BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Children *The Only* topic of conversation

I just went through this this weekend. The guys went fishing and I hung back with the girls and their children. My one friend just had a baby 3 weeks ago so I guess "naturally" (for her anyways) the whole conversation revolved around her kids. By the time my husband made it back to dry land I was ready to skiddaddle. I love my friends but feel like what we have in common is dwindling. YIKES!

In the past month two of my male colleagues and one female friend have said to me, "I'm so in love with my new niece!"

And then the whole conversation revolves around the miracle of life, changes your perspective, blah blah blah.

I was just reading your post and had to respond. I am 43 years old and have experienced losing most of my good friends in the past 8 years or so. Most of my friends/relatives had kids late in life, so the past several years have just been a misery to me. No one wants to get a sitter or even leave the brat with the husband or parent, so I am expected to put up with these rotten, spoiled brats and listen to their parents' boring drivel. "So and so is only three but is already learning to read!" Yeah, they're "geniuses" but still go in their diaper and are fed by the mom. They bring the kids everywhere and to all functions where the whole meal/lecture/ party is ruined by the adult zombies who can do nothing but stare at the kids and revel in each of the inane utterances that comes out of their mouths. There is nothing you can do, unfortunately. Asking for them to hire a babysitter just offends them, and then they are bent on showing you how different, special and wonderful their kid is. It's so sad. And they call us childfree folks selfish?

agador, how are you dealing with the loss of friends? I find it really difficult. I'd be interested to know how others are coping too, not making new friends but letting go of the old ones.

Schnicky,
It has been extremely difficult. Some of the new moms about whom I was speaking I have known my whole life. About 2-3 years ago I was so unhappy that I actually became depressed, but I knew that I had two options: one was to be miserable because you are just barely able to keep your head from exploding being around your friends and their kids, and the other is to distance yourself from these friends. I chose to distance myself because I just couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't an easy decision. I have since found a small group of childfree couples here in Miami where I live. It is also necessary to be able to speak freely about being childfree, something you always have to keep to yourself around your child-burdened friends.

I am having a hard time dealing with it as well. What I am finding is that it has brought me so close to my husband and I am thankful for that. I am trying to balance that too because I don't want our relationship to suffer. We've already "lost" one of our closest couple friends to their kids friend's parents and am really nervous when our other close friends children start school and activities that we will "lose" their friendship too. I guess what I have to keep in the back of my mind is that they chose to move on and that's what I have to do too. It stinks, but is a reality. I have started working on hobbies and making friends through work and local nature organizations. It's tough!!Thank goodness for forums like these so we can vent and keep our sanity! :-)

Even though me and my hubby are only 22 are closest friends just got married and are already talking about having kids within the next 2-3 years. I don't understand why people can't be satisfied/fullfilled/happy without kids. I guess that's why us childfree by choice are in the minority. No more late movie nights with our 'kid friends' because the "baby is asleep...can't get a sitter", no more spontaneous shopping dates because little johnny is sick/too tired/whatever. Anyways, that's why I believe it's so important to have such strong bond with my husband. When all others have kids and I'm eventually friend-less, he'll still be there being my best friend (along with my dogs). It's so nice to vent on here

I have to say, I am so glad I discovered this forum! I married a man almost 16 years older than me with two kids who are now 16 and 20. I am 29 and am looking forward to the skids moving out on their own so me and hubby can finally have time to ourselves. I never had that screaming desire to have children (hubby is glad for that, he does not want anymore!). I feel uncomfortable around children and hate it when others INSIST I hold thier newborn. I have always felt the odd one out because I was always the one who hung back and desperately looked for a reason to leave the room when a co worker brought her new bundle of joy (yeah, right) to work to show off. Anyway, being married to an older man can be hard when we go out or attend company functions. Everyone we talk to is always asking "How is so and so doing in college? What does so and so want to do when she graduates? Is so and so and her boyfriend going to get married?" and other such kid related drivel. I just stand there and smile, and try not to fall asleep on my feet. Thank goodness my hubby is aware of my discomfort in these situations and artfully changes the subject to more common ground as soon as possible!

Hi everyone...I am new to the CF forum. I turned 39 about a week ago and like the rest of you, I am coming to terms with wanting to be CF. I recently told my parents and they were very supportive. To be honest, most of my friends who do have children are so consumed with them and some, their marriages are barely surviving verging on divorce. It seems to me that as soon as the child comes along all the intimacy and sex in the relationship leaves. Then just when that child gets past the screaming up all nights, fits and terrible twos...it's time to have another one! I just have never had a longing to be pregnant and raise children. I have heard nightmares about what it does to a woman physically and I just don't see myself going through that. I do enjoy other people's kids, but at the end of the day, I like to come home to my clean home. I suppose what drew me to this CF forum is support and perhaps to make some friends who could understand me and not condemn me for not wanting children.

Miss L, wishing you A happy birthday , and welcome to the forum. We hope you enjoy your stay.
Rosie