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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6
Newbie
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OP
Newbie
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 6 |
Ok, I dont know whats happening to me. I find myself annoyed, tired, very bored. I went on vacation to visit my mother, figured i needed time to think things through, and time away from my husband. You know the old saying the heart grows founder when away etc. Well anyway, ive come back madder then i was before. Im tired of cleaning, doing everything. Its the same thing everyday. On the weekends, its also the same thing, he sits on the couch and does nothing..or makes a mess, for me to clean. I love my husband and my son, but i feel like i have no time for me. No life. Im always doing everything for everyone. and yes i know its my job as a mother and a wife, but the whole time i was away on vacation for 2 weeks, he kept the house clean, washed all the clothes, cooked, everything there is to do in a household. Now? Nothing, im back so lets sit back and do nothing..eh! its getting boring. I understand he works all week and wants to do nothing on the weekends to...but? there has to be more to life then just working. He works all week, and i clean the house and take care of the baby and allll the other stuff all week long, plus work. I dont know Im just bored...Any advise people? Im going stir crazy over here. 
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 175
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 175 |
HI, First of all you work too. Just because it is not a job outside of the home, it is still hard work. Taking care of a baby, home & everything else is a job. I worked outside of the home & I also was a stay at home working mom. No, It is not your job as a wife & mother to do everything for everybody. Your husband may work alot of hrs. But he can help too. It sounds like you are in a rut.
You need to a make time for yourself. Do something for yourself. Let your husband watch the baby at least once a week so you can just do something for yourself that you like. You also need to go out with your husband without your child. He may be in a rut too. You are annoyed & angry because you keep doing it all for everybody but yourself. We all deserve a break once in awhile. Maybe your husband does not realize this. So, you have to talk to him. I always say this to others. People can't read our minds. I'm not being sarcastic when I say this to you or anyone else.
If you have someone you can trust to watch your baby you & your husband should go out & do something. We can't always just wait around & expect that our spouse or partner will pick up on how we feel. I'm for communication & being honest in a nice way. I know how much work it is to take care of a baby & a home. You need time for yourself. This is why you are feeling resentful. I hope that you talk to your husband about this. If you don't it will just get worse. Good luck. Judy K. Chicago.
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,053
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,053 |
Welcome to being a wifee and motherhood. We are the unpaid assets in our families. Sometimes our families appreciate it and other times they don't or (they just don't say it). Anyway, this is the price for running and keeping a family run well. I know, I know, he should every once in a while pick a few things or do a couple of chores, but some men just don't. My hubbie is the breadwinner but he helps but only SOMETIMES. I think he's afraid of the scrutiny I might give since I am such a neat freak.
Nevertheless, as Silver50 said, you have the hardest job in the world. Being a mommie, a wifee, a friend, a shoulder, a nurse and comforter. All of these qualities of a mothering nature can at times really get to you and this is what is so draining. I used to feel the same as you feel once before when my children were little and I had to take care of the household and work and now, as a stay at home mome, I still do feel unncessary and neglected. But that's not true.
Mothers are the foundation of the families and that can go for a single dad with children too. Its the mothering nature that our families become so dependent on that they unknowingly neglect us in the long run. Hang in there and be what you family needs but also, every once in a while, maybe on the weekends, leave baby with hubbie and YOU go out and get a mani or pedi or even eyebrow wax. Whatever! Do something for you even if that means a cup of coffee at Barnes and Nobles with a magazine sit down for a while.
Point is just get out of the house and away from the family. My escape is in my garden.I go out there and work by myself and enjoy the solitude from the family but solace with nature. Don't give up on your family's neglect. Families seem to do that without thinking. Like a said "dependents".
After a few times of leaving out on the weekends without baby and leaving hubbie behind, he'll either ask you what's up or approach you about why you're doing it and this is when you can say with a smile...I need ME time...Love you Honey.
Let us know how things change over the next couple of weekends. Hope this helps. Bye!
Oh, one more thing. Coming from a neat freak like me, you don't always have to clean your house, just tidy it up. I got this tip from someone and it is so true, I'm passing it on to you.
Families "live" in a house, so slow down on the staging process (making your home picture perfect for magazine) and enjoy your home and set aside specific days to clean. It'll be okay. Take care and happy harvest.
Last edited by Kimmie08; 11/13/08 10:22 AM.
Kimberly C. Cannon, Former Bulb Gardening Editor
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 329
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 329 |
Yes, I agree with the other ladies. I recently got remarried to my ex and we had those kinds of problems before. And we do now, but it's ok. We both realize that human beings are not perfect and we're never going to be. He is a police officer and he works alot and he is the only one here in town, but the good thing is that he is a good man and a great father. And yes, I may do everything around the house and I'm now also homeschooling our 14 year old son, but it's worth it. I appreciate him even more now than before. I just am grateful. I found that joining up with a forum does help. You have so many things you can talk about and participate in. You have support here. Go ahead and lean on us.
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 503
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 503 |
Have you sat down and made a list together of chores ? I am a stay at home Mom, my son is 12, I home school and my husband leaves at 3 in the morning and does not make it home until 5 in the evening so that is alot of hours BUT on the weekends I do not cook Friday and Saturday (leftovers or tv dinners) and we all pitch in to clean the house once a week. Yes I do clean during the week and I cook the other days. I hope this does not sound like my DH is a dog but I had to "train" him to help, yes he too would sit around mainly because he had no idea what exactly to do. Once I gave him a list (start small and work up) he would do it. Now I am not sure if this is the same in everyone else's house but I have to "train" the 12 year old, he will walk by a piece of paper on the floor several times and yes I have to tell him, pick that up. He also now has a list of chores to do. It all helps. Maybe you just need to ask him to help, you never know. Also join whatever you need to join (I have a crafty group that I go to at least once a week, sometimes twice a week) This really helps. I know it can be overwhelming but talking about it together may get results  I know my DH thought that staying home was such a breeze until he had to do it for TWO days and it all changed.
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,053
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,053 |
Same thing in my case Crochetqueen. When I had to go into the hospital for surgery and once I came home, I was down for several weeks and not until that moment, did my family see all that was done when they were at school or in hubbie's case, at work. They were amazed at the hard work it is to be a stay home mom. Everybody hat to pitch in with all the house chores. Once I was back on my feet, they continued to pitch in regularly, but now, its back to the same ole' thing, me reminding everyone to PICK UP YOUR STUFF!!!! It's not so bad all the time because I constantly remind them that I am mommie and wifee but not a maid (unless they want to pay me for my services) 
Last edited by Kimmie08; 11/20/08 01:35 PM.
Kimberly C. Cannon, Former Bulb Gardening Editor
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,671
Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,671 |
Look at the hobby sites on here. Try something totally new. Get out and meet people.
Former Chocolate Editor. Also known as Daisybun.
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