BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I quote: "I want a 2nd baby just for me"

I had a discussion with a friend's friend. Her and her boyfriend are together for 7 years. When things started to go wrong, they had a baby. She is really baby-minded, so I guess she convinced him the bad way (sexual manipulation, like another one of my friend is doing all the time... see below). She was talking about her breast and all her body being changed by pregnancy in a way she's not confident about herself anymore. She cheated on her boyfriend a few times to have a bit of approval, affection, and sex, because they are not close to each other anymore.

So I ask her what her projects are now, is she going to leave him, start a new life, or what. SO basically her plans are: get another baby with this guy, for HER, and because he is goos with kids and she doesn't want kids from different fathers. After that, she plans on leaving him and get breast reduction and a lot of diets to find a new guy.

You can imagine what my opinions are about that kind of thinking... I'm the one who is selfish??? Anyway.

About the sexual manipulation: one of my good friends is pregnant for the 4th time at 31 years old. Her husband is friend with my fiance, so I know some things about their couple... Apparently, she refuses to have sex when she's not fertile. She refuses to take the pill, so they use condoms and sometimes interruption (I don't know in english, but the guy stops just before the happy ending lol . Often, she teases the guy in the living room or the pool, far form the condoms, and he gets really turned on. If he says something about getting the condoms, she's like "I don't know if I'll still be in the mood if you go, it's Right Now!". She's only into it when there is a risk of being pregnant, the rest of the time she's just vaguely there... Anyway, I find it really disgusting and depressing for the husband... Sex is supposed to be fun, not manipulation like that.

And again: I'm the selfish teenager-for-ever, immature, superficial, who doesn't know the value and the purpose of life... I'm faithful, I respect my fiance, I enjoy sex with him and I'm enthusiast about it, I'll never try to manipulate and use any guy like that, I respect myself, I belong to myself and not to my biological functions, I have great projects and dreams (in my career, education, activities, travel) that will be good for me but will never ruins someone else's life. Maybe I'm selfish not to take care of kids, but I'll never make my partner's life that miserable (2nd example), and I'll never steal the right of a baby to have a father near him like my 1st example. I won't harm anybody on purpose like that!! That is really selfish.

And depressing. Why those women feel some incomplete and empty without babies? Did you ever see men wanting kids that much? I have friends on facebook who put pictures of their bellies every month, then pictures of babies every day... I really don't connect with humanity right know.

I would love to read your opinions, I'm lost, surrounded by crazy mothers...


(sorry for my english, 2nd language.) I'm 29. Teacher in a college. My dreams for the near future: learn japanese, a trip to Japan, improve my classical guitar, become a great teacher, study, learn and read the more I can, having a big appartment downtown in front of a park, discover great music, continue to dance often, getting my black belt in karate, having friends like me...

This is really sad, but unfortunately I have heard many stories about "accidental" pregnancies. Basically the woman wanted kids and the man didn't so she would "forget" to take her pills for a few days. My CF status often prompts people to say, "Well never say never! You could have an oops!" (I mean, seriously...we've been together for 7 yrs...I've been sexually active for 15 yrs...so it doesn't seem likely)

It's getting to the point where I wonder how many "accidents" there actually are! Maybe more of them are actually planned (although manipulatively, as your examples indicate).

I can actually understand the wanting a second baby with the same father, especially if he is a good father....but the manipulation is wrong. Having a baby should be a mutual thing, whether or not they stay together. It is his child too.
Ravyn

I've always thought "accidents" in this day and age don't really exist that often. Maybe 30 years ago, but birth control is so reliable if you use it the right way. Yeah, people who use condoms, sometimes they break, and you get pregnant. But if they REALLY didn't want to get pregnant, you'd think they'd be more careful and use something more effective. So I don't buy the whole oops thing at all. And I just don't understand those women whose whole lives revolve around having babies. I can't believe only having sex to have babies! Obviously, this person has either never had a big "o", or has been taught all her life to abhor sex that isn't for procreation purposed. That's just sad... Budgie, I'm on facebook too. We should add each other as friends!

Budgie - I think your English is excellent - I had no trouble at all undersdtanding what you were saying!

I'm not sure what to think about the 1st friend. If they are breaking up anyway, what is so different about this than artificial insemination? As long as she doesn't hit him up for child support later. THAT would definitely fall under manipulation.

The 2nd friend - that is just cruel. Intentionally leading a man on to get him to the point of pain, basically. That's wrong. Sex is about more than jhust procreation. It is about love and closeness of a couple. It sounds like she is not giving at all in this capacity.

To iandysgrl, there are still some reasons that legit accidents happen. The main reasons being medication interference. So many women do not pay attention when they get a new med (like antibiotics or some acid reflux meds) that interfere with birht control pills. If the woman uses a separate doc for GYN and for family medicine, then even the doc may not think to warn her. And waaayyyy too many people fill their scrips at more than one pharmacy - so that doesn't get noticed either. There are wranings on labels - but how many of us pop a pill without reading through all the stuff?

There are a few other reasons, but this is fars and away the most common for true accidents. (Other than just forgetting, that is!)

It's incredibly unfair for any person to push their wants and needs onto another under any circumstances. Deliberately conceiving a child without consideration for the other person involved is never a good idea. The child suffers, the parent who wasn't ready suffers and in the end the person who thought it was such a cracker jack dandy idea to do so under the wrong circumstances may find themselves unhappy and disappointed as well.

We have the luxury (to a large percent) of being able to plan pregnancies. Why do people continue to forego the use of common sense?

That's true, I guess there are true accidents. But still, if you're REALLY not wanting to get pregnant, I think you'd be pretty darn careful about drug interactions. Of course, some people haven't learned that there are different drugs interact with each other as well. So I don't know. I just think a lot of people use the "accident" excuse when they shouldn't.

The "accident" excuse is very handy for some. It absolves them of responsibility!

But, I used to write for the asthma site, and I did an article on pharmacies- and found out that over 60% of American's use at least 2 or more pharmacies for prescriptions.

This is really bad! Not just for birth control, but all medications. The pharmacy is the best place for keeping up with drug interactions. And if your pharmacy does not know everything you are taking (including homeopathic remedies) - then they cannot advise you as to risks and side effects.