BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting The supposed "Evil Step Daughter"

Im not sure if this is the right place to post this or not but im finding it very hard to find one place where the step children or adult step children can go to find advice or get any opinions or even vent. Anyways i know alot of step mothers have huge issues with the evil bratty step daughters but my situation is reversed. This is my problem and sticky situation, Im 21 years old and feel 40, most the time i feel more mature then all my parents bio and not. I dont live with any of them neither do any of my bio brothers, i actually took in my older brother in April who is mentally disabled because i didnt think that my father and "psycho" could handle it (which they couldnt and were glad to put it on me) more "them time". well about 4-5 years ago i moved to the states to try and start my life for myself ( it was when all the divorce was final and everything new boyfriends and soon to be wives was begining) and i wouldnt go to my dads wedding, i didnt want to see him marry anyone else especially after only 6 months of seeing the person, so i left which ='s resentment from them. I came back in April because things werent working out and i thought id start my life again here alone and be closer to my family. so i stayed with my dad untill i got on my feet which only took a month, and things were great me and his wife became closer n everyone was happy. After 18 i was legally able to make all my own choices and did so, i wasnt the type going out and getting drunk. i came back got a job and an apartment n took in my brother n was happy to be getting things started and going good again. After all of that n the apartment in may, i was on the phone with my kind of boyfriend / friend (we were figuring it out at the time)from the states who i was staying with, when he said "someone from ur dads is beeping in" and switched lines, it was my step mother, going off the wall saying that i was stealing my brothers money and im a big whore and a theif saying i stole stuff from him as well and that i was nothing but trouble, and that i was dating and "doing" a bunch of different guys here. CRAZY STUFF I WOULD NEVERRRRRR DO! I couldnt believe it and had no idea why she was doing this to me, after he had told me this i it wasnt long till i had gotten a beep, i switched over and it was her " HOW COULD U DO THAT TO YOUR BROTHER??" I had no idea what she was talking about the only thing that i could think of was earlier that day in the morning i had called my dad and told him my brother needed deodarent ( the first month my brother lived with me i held his bank card tho he had no extra money that month, my dad took it back the following month because psycho didnt trust me so he holds my brothers bank card) anyways so i said he needed money i guess that lit the fire along with her begining mennopause and getting drunk daily after work. so she flew off the handle calling me a slut and whore and a fat [censored] and what not, i was upset as could be i trusted her and was close with her and she called him just because she knew i loved him and he meant alot to me, hes my only weakness and she preyed on it. so anyways i was hurt upset betrayed and trust was shattered and to top alll that off my dad did absoulutly NOTHING!! he jus said he had no idea why she had done it. its been about 4 months or something since then and i havent said a word to her or seen her my dad comes out to my house once a month and pays my brothers bills and pockets the rest of his money and takes my brother maybe one weekend a month, has offered to take me out to lunch just me and him ONCE and never showed up or called. Then today my brothers comes into my room and said psycho had called and wanted to talk to me, i said hell no , n he told her i stepped out for a few minutes then she called back a few minutes later and i said loud enough for her to hear me NO! so then my dad called back about 20 minutes later and says " psycho wants to appoligize to you for what she had done, its almost xmas time and we'd like u to be here for dinners and what not, its time u get over it, SHES upset about it, she was crying earlier and its not fair to keep this up, everyone makes mistakes" i said "are u serious? i said ur my father i understand that u are married to her, that is your choice and i hope your happy and what not but it is my choice if i want her to be a part of my life or not and i let her be a part of it untill she broke all trust and hurt me and went that fair with it to call up someone she has no right talking to, she did it and it was me that got hurt and im not ready to accept her appology or even hear anything else she has to say to me right now. And he TRYED TO PASS HER THE PHONE! i feel like my dads gunna be really mad at me or something if i dont talk to her or get along or anything with her anymore, id like to just forget she exists but i know i couldnt get that lucky. and my dad says he'll call me at the end of the weekend to see how i feel about it then, i dont think he listened to me at all and is just worried about psychos feelings and not at all mine, i dont know what to do and i need some kind of advice or opinon all this stress and life in general is literally making me sick. I do have a good relationship with my mom but she has no idea what to do about it and just says pretend to like her but then im not one to fake something like that i feel strongly and am an emotional person and that would still hurt me to jus make her feel better when shes the one that did it all. Im so sorry this is sooo long this is the first time ive really got to vent but i am sill in need of advice and opnions like ive said so can someone please HELP!

