BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships What to do..

Hi Forum, hope everyone is doing good. Now I have a problem. I came to know this guy through a common circle, we work in different dept in same hospital. We got on well together, I will hang out with his friends and he will come to my house often. It continued for 2 and a half mths when I had to fly for some work to a foreign country. Now he didint even ask my fone number there, I will wait daily for him to come online and chat with me but he will come twice a week or as he pleases. He too was gone to see his brother. Those 6 weeks I felt very uncomfortable and he told me he will come 10 days later than my date of arrival, but he came the same day as me. I now was [censored] off n I started ignoring him. Now he sent me online messages once I didnt reply too but he didnt bother to call back. Today again he sent me online message n I didnt reply back, then he sent me a message that ok..I didnt know it was so easy. Bye.
Now what am I supposed to think, that he didnt even bother to give me a call if I was angry. He just broke up. He never confessed love when I did everything I could to show that I cared for him. What shd I do. Shd I send an offliner, what to send. What to think, I am clueless.

HI,
Were you dating as a couple or just hanging out with friends for most of this time? Is it possible that he thought of it as just friends while you thought you both were going out? It seems to me that you never told him you were ticked off. You just ignored him when he sent you messages. So, maybe he became angry & just said forget it & good bye.

For me personally, I find it best to communicate how I think & feel in a honest way. Because people can't read our minds. I am not saying this to you to be rude. Many times we all can assume things with people. But unless we communicate & tell the person what we are thinking & how we feel, they may not know. Well, if you really care for him, you can try to talk. But maybe he was not that serious. I really don't know. But I know, personally if I am contacting a person & they keep ignoring me, I would not keep doing that.

You did ingnore a couple of his messages out of anger. You could have answered & told him how you felt & that you were angry. Well, sometimes we can care about another person more than they care for us. So, to me if someone is not showing the same feelings back, I would not keep doing everything to show how much I cared. You can send him a message & tell him you were angry & that is why you did not answer him. But in a way, he might not care as much as you do. Maybe he thought of you more as a friend & not a girlfriend. This is something you can ask him about, if he does answer you. Good luck to you. Judy K. Chicago.

Thanks Judy. You have always been a great help. I think you are right. He never took ours as a serious relationship probably. I talked to him myself and he was back again to where we were.I did not discuss anything about anger as it seems he is not comfortable with me discussing about the relationship and future. Though he is a family oriented person but things between us are not as they should be. That is mostly because our mother tongues are different and he feels our families wont be comfortable with each other. Yet he invites me to hang out with his friends, sees me. I am not in a good position I know.I am just working on to get my license in states and work there so that I can actually meet someone who actually can comfortably discuss a future and a life together. I care for him but it seems he is still stuck with orthodox ideas of marriage and just is looking for some fun with me. Its not good I know. But neither is being alone or dating a lot of people.

HI,
You are very welcomed. It sounds like he does not know what he wants. Well, for me I would rather be alone or try to date different men. If you still see him, I would just keep it at platonic friends so you don't get hurt more. Well, I know for myself, I would not want to even be friends with anyone who I could not have a honest discussions with. I hope that you do get your license to work in the states.

Remember if a man really cares about you & loves you, it won't matter if his family accepts you or not. It seems to me that he makes alot of excuses as to why he does not want a serious relationship. Well, at least you are aware that this is not a good situation. That is good. Some people don't even realize that.

I think that you will soon get tired of him. You also have to remember that the time you are with him, it keeps you from meeting a man that you could have a better relationship with. Don't let your feelings for him, hold you back. Take care & good luck. Judy K.

Hello,
Friends can be such a complicated thing. I would suggest that while continuing to be friends you also find other friends. If this man is not your life mate then you should not try to tie heartstrings to him. It sounds as if he wants to be Just Friends. I know this is the dreaded statement all of us fear the most, when our heart is already sighing over someone, but better to know now then before infactuation turns to something much more serious. Listen to the signs you've been provided with. It simply doesn't look as you two were meant.
Hope you find peace, happiness and the love you are searching for.
Dee

Hello
I am not being able to keep it at platonic level. He keeps in touch now regularly and spends the weekends over at my place. Its not being only friends we both know. But commitment seems to be an issue. I live in a small place.My desires in a partner are rigid as to same education level, religion and of course good looking and caring. He fits in all. I have no other better options in this country at least. What should I do:
a)stick with him and let the future take its shape(love and be loved)
b)leave him as he is just using me for sex n spending time and be alone
c) force him to commit( which I think I can do)
I am not in much confusion right now as I have had a really nice weekend with him but deep down I do think about the future.
I know its upto one that at what level she feels comfortable, and I don't need anybody's approval. But sometimes when wise people here say some words of wisdom, it changes the direction of life.Thanks again.

What to do can only be left to you, but advice when asked for can indeed be a guidance we all need at times. So my advice would be to allow your self the ability to express how you truly feel. If this other person does not want to commit then you need to decide if you are wlling to be friends with benefits or do you really want something more. if it is the latter then my suggestion is to stop seeing this person all together. If it is the former then you have no problem. But you must ask yourself and answer honestly is this what I want. What do I see for my future with this person and how does this person respond to my hopes for us in the future. Above all else do not let someone use you. If you want to continue to be friends with benefits thats fine, but remember that it was your choice and do not try to make this person commit to you. If you are ready for commitment and they are not you need to move on.
Best of luck in whatever decision you make.
Dee

Hi imgood. How are you. I know this may hurt a little, but what I am getting from your comments about him is that "He is not into you, like you are into him". If a man tells a woman that he dies not plan to get serious with her, and gives her to reasons why, than chances are that he won't get serious.As women we think that we can change a mans mind by showing him what we have to offer, and that we would make a great wife, but it is truly a waste of our time. If we want a serious relationship, we should not stand for anything less.

Hi Imgood, If you can make to be 'away' from this guy, it will be good for your best future. In my life, I experienced that often the relationship in which one is dying after other, he/she never get true Love or respect from the other.
We could come across situations where we can't stop ourself from loving someone but keep in mind that it should not engage you so much that you get involved.
As a third person I think you try to overcome this situation and make your self cooool.

Nice article to get views from others .
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Taylor

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