BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Pregnancy freaks me out

This is so true! It's so nice to hear other women talking about this.

Finding this forum was like unwrapping a gift that I've been wanting for a long time.

So many like-minded women in one place!

I can soooo totally relate to what you tell. I was as far back as I can remember disgusted by the thought of pregnancy and birth. And that was never a problem for me, except when friends started to get pregnant and I had to fake to be happy for them. The fact that my interest in children was non existant made me really hard to understand why they were willingly going through such an ordeal.

But then I met my husband. We were both 33. And he wanted to have children. And then came the guilt feelings. I really loved him (still do) and I felt bad that because of me, he could be missing something that seems to be so great for others. Not to mention a certain fear to loose him in the long run. Let�s face i, it is a myth that women always want to have children and men have to be talked into it. Most men want children. Did I really want to risk to spend the rest of my life alone?
And then, you know, you have been hearing your whole life how wonderful is to have kids, right? and not only from people who really had a baby wish. You are always hearing stories about people who never wanted to have children and then they had them somehow and think it was the best thing they ever did.
Oh! and who hasn't heard how labor pains are forgotten when you have your child in your arms.
So I started to have doubts about my own wishes. And eventually got pregnant.
Not even 5 minutes was I happy about being pregnant. When I found out, I felt sooo bad that I took anti deppressives. Then thank the hormones I was for the most part in a state of indolent denial with occasional breakdowns. I made no secret of it, told everybody. And people kept giving me deadlines, when you see the first echography you will be moved, when it starts moving it is so exciting. I was never excited, moved, I never felt curiosity about what he or she would look like, I never made one of those pre birth courses... I just didn't want to be reminded that it was going to happen, and the worst, to be with women who were looking forward to have a child. My hope, and everybody was so sure about it (specially my husband) was, that when I saw the kid I would love him and feel better. I knew it wouldn�t be inmediately, as everybody led me to believe, but with a little time...
Birth took 35 hours and it was a lot worse than in my worst nightmares. When it was over I couldn't believe or understand why the midwives were congratulating me. They gave me the child and I felt it was not polite to say "I don�t want him" so i had him a couple of seconds and then gave it to my husband, who couldn�t hide his emotion, and turned over in bed. I stayed in the hospital 2 or 3 days and I cried all the time. I refused to breastfeed, and had to fake interest in the baby, it was too embarrasing with everybody so excited all around me.
My son is now 20 months and I am not a monster, so I love him. But I am still taking medication, going to therapy, and, although I can be happy most of the time, I still have breakdowns every time somebody announces she is pregnant.I feel so inappropriate!!! Not to mention I have no interest in sex. And I was a veeery sexual person. Now everything reminds me of the horror.
So my warning to women letting themselves influence by the environment: BEWARE

That might be true if you are looking forward to having a baby. Not to mention, if it is too late for an epidural, that birth was piece of cake. I had to wait 20 hours for mine, and it did not last till the end. My son is 20 months and there is not one single day that I don�t remember it all.

As is said, maybe it is true if you really want a child. If not, pregnancy and birth are the worst things that can happen to a "healthy" body"

"For as long as I can remember I have been disturbed by pregnant ladies. It just seems gross to me. I think they should stay home or something. I know this sounds ridiculous and childish, but it is a visceral strong feeling I have. " I feel exactly the same way. The are not glowing, they are fat.. they have a living thing inside them. It is foreign and alien to me how you wake up everyday after gaining all that weight and you don't just want to lock yourself in your room forever. And don't get me started on labor, I consider a paper cut a horrible pain and anything more then that I want nothing to do with.

Oxytocyn. Another myth that only works for people who really want to have children. I didn't get any. Maybe that was why birth took 35 hours. Maybe that's why I had not the least interest in the baby when he was born. I have had plenty of orgasms in my life, thank you very much, and I cannot really grasp the connection between something so nice and something so horrible. But what hurt the most was the disappointment in the world for telling me such lies and in me, for somehow, deep deep somewhere, believing them.

I used to describe my man that scene to explain why it was not a good idea for me to get pregnant!!!!!

I googled for that word tokophobia like crazy before I got pregnant. I liked to find a name for what I thought I had. I am 38 and I have never ever come across someone (outside this forum) for whom the idea of pregnancy and birth were so disgusting. Disgusting enough to make children absolutely dispensable. I was 8 or 9 when a teacher in the 4th grade gave us a maybe too vivid (and probably inappropriate for that age) description of how birth works. Maybe I was too naive, but I had never asked my parents where kids came from, so I was so not prepared for such a revelation. I decided right there that I would never be so stupid to have something like that happened to me. And I meant it. And the best thing is I thought no girl my age would ever want to do something like that. It seemed really weird that with the years, girls were turning into women and wanting kids! Why!!

I mean, for me kids were always something foreign. Like little factories of bodily fluids that have to be constantly removed and who throw tantrums for the most stupid reasons. The fact that they can be cute once in a while could never make it worth to endure something so gross and painful.

When I met my child-oriented husband, I had to be faced with the fact that also intelligent, funny, freedom-loving people want to have children. And that is when I started with the googling. Did I dislike children that much or did I just hate how they are born? The truth is that for me both things have always belonged together. I remember hating seeing newborn babies because while everybody gets so excited about how small they are all I could think of was: way to big for a [censored]. Really gross.

I'm guess I'm the odd one out here. I've actually always thought it would be a really special experience, but I guess that's the romantic in me. However, the realist also knows that being pregnant would be tough - especially in the last couple of months! And, I've "always" been afraid of the thought of having a baby inside of me "kicking" me! Agh!! Also, after the initial joy and amazement I might feel after having the child, I kinda think it would all be downhill from there! haha Of course, if I did accidently get pregnant one day, my child would be very special to me, and I know I would find much joy from being a mother (but also a lot of stress!!), but.... it's still not something I want to do!!

Funny to read this post after a couple of months, when I still believed that not wanting children was the consequence of some childhood trauma. After some therapy and a lot of soul-searching I know that some random comment by some teacher cannot trigger something like that, that it was a question of time that I found out how kids are brought into this world :-)) Pregnancy and birth freak me out the same way tattoos or piercings freak me out (actually a lot more). I can only see the drawbacks, not the positive things.
In a less physiological view: My life dreams and objectives never included kids. I have traveled a lot, lived in 5 different countries, love eating out and talking with friends for hours. I never saw the added value of kids.