BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Trial Separations?

I am curious if anyone has a trial separation anymore before deciding to divorce?

Mt best friend tried that and it was just prolonging the process of a divorce. She called him to try and make up but it did not work out and she was really bitter. She also sold the engagement ring he bought her onBellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I had a very LONG separation from my husband as well and I don't think it really helped. Had we lived in the same country it might have been ok but we didn't. I think that if you want your marriage to work, (hind sight is 20/20 after all) it's best to stay and work it out than separate.

I think separations prolong the inevitable (sometimes). If you've exhausted all other efforts and you decide to temporarily split - to feel the waters - then it's time to leave.

I've been divorced for 10 years. We got separated before xmas one year -our kids were young so for their sake we lived in the same house and for financial reasons. He would leave for hours at a time and i knew he was going to see her (he told me he wasn't) -and stupidly i believed him. This went on for 3 months - i attended a hockey game that he asked me to go to - and the sister of the woman he was having an affair with - came up to me outside and told me to let him go - he wasn't mine anymore. That was the final nail in the coffin for me. I think i knew -but that moment - the AHA moment - where was my self-respect. I'd invested 12 years and 3 children with this man - and this is what i got? I left - it was a process - but he moved in with her at first - and i left with the kids. I never looked back.

I think the separation gave him the go-ahead to be with both of us. it was an awful time for me -but it was also eye-opening for me. For some reason at that point in my life - i thought it was ok to be treated like dirt.


I had been thru both emotional and physical abuse with this man - the new girl said he was 'different' with her. I warned her - and 4 years later - he smashed her face into the cement -and was charged with assault.

I had another AHA moment - when she called me and apologized to me - and told me that i was right. I didn't want to be right - i just wanted her to be safe - even though she fooled around with my husband at the time.

I did ask her what he had told her for her to see him - didn't she know he was married with kids? She said he'd told her our marriage was over - he was just afraid to tell me.

I had a long separation also...almost 5 years. Too long an epic for now...I ended up divorcing him. To this day, he cannot believe I did.
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When I look back I guess I needed that time to say I "tried" but I do sometimes wish I would not have wasted so much time and youth on him.

I agree - about the time wasted! Time wasted on feelings of guilt for my children - guilt because i blamed myself for us splitting up - blaming - being mean to myself - as soon as i let go of the blame - of the guilt and forgave myself - i couldn't move on. I realised that it was far better to be happy and alone then to keep pretending. On the other hand - had i not 'wasted' that time - i would not have been able to see all the gifts i hadn't used in a long time - one of them being strength...and fortitude -and joy and happiness. I had lost those somewhere...

I initiated a trial separation prior to divorce because I wasn't ready to completely throw in the towel yet. My separation began in September and we filed the divorce paperwork last week.

It was the right decision for me because I was able to see the marriage for what it was after we lived in different residences. In fact, I'm not sure if I could have gone from married to divorced without the security of a separation in between.

Then again, the destruction of my marriage was a result of his binge-drinking.

In Canada (and some other places), unless the basis for the divorse is either Abuse or Adultery you have to be separated for one year before you can file for divorce. So, I am currently in that separation period. I guess there is always a chance that it is "trial," but there is too much other stuff.

I guess I can see the value of a separation in terms of preparing for divorce. I do wish that during a separation there was some required counseling or something to help couples navigate.