BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I am sick of everyones Pity Party!

Why is it when you finally open up to family/friends/peers/coworkers that you have made an active decision to NOT have kids you suddenly get the Pity Party???
It is like they honestly believe you wanted kids and tried to have kids and couldn't, so you made up some story that you did not want to have them. It simply is not within the scope of their understanding that there are some people out there that are perfectly happy without spawning mini versions of themselves. My mother is especially guilty of this and she already has three grandkids. WHY, WHY, WHY?????

WOW- you are the first person to verbalize my exact experience!! You are so right. So many morons all happily say in mid-stream "if you have kids..."(fully expecting you do and I interrupt with a shocking to them "No, I don't." or people come right out and ask "do you have kids?" and then they get all uncomfortable and weird and start babbling like your "pity party" example!! My answer is no I do not have kids. It is what it is. I am not sad about it. I do not look sad about it. I did not say it sadly. SO MOVE ON. Let us talk about something else. No need for the silence or the babbling... Now I am looked at like a freak of nature and they just cannot talk to me as if I am a contributing member of society until they figure out what is wrong with me. Why did this happen to me???? Something must have gone so very wrong... So pitying me is the best they can do at trying to grapple with this twisted UNPARENT person in front of them... The thing is it happens more often than not and it is never really an option to just walk away...

When I was in my child-bearing years and got asked "do you have children?" I replied "No,but we have three beautiful cats and they are the sweetest little things alive."

That always got a chuckle and saved me from having to explain that it's none of their da*n buisness as to why I don't. SHEESH

Isn't it always women that ask; so maybe it's our inborn nurturing that is inside our psyche that we must produce. Todays world it is none of anyone's damn business and if anyone ask's then just respond "and you need to know this because"? That should shut them up. People are just so insensitive when it comes to this.

OR another good response is "what's your reason for HAVING children?"

The pity party has gotten worse and really weird now that I am 40 because after I tell the person "no, I don't have any brats of my own" (okay I don't really say the word brats out loud!) then they say, "oh, someday you will..." and that makes me so angry so I say, "no, I do not want any kids" then they say "oh, that will change as you get older" then I really get mad and now I say "no, I am 40." and then they really get this look of shock and aghast upon their face and stutter, "I thought you were so much younger..." and they act like they are at a funeral because my chances of being like the rest of the world in creating offspring is over, so now I will pathetically have to live the rest of my days with no children and they just cannot fathom that one!! I wish these people would just STOP!!!!!!! I never asked to be invited to their Pity Party and I want OUT!!! Why can't they be happy for me that I am happy with my decision? Nope- they judge me by our societies standards of "normal". I am not the freak- they are for freaking out when there is nothing to get upset about.

ok....so how about this for a response: "No I don't have children, but I am sorry for you!" turn the pity on them--that is where it goes anyway isn't it? < sarcasm
Ravyn

I am sooo with you on this one!!!

I am now 43 and don't have any kids either and am quite content with that decision. People act like you're an Uncaring person if you choose not to have children. Look at all the irresponsible people out there having children without any thought to it at all and end up being "horrible" parents and all these unwanted, abused, and abandoned kids in the world. And they want to judge our mature, thought out, conscience decision to NOT have kids??

My girlfriend and i joke that when we're old and living in a nursing home we won't have children to visit us...lol...but then again, they probably wouldn't visit anyway.

All those people "feeling sorry for you" should worry about the generation of pampered, self centered, brats they are raising. Truely they are probably just jealous of your Fabulous "Free to do as you want" lifestyle!!

Kidless Sisters Unite!!!!

Ah, but then you get the "I know what's better for you than YOU" looks.

Trust me, I've gotten them before. I've just learned to *eyeroll* them off.

Good Luck,

Tarah

Oh you all have some great ways to combat the "you'll change your mind someday" response. It really isn't anyones damn business whether I have kids or not and why. I actually had a friend of mine say "But you're so smart, you've got such good genes...there aren't a lot of good, healty people out there. You should have kids to help improve the gene pool." I just stared at him and could not believe what I was hearing. I felt like I was in some bad science fiction movie about the end of humanity. Talk about your selfish reasons for having kids! I never knew it was my responsibility to 'save' the gene pool.