BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I think I figured it out...

my repulsion for everything children that is.
I was watching Stargate atlantis last night and Tayla(sp?) was having a dilemna about returning back to active duty after she had a baby because of the danger of her dying. It just disgusted me and I was wondering how much more of this sappy storyline I can take. Then it hit me--the reason I am so turned off by the whole children thing is because (and this is MY OPINION here--not preaching!)I see children as making you weak and vulnerable. Again, MY OPINION, but I think whoever claims that having a child makes you stronger is lying to themselves! It is bad enough being in love is a chink in the armor, (I happened to marry a man who can take care of himself and me in that regard)--but to have to be responsible for the very life of a young weak vuknerable human makes you weak and vulnerable and I just can't stomach giving away my power that way.
I guess I am power-hungry. Power does have a prominent place in my life choices. And powerlessness is repugnant to me personally. wow. revelation.

I like your revelation. We need a radio show. I think the entire process makes women weak and vulnerable. I'm not saying we should be hardened, insensitive individuals; but, why do we ALL have to be mothers?

I think you can nurture without having to 'mother' something. The two actions are not synonymous--even tho this society tends to use them that way. I care for a lot of life forms that I didn't give birth to---pets, plants, my husband (LOL)... and I care very deeply and passionately. I can even care for nonanimated possessions passionately---like my favorite vase and the antique bookcase or my string of pearls...
To me nurture means to allow to grow, to care for on the terms of the one nurtured. Mothering means to bend to my Will or good intentions of what I think is best for the one mothered. It is natural to mother a child, but to mother your best friend or your mate could be an abuse of their rights. In my opinion.
I certainly do not need mothering. I might need care and comfort. But again those are not synonymous except in this child-crazed world we live in.
Just me. Thinking out loud.

I like this, too. It made me sad to see Teyla get pregnant and have a baby. I can't have kids because I am a cop, I can't afford to become weak like that. I'd much rather die than watch myself become something I am not. It's bad enough that I love my SO, and I don't need another weakness, I need to be a strong person.

I can nurture occasionally, but oddly enough, my guy is the nuturing type.

I really agree with you on this...Seriously. It seems like becoming a mother drains whatever spine you had from you.

I am intrigued about the power idea you've presented. I think it underlies a lot of the posts here: we want to have a quiet dinner at a restaurant it we want, we want to have our homes tidy if we want, we want to make the career choices we want. For me it's definitely all about wanting to have the freedom to make choices of all sorts. These can all be linked to wanting to control our lives, to power. Perhaps that's why we represent so much of a threat to parents? We have more power than they do?

In this instance, I suspect the line between power and freedom is very thin. Parents envy the freedom the CF have to go and do things on a whim and they feel powerless to do comparable things. Their children (particularly when very young) leave them virtually imprisoned in lives of their own making. It must be a very frustrating experience.

There are definately things that women give up when they choose to have children (Or rather - SHOULD give up. *laughing*). It's like getting married - you surrender a little bit of yourself to someone else's control. Because every decision you make no long effects only yourself but another human being as well.

And at an even deeper level than with your husband - a fully-grown and autonomous adult. Because with a child your every decision fully impacts their life.

I wouldn't say it takes away my spine (I'm no coward for sure!)so much as it takes away my independance.

It's a good point - a very good point. Interesting observation.

Angela <><

no I would not say it takes away a woman's courage as I have seen mother's defend their children defying impossible odds of survival. But it does put the mother in that position to start with, when without that defense mechanism the situation would not even arise. It limits the power you have over making independant choices. That is why it is not for me.

Exactly. ANY TIME you choose to bring someone else into your life in a permanent, committed fashion (ie through parenthood, marriage, or taking care of an aging parent, etc) you limit the amount of control you have over your own life and choices.

Now, all of a sudden, any decision you make effects someone else - not just yourself.

Angela <><

Good note LadyL.
For me its similar, but its more around the gender stereotyping that happens with kids. Women have to become that weak, caring, nursing, stay at home and cook type. Id rather die than become this 1950s default housewife type.I feel empowed too and have total equality - at home and in the workplace.
I do think its connected to your lack of power statement.
Thanks
Lise