who do not want children) and start saying that the women here need pshoanalysis.