BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Changes after marriage

I disagree. Real changes will occur because we never stop growing. Just because you live with someone for even twenty years does not mean it will be the same song after you marry and live together. My husband and I are high school sweethearts and we have grown on each other like fungi. We lived together despite our parents' blessings and learned a lot of things about one another but we made it.

Life changed somewhat once we married because going from being teens in love "to" the ripe age of 22 with a baby on the way will change anyone. We were used to doing things together and separate then came the baby in the baby carriage and Whoa! now our time was divided again but by a bundle of love. But we matured together about this change and grew to learn to respect one another and one another's time.

Well, the other heirs to the throne came and Whoa! Again, we learned something new: how to stop pushing one another's buttons and learn how to become parents AND soul mates. This again is a change. Children will change a marriage but make sure you keep it separate but unified. Once the children are gone to bed, keep life alive (romantically) for you and he are your marriage will change.

Having a lot of experience, being married since 1989, and high school sweethearts since 1982, I have lots to bring to the table. Being 42, both of us, having met at 16, yes change will occur but not all change is bad. Change occurs until we die. So next time someone mentions that life changes after marriage, consider that it will involve both good change and change with tribulation but it will be all worth it if love is the center point.

Other things, like finances, certain movies, families, religion, even a controversial topic will take you both into a mode that you've never seen and then you can say, yes, marriage will bring change.

Bye!

Hi Im new at this, I signed up tonight. Kinda looking for advise. Im not sure if its ok to talk in here..or was I suppose to make my own topic..which I dont know how to do..lol..but I do think men change after marriage, or maybe I did. I dont know. I think im the same person. He on the other hand im not so sure of. Where we use to talk and spend time together. Go out to dinner, take walks and talk ETC. He works all day and I know he has to do that..but he comes home. we talk alittle if not much at all and then hes more intrested whats on tv then anything else. Then he takes a shower and good night to him. I understand he is tired. Of course he is, hes worked all day. But this is an every night thing. Its getting boring, im lonely,and being intimate with each other is another thing. it doesnt happen often. He hardly kisses me anymore, unless hes on his way out the door for work. I dont know what to say to him without him getting defensive. I'm sorry if im sounding like a winey wife, but i just dont know what to do. I need advise.

I'm sorry you all don't get to do all the things that made you fall in love with one another. Jobs, careers, success, children, life itself, can bring a damper into anyone's relationship. I had a friend in a situation similar to yours and I gave her some advice, she tried it and it worked. Also, several times afterwards with her own creativity, so since you've inquired, I'll give that same advice to you: depending on when he works, should he not have to work on the weekends, try this: your honey comes in on Friday evening, tired, ready to watch the tube and eat the dinner you've slaved over right? Well, try this. Have a bubble bath ran for him with his favorite "hang-around-the-house" sweatpants, shorts, jammies etc... laying on the bed and as soon as he comes in, mind you, look like a rag doll. No makeup, hair crazy and slouch clothes. No tease, at least not yet, then give him a kiss and say "honey,I've ran you a bath, go in and relax a bit while I warm up dinner". While he's taking the bath, girl, pull out a few candles, light 'em, bring the dinner out to the table with you as the dessert. What I mean is, quickly put on a lil' nightie that'll keep him up "all nightie" and either, after he's gotten out of the bath, look at you twice and hurry and eat that delicious meal you've made or he'll want "dessert" first. If you're good at using the weapon God has given to the woman, he'll never have those jammies, sweatpants, shorts, etc... on too long. Uh, huh.

Sometimes, we women, gotta make men halt and stop to get their attention. Kinda' like a woman crossing the street in a short skirt. It will catch any man's attention for at least a second. CATCH HIS ATTENTION!!

Now, if you have children, work out that babysitting situation early. If there is a hot game on, as I said before, if you "work your weapon" he'll delay the beginning. That way you get some attention, he smiles and can finish off the night enjoying one another. Oh, by the way, once the heat settles, keep the heels, and nightie nearby for him to reminisce on, as he "watches the tube" if he's truly a man, he won't be watching too long. Try it and let me know what happens (without explicit details...smile). Hey, girls, this plan can work on any worknight. By the way, pull this card anytime it needs to be played. All work and no play will bore anyone. Thanks for inquiring. Hope this helps. Bye and happy harvest!

I think both people change after getting married. Even if you live together first. Before marriage both are on their best behavior. I always tell others that the way you treat each other now before marriage is the BEST it will ever be.

Of course it doesn't have to be that way but life, work, kids, growing older, sickness, it can affect things in ways we didn't expect EVEN when we were told better.

Marriage is work. We have to get up each day in love and go to bed at night in love. Act like you're in love, behave like you're in love, and you'll still be in love. It does take two though.

I am all for counseling and life coaching if it is needed, there are many marriage work shops, retreats and groups to help people improve.