BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I am sick of everyones Pity Party!

A couple of responses:

"I'm doing my part to save the environment (disposable diapers in landfills,etc., etc.)"

"The world is sooo overpopulated now."

I never get the looks of sorrow. Not ever. When people ask if I have kids, I just say, "never wanted them." And then it moves along to the next topic.

Cool, I took your survey!

I have heard the gene pool one before and I actually use it when explaining how the childfree are not selfish! Holy sh*t, what an unbelievably logical reason to have kids...are these the same people who also believe in genetically modifying their fetuses to have the perfect child? It's like that movie Children of Men, where the world is just chaos because the human race has become infertile. And then when it's discovered that people can actually reproduce again, the whole movie turns hopeful. Yeah right.

In response to the "you'll change your mind" one I usually say that I've felt the same way since I was about 16. That does shut people up because people usually can't believe it. Another way to end the pity party is to say that you didn't have any so that you could travel to other countries, learn to play the cello, etc. (add in something here that you do, that most parents would never have the time to) I think our only hope is to make them jealous!

I've been rolling my eyes for 12 years.

when i am asked by men if i have children / want children and i say no, they seem totally fine with my answer and sometimes a "wow" will actually escape their lips...but it's almost an envious "wow", not a pity party "wow". now on the other hand...when women ask me if i have children / want children and i say no, they seem offended or they act like they can't believe i don't want to experience everything they complain about. ha!

Oh no!
I can expect then these pitying looks until I�m at least 40!!
That�s really horrible!
It�s a really fun and tragic picture you describe. I recognize it very well. People, whom have to find a biological reason for us not having any children, or maybe we�ll get wiser with time.
I just hoped I could get the final word soon, with my age being 34, then maybe new relations would stop the arguing about not having kids, but apparently not yet.

Back when I was in my 20-30's I did a lot of office work, and found that the 'pity party' was often the reverse. This is what I mean:

Setting: Chit chatting with co-workers at coffee break

Co-Worker #1: "I have SO much to do tonight. I have to pick up (insert Child's name) from school and get her to piano practice. While she's there I have to go home and get (insert Child's name) ready for football practice while I put dinner in the oven. Then get (Child #1) and she'll have to come to football with us. I won't get home until almost eight o'clock!"

Co-Worker #2: "Yeah, I know. I have to leave early to pickup my son from daycare and get him to the doctor by five. I hope they're on time, because my other son has swim lessons. What are you doing tonight, Karen?"

Me: "Well, my husband's working late tonight, so I think I'll have a hot bath when I get home. Then maybe have a glass of wine and read until he calls so I can put some steaks on the grill."

Co-Workers No 1 & 1: (said with a jealous tone). "Wow... must be nice!"

You know, for years I just didn't quite know how to respond to that. Eventually, I made up the little lie 'Yes, it's nice now, but when I'm older I won't have family to visit me like you will." That would mollify them. I'd get the (relieved?) nods of agreement and the conversation would be over. However, I always ended up feeling like I 'sold out' because I don't feel like that at all! When I'm older I'll be in senior clubs and have boatloads of friends to do stuff with!

My best friend (also childfree and loving it) came up with a far better response. One day she got so tired of the jealous 'must be nice" comment that she gave a huge, sunny smile and said with enthusiasm "You know, it really IS!"

I use that now, too!

Funny, everwhere in the world the same. I am from Spain, lived in England, Florida, Germany... and ever since i was 9, the same thing: you will change your mind. At 36 people should start believing you, right?

Men find often women who don't want to have kids kind of cool, a little like they like girls who can drink beer from the bottle. It sounds adventurous. But at the end of the day MOST men want children too.