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Did anyone see the season premier of Desperate Housewives on Sunday night? I was taken back to see how Gaby�s character had changed from last season. She used to be a beautiful woman who was a bit on the selfish side. She would take pride in her looks.

This season begins and she has two young children. Gaby is unrecognizable. She is slightly overweight, wears no makeup, hair is a mess. Her overall appearance looks dirty and tired. What a complete contrasts from the previous season.

So what is the network telling us? The way I see it they are saying that if you are child-free and have the time to spend on yourself then you are marked as selfish. When you have children all those things that where important to you, as getting your nails done and going to the gym are just silly because you have much more important things to take care of, such as raising children.

I used to have a girlfriend when I lived in Miami who was just beautiful. In fact, at one time she was a model. She married and got pregnant. I went to her baby shower where, although, she looked big due to the pregnancy, she still looked pretty. Around eight months later we met. We were going to visit a sick friend and I had not seen her since she had given birth.

I actually did not recognize the woman. She had gained like 50 pounds, her hair was a mess, she had no make-up on and she wore a big tee shirt with a Mickey Mouse logo on the front and stretch shorts. Her first words to me when she saw me was �don�t I look like a mom�. Scary.

Giselle

Giselle, I got that impression too from the way the writers remade Gabby. Before she had kids she was selfish, self-indulgent, really didn't care about anyone but herself. I have lots of child free friends and I do not view them that way at all. And not all women who have kids turn into what they portrayed Gabby as being after she had kids. It was interesting. I look forward to reading other responses from people of both sides.

I have to agree with you both, as a Mom myself this does happen. You really don't have alot of time to yourself which is one of the things I always point out to someone who ever ask me what it is like to be a Mom (yes it is true you have to eat, shower, and go to the bathroom really fast). I'm not complaining about it but honestly alot of people do not think about that BEFORE they have kids.

Yeah - watching that episode really made me feel great, considering I found out I was pregnant just a few days before and was already mourning the death of my childfree life! (This was as much a surprise as waking up Nov 5th and hearing that Jimmy Buffett had been elected president would be!)

Seriously, I can't tell you how many times my mom-in-law would say that our priorities weren't in order and life isn't about material things. We aren't selfish people, but when you DO have THINGS, and DON'T have KIDS, you are assumed to be self-centered. I've always felt like society looked at you like you were childish and never outgrew the need for the nicest car in high school (if that makes sense).

Of course TV is always such a charicature of real life, too.

Yes - after you have kids, for at least the first several years, their needs come first.

But that doesn't mean that you can't, or shouldn't, take time for yourself as well.

A lot of women (especially from previous generations) have a martyr complex. It's like a competition, "Well, I obviously love my children more because I've given up more of my life to make them happy. See how miserable I am?"

When really children are happiest when Mom and Dad are happy and relaxed, too. Because if you're not, if you are always stressed out - then you can come to blame your child. Children know things like this. They can sense it.

So being a little "selfish" after having a baby is actually good for your kids!

I think it's like everything else in life. Having kids and being true to yourself requires balance. You take care of your children, but you take care of yourself too. The moms I have seen who have "let themselves go" have issues other than just kids. Sometimes there are marital or financial problems, sometimes depression, sometimes there is just no support. I have two kids but I still take pride in my appearance. TV is there to entertain us, not to reflect real life.

I find that as a mom, wife, student and employee it is hard to find time to do all the things I could do to make myself look better.

I consider myself to look pretty good when I walk out the door... at the same time, it takes me a week of playing phone tag with the hairdresser to get my appt. scheduled, I don't have the time to sit at a nail place and get pampered on a regular basis (hardly even for special events if I wanted to), I don't always have as much time to get out of town to shop for nicer clothes and when I do, money is an issue.

Things like food, clothing for kids, school supplies for kids, fees so they can participate in extra activities (sports, band, church, etc) all seem to come first. Not to mention the time involved in going to the kid's events, taking them to and fro, taking them to doc appt's etc.

It's not that us moms don't care about our appearances, we just don't always have as much time or money to spend on it as before.

Oh yeah, and going to the gym. I'd love to have the energy to go to a gym, but with everything else I have going on, that is the LAST thing I want to do. Considering I weigh 105 soaking wet, I am not too concerned about it, plus I walk all over campus daily. But I can see how some moms feel that is the last place on earth they would want to go.

Do I think there are some moms who let themselves go and blame it on their kids? Certainly.

Is it work to keep up your appearance? Definitely.

Usually in the morning I argue with myself over whether or not I want to extend the extra effort to curl my hair, which takes about a half an hour... as opposed to using that half hour to do something else for myself that I would much rather do. In the end, I feel better about myself throughout the day when my hair has been done, but I lose that time of doing something I actually wanted to do, even if that something was just sitting and staring off in space.

I know plenty of moms who are gorgeous, fit, dress nice and seem to have it all together, despite being a mom. Ultimately I think it depends on money (can you afford to keep up with your looks) and your motivation (does it make you feel good, is it worth the effort). And for some, time (do you have the time to keep up looks).

When it comes to SAHM's, there is also the attitude of, who am I going to get dressed up for? They are home all day and don't see the point in getting dressed up, fixing hair, wearing makeup etc. Perhaps some of them get a little too comfy with that kind of attitude?

Having kids does kind of force one to have other priorities. I think that is just the nature of the beast.