BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids So two days ago, I peed on a stick...

Just wanted to provide an update, since much has happened since I last posted.

I had come to accept the pregnancy, and was looking forward to it. My husband seemed to move right past the initial shock in a matter of a few days.

Everything was fine for a few weeks, then I woke up one day and thought "I don't feel pregnant today". This feeling stayed with me in the weeks I waited for the first dr appt. I thought I was being paranoid, and should just be thankful that I wasn't having any symptoms.

We had the first appt on Oct 24th, and there was no heartbeat. I should have been 12 weeks, but the baby stopped developing just after 9 weeks. I had a "missed miscarriage". My body hadn't realized that the baby had stopped developing, so I was still gaining weight, and had been showing for about two weeks.

I had a D&C on Halloween. I thought everything would go back to normal, judging from my initial reactions to the pregnancy. But things will never be the same, and I feel now what I didn't feel before - a deep attachment to the baby. I now realize how silly it was to have felt like I did.

I know they say that everything happens for a reason, but I feel such grief right now, and that doesn't give me any comfort. I never thought that a person so early in a pregnancy would feel such an attachment.

I feel that this baby did what it came here to do. It made me realize that I do want to have a child in the future. Without this experience, I wouldn't have considered having children. The time wasn't ideal, and in my grief and sadness, there is a tiny sense of relief. But now I can see us planning our future differently.

Jenny, I'm so sorry for your loss.

You're right, even just a few months of being pregnant can change your entire outlook.

Take care of yourself of these next few months, and give yourself ntime to grieve and heal.

I agree that children are a huge responsibility and even if I had the money to take care of them, I still wouldn't have them. If I found out that I was pregnant, it would be devastating although my bf would disagree. I just don't think he gets all of the things women go through while being pregnant and giving birth. He doesn't have to deal with any of it-doctor appts, weight gain, stretch marks etc. I don't think people should be looked down upon for not wanting children. Children are a "want" not a "need" in life.

So many people now assume that I want to have children. They think that because I was pregnant and lost it, I will want to be pregnant again, and I'm getting aggravated with their assumptions. I truly will not know how I feel until I am over this. I'm grieving the lost of THIS baby, but they don't understand that.

Ask them if they had lost their husband would they get married again 2 months later? Or if their teenager was killed in a driving accident would they get pregnant to replace him?

You deserve time to grieve. This was your baby. You cannot replace one child with another. But since people could not see this baby or hear him/her talk - then it was not a real entity, and so for some reason should be easier to get over.

There is a reason why we have viewings at funerals, and why closed casket funerals are so difficult. Because without a body to say goodbye to, it is hard to make it feel real and closed.

This is what you are going through now. Take as much time as you need.

Hey Jenny, im in my 2nd marriage (have 3 kids from previous marriage) and last year after being married for 4 years -i found out i was pregnant (i have my tubes tied after my last child) - and my husband and i use protection too - strange but true! I was in a job where i was on my feet for a long time - but my husband was a little scared. I think he looked for my reaction to see what he should feel or think.

I was very confused (at this point my kids were 17, 14 and 11 at the time. I did not tell them. I was confused and scared. I spoke to friends - i was nearing 40 and didn't want this in my life - i was done. I was also scared because i'd been told it could be a tubal pregnancy which is dangerous.

Up to this point my husband and i had talked about more children and decided the operation to reverse my tubes being tied wasn't worth my health risk. So this pregnancy was quite a surprise to us both!

Short version - i lost the baby. I was at work and started spotting (i'd had a miscarriage before so i knew the signs). I went to emerg and unfortunately i miscarried. Up to that moment when the doctor walked in and told me it was terminated - i didn't want to be pregnant - but when he told me it was over -i was soooo angry! How dare he tell me that! Who was he!

It was hard for me to accept -but i now realise it happened for a reason - everything does. There are opportunities that we sometimes don't see.....

Hi Jenny,

I hope you're feeling a little better. I had to post because years ago, I got pregnant and immediately I knew I couldn't possible have it (19 and in college - not a long term relationship, etc.). But before I could get the abortion, I had a miscarriage. I was only about 6 weeks along. And I felt such a huge loss. Horrible loss. I never knew that I could feel a kind of connection like that - especially when I was determined to end the pregnancy.

So here I am, 33 and married to the love of my life and thankfully we are both on the same page. Neither one of us has ever wanted children and we are not going to have them. We've spent hours upon hours discussing EVERYTHING and that's our happy choice.

I just wanted to send you a little note so that you can hopefully know there are lots of different choices still to be made in your life. Our hormones/bodies/minds react extremely during and after pregnancy. It's going to be hard for you to think about the future at all right now in regards to having kids, I would think. Give yourself time to grieve. I actually did a little ceremony for myself when I miscarried - I took my teddy bear that I had since childhood and took it to a special spot and buried it.

I'm really sorry you've gone through such pain and hope you're feeling better.

Alicia