BellaOnline Forums Family Moms Aarrrrrrrrg!

Long story short...
I'm a newbie here and don't honestly find the category this belongs in. There is no grandparent category here.

Long story short...... my son is 24. There is a pregnant ex-girlfriend.(Due mid-November)My son is really excited and wants to be a dad...not just a sperm donor. The ex was fine for a few days - even invited me to an appointment to hear the heartbeat. Now, she's moved back in with her mom and all hEck has broken lose. She's excluding my son and us and we are well aware that even seeing this baby will be difficult if not impossible. How do I get used to the idea of having a grandson but not being a part of his life. He won't even be allowed to carry our name. Yet I'm sure she'll be looking for money to help raise him.

Don't other parents teach their children (daughters, in this case) that there are others involved in their childish antics? I pray that she (the ex) never has to feel the way I do. I don't understand how she could do this to another.

I'm sure that God has a plan. I know I have to keep asking Him what I"m supposed to learn...I just don't know what it is or how to deal with it. This will be our first grandchild. And he will be the first child of an only son and only grandson. So the hurt is deep.

Not looking for sympathy, just perhaps someone who's been in my shoes and who can share some good ideas on how to live with the decisions being made in this. Help me understand!

I would think that legally, if your son is expected to pay child support - then he would have visitation rights to his child as well, just as in a divorce situation.

And most court systems are recognizing the very real importance of having a father in a child's life. Don't just lie down and accept that you won't see your grandchild.

On a more personal side, consider the fact that the young lady was being reasonable until she moved back in with her parents. It is possible that she is being pushed into this position.

Many parents upon learning that their unwed daughter has become pregnant take the stance that it is all the boy's fault. The idea of "two to tango" kind of goes out the window when it comes to responsibility (or blame rather). Deep down they are hurt and furious with their daughter, but in trying to be supportive of her they turn that anger onto the boyfriend. The fact that your son is an ex-boyfriend makes him an even bigger target for their anger. You said your son was 24, but you never mentioned the age of the young lady. This might also have something to do with it.

The best thing I can think to do (and I have never been in this situation personally, so I'm just kind of going on instinct here) is for you and your son to try and stay in touch with the family, offer support to the young lady, and only take the hard line when it becomes absolutely necessary. I realize this is not far off, but try to be as kind as long as possible.

Your son should get an attorney NOW and get some things in writing now before your grandson is born. Every state has standard parenting agreements that are actually in place regardless but your son will need to be established as the Legal Father first.

She is 21. Her mother seems very bitter. I have had the 'pleasure' of talking with her once where for 45 minutes I listened to how my son's feelings don't matter in this and that it's "all about (daughter's name here)"

This is a miracle baby as mom has had cervical cancer and was supposed to not be able to conceive. He is a miracle...as all babies are -- not only because of his conception.

I have a 22 year old daughter as well and let me tell you, if she was pregnant, I would be the first to drag her (by her ears if necessary!) to be and allow the baby to be involved in the young man's family. That's how I was raised. I think that is the hardest thing here is that people these days simply can't fathom how their actions affect more than themselves. Makes me sick to my stomach. My son has living grandparents as well.......who will also be battling to see their great grandson. Makes me cry.

Yes, we have an attorney. Who knows the due date, yet is dragging his feet for some reason. We want to file first as that puts my son on the offense rather than defense. All my research indicates that that is the better postion in cases such as this.

Anyway, thanks for your input and for listening. We continue to search for answers and I do understand I have the right to see my grandson. What I don't accept is that everytime we see him it will be a battle thanks to this young ladies upbrining (my opinion only here!)

Life sure can be interesting! It just goes to show us that God has a sense of humor, doesn't it!??