BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Should I kick him to the curb?

My boyfriend of three years has been spending every weekend at my house. He goes to work Saturday mornings and always comes straight to my house after work. This past Saturday, he drove down the hill, saw people sitting on my deck with me and drove past. HE WENT HOME! I think he was punishing me for not being alone waiting for him. He didn't even call when he got home. I'm thinking I've been in a controlling relationship with a mysogynist. I'm not calling him because I did nothing wrong and I don't want to hear his sorry excuse for his actions. I'm right to move on...aren't I? Your thoughts please.

You are ready to kick someone to the curb after three years for driving past your house because you were on the deck with other people? Did you guys make plans to spend alone time together? Did he tell you not to have people at your house when he came home from work?

I guess I don't understand why this one incident of him driving home and you are ready to kick him to the curb. Maybe he saw you had company and didn't want to interrupt or figured you wanted to spend some time with your friends. Maybe he was waiting for you to call to let him know it was okay to come over with your friends there or he was waiting for you to call when they left.

If you care about him at all and care about your relationship, call him and ask him why he didn't stop over or hasn't called. He could be wondering the same thing about you.

Is there other stuff that has happened or was it just this one incident? Personally, I don't think you are right if you want to kick him to the curb for this one incident. Tell us if there is other stuff happening.

Vance:
We never made plans for any Saturdays, and no, he didn't tell me not to have people over. If he would have told me not to have friends over, I would have thrown his butt out before he left for work. I will not give up my friends for any man. (I think I'm answering my own question here) I want a man that will socialize with me and my friends. He didn't even see who was there, it could have been his family. Don't you think in a normal relationship the guy would have called on his way home or once he got there? I would never have done that to him. I really think he was being abusive.
There are many other incidents too lengthy to go into but one that stands out in my mind: I just bought a new car and he said "I hope you wreck it".

Could he be a little jealous, of your friends, sounds like hes jealous of your new car,

Yes, I think he's jealous and has many other issues that I'm not certified to deal with. He won't even call my cell phone because he expects me to be HOME waiting for his calls.

D,

Alright, when you say things like he has been abusive of sorts and says stuff like I hope you wreck your new car then yes there is something wrong. The only real detail thing you said in the first post was that he drove by you when you were entertaining and he just ignored that and you called him a mysoginist but we could only base things on what you said about what happened that one day. You have to at least say he has been verbally abusive to you in the past and he has tried to control you in the past or something like that so we cn see that there is a pattern of things going on and we can better advise.

Yes, I think you should dump him if he is a jerk to you all of the time and you are unhappy with him. If you let him walk all over you now, it is only going to get worse as time goes on and probably even more so if you ever got married.

Thanks Vance. I really didn't want to go into the history because this incident is what put me over the edge. I still can't believe he drove home... 30 miles to boot. I was really needing confirmation that I'll be better off without him.

I understand but next time you post something like that, just say"there is a history of erratic behavior" or something like that and people will be able to get better advice to you.

I hope everything works out for you.

HELLO,
It sounds to me that for most of the 3 years, you are putting up with alot of controlling behavior from your boyfriend. Also mental & verbal abuse. I don't know if he ever hit you or not. But, I would not want a relationship like this. Good for you to not dump your friends, if any man, relative or even another friend wanted you to.

Vance is right, it will only get worse if you marry him. I would break up with him. You can find someone that treats your better than this. Take care. Good luck too. Judy K. Chicago.

Thank you Judy. I really needed to read that today. I am so angry, not heartbroken but extrememly angry that I wasted so much time with him. I am angry with myself for letting him punish me over and over, and believing that I was to blame for his temper tantrums. Now I can't stop letting hate and revenge invade my thoughts. When he came back into my life in 2004 (from 2001, when he disappeared without a word after standing me up for a hockey game)I thought it was fate. I thought he was my soulmate. I was so wrong!