Hey sweet heart. Let me first say that is it very good that you get these feelings out like this. Sometimes, kids just don't know what or how to say the things they are feeling. You sound like you definately have an idea as to what is normal and what isn't. ANYONE calling you names like this should not be tolerated - no matter who they are. So don't feel bad about not trusting her or needing to "like" her. You are right, your father did choose her for his spouse and is probably going through a lot more himself then you think. If she was so comfortable with yelling at you like she did, you can imagine how she must treat him. I doubt you are being singled out by her...just another target.

I have two adult step children. One son 28 and one daughter 25. My step son and I have a great relationship but my step daughter and I do not have a relationship at all. It happens. Nothing is perfect, especially family. You sound like you love your brother so keep helping him as much as you can but don't give up who you are or your life to take care of him. Your father should be doing this. But, if you feel he is safer with you, then continue what you are doing and find resources in other places like state aide for him.

Never let anyone treat you poorly. Don't forget to love yourself first.

Thanks Dapple, it's been crazy and i havent really had anyone to talk to about it all, that up there is only a small portion of it. Like i said with how its all literally making me sick, well i ended up in the hospital yesterday cause ive been having chest pains, and today i had called my dad to see what he was up to (me once again making an attempt) and let him know what had happend and he seemed more concerned about getting home to finish cleaning out the basement before she came home from work. As much as it'll hurt i think the best thing for me is to just quit trying with him and her all together, seems like they only want me around and what not when its convienent for them, and as much as ive always wanted my dads attention and love and respect, i don't think he deserves it anymore. And i cant physically take it, im the only one who seem hurt or bothered by it. She treats him like a puppy pretty much untill she drinks thats when "psycho" comes out and my dads called me before that shes locked him out n i got my friend to give me a ride to go pick him up and he talks stupidily about "oh if she ever leave me i might as well just kill myself" good greif that ticked me off when i heard that, i jus wanted to grab him n shakem and say " YOU HAVE 3 OTHER KIDS THAT ARE ACTUALLY YOURS THAT LOVE YOU, YOU IGNORANT FOOL, YOU'VE KNOWN HER MAYBE 4 YEARS NOW" it jus made me feel really unimportant to him, i know he loves me but to have someone else come into the picture treating him like [censored] and for them to have mega mood swings and pick on someone half their age,and to top it off ur daughter, jeeze. Now if he was to say one thing of what she had said to me to her daughter theyd be divorced and all hell woulda broke loose, he said once that her daughter is messy (which she realllllly was) she threw a fit n didnt talk to him for a week. She has a 19 year old daughter n a 5 year old son(whom is spoiled just rotten) n theyve sent him out to my house expecting "my brother" to watch him, when it jus ends up being me having to take care of him. even her son is just rude, hes called me fat and a [censored] on a few occaisions one being in the middle of mcdonalds because he already had that toy and wanted a different one. i dunno im venting jus still stressed out by it all. But suprisingly i didnt get questioned today (though eventually i will), and i think the reason is because im the only one who actually will stand up for myself against my dad, (he was realllllly strict when he was around growing up) and neither of my brothers will say a word to him and hes jus putting it off for now. Sorry this is another long one, but do you think cutting them right outta my life would be a good choice? or something id just regret? maybe they deserve to feel how i have for a few year?

Thanks again

Take a deep breath....
Okay, my suggestion is to think of what is best for you right now. My guess is that out of all the kids your father has, you are probably the most dependable/stable. This could put him in a place whereas he doesn't have to worry about you (emotionally). He has his hands full with the wife. He knows you will always be his daughter but is very fearful of loosing the wife. My husband and I have been married for 11 years and his daughter still cannot accept it. I am not saying that this is what you are doing, trust me, I am not. In our situation, she is the one who is being difficult. In your situation, it is the step mom. No matter what the story is, it is still very hard. I see a lot of guilt in your writings and you shouldn't ever feel guilty about your feelings. It's how you express them that matters and so far, all I see is you trying to keep the peace. Not a bad trait to have but it can be very draining on the soul. You don't have to toss them out of your life but you should start to take control of it in your life. It's not easy, I know, but as you get older...this will seem less and less important. It will be just a bad memory in your past that you made through (proudly). Hang in there and keep talking...even if it is just on this forum. It will always make you feel better